I would love all the mini-farm updates: what are you growing? How are the new animals doing? What's a project you're excited about? What's a project that's a little bit daunting?

I moved in with my boyfriend in February into a house with a yard. And I am considering doing something garden-y with plants in the yard/garden/shady dirt in the backyard but am feeling slightly overwhelmed about it.

I live in a place I hate (politically, landscape etc) but I have a life here, a place based business (not online), etc but as I turn 40 I really feel its time for some big scary exciting changes. My partner and I have been spending the summers in another country, we went through the pain and expense of obtaining our resident visas and I want it so bad but it's also new and scary and overwhelming and how it all looks is a big question mark. We have also entertained long visits and thoughts of a cottage/farm situation in the Northeast (of the US) but I do hate winter, the US is increasingly intolerable to me and it seems like a more safe (I could replicate my place based business there) but honestly boring choice. What say you, Nic? What are your thoughts on moves, place, adventure?? xo

What are 3 fiction books you'll love forever?

You could also write about your parents, if and when you feel like it. I know I would like to learn more about them.

There's also the feelings that you go through. After my last parent died, I spent the next couple of years feeling like "I'm an orphan now!!" And that freaked me out for some reason and took an extended time to come to grips with.

This is a situation that we all have to face. That's just suggestions for when you feel like writing again, btw, stuff I would like to read. Hugs. These are the two hugest losses any of us ever face, and they happened so close together as well.

Take your time, my dear, and please know that I (and many others, I know) am/are praying for you and sending support and love.

I appreciate the care you take with your readers. No asks - just letting you know that what you are doing for yourself is important, and the way you have cultivated this space is beautiful.

What birds are regulars at your place? We just had broad-tailed hummingbirds come back for spring (it was snowing while they showed up), and I think I sprinted down the stairs to get the feeders ready for them.

You’ve mentioned not being a dog person, until you were a dog person. I’d love to hear more about where you stand with dogs today. Do you really only like your own? Have you warmed to more dogs in general? What do you think sparked the change? Dog stories and dog pictures always welcomed and appreciated.

I will echo a previous comment that it would be lovely to read/hear more about your parents, if writing and sharing them ever feels right for you. <3

Re: the AMA, I would love to know if you read any books or listened to any podcasts that felt particularly helpful to you as you embarked on your gardening journey! My partner and I recently moved to a new climate where gardening feels more ~possible~ than it did in the AZ desert, but I literally have never grown a plant (let alone food) in my life. And knowing how to do that feels important!

I hope you take the time you need ❤️

What are your ideas or plans for long-distance hiking? Any dreams or goals, big or small? I’m curious how these goals change as people get older and as life throws grief and pain and stress our way.

First off. Holding space for your grief, for the ways that your body weeps, for stillness. Holding space for that tight jaw. From one tight jaw to another.

AMA: If you feel inclined to get personal here...and I'm trying to be mindful of my projection...how do you reconcile, if at all, using antidepressants in an anti-capitalist way? The both/and. How do we avoid internalizing culpability in a system that pathologizes (read: gaslights) us for internal struggles that more often than not, it creates, perpetuates, and thrives on? Are we the canaries in the coal mines, and perhaps it's okay to use the LED light bulb in the mine while also searching for the sunlight?

Hi fellow Lindsay, I hope you don’t mind me chiming in. I just started on an antidepressant, and I feel this. There are three main reasons I am taking one again, and one of them is the state of the world. I was struggling to function, sleep, feed myself. I’m taking this medication for me to survive, and it’s OK. Yeah, if we lived in a less shitty world I may not have to. But… we don’t. And I gotta sleep and eat. I don’t want to spend my one wild and precious life feeling like absolute shit when I can take a medication on a probably temporary basis to enjoy the good things that are here, too. It’s not about being a good soldier for capitalism, I feel like being OK is something I don’t want them to steal from me. Plus, if I can’t function, I can’t fight.

This is such a dumb question that could be Google depending on how much of a public figure you are (maybe you have a Wikipedia), but I think you said you lived in the UK for a bit while growing up. Am I right or did I make that up (hallucinating like an AI perhaps!). If it's true, where did you live and what did you make of that time?

Love you and your work Nic and thinking of you in your grief. My question? Kilian and Rachel were 100% my Cocodona 250 picks. Who were yours? Be honest 😜

Nic, it sounds like you’re carrying so much right now. I hope you’re able to give yourself as much grace and spaciousness as possible.

One thought I wanted to offer: I imagine some of us would gladly continue our subscriptions if you chose to step away for a while, rather than pausing them. Sort of a community-supported bereavement leave.

I know there may be logistical or other reasons that doesn’t make sense, but I wanted to share it bc I don’t think our culture gives people nearly enough material support, gentleness, or room to grieve. Supporting your rest in that way would feel genuinely aligned and meaningful to me. Sending you much care!

5-10 of your favorite no-skip albums?

Take all the time you need - grief affects people very differently so you are your own timeline. This was my first Mothers Day without my mom, but she passed at almost 98 years old last July. Mostly I feel lucky to have had so many years with her and that we lived near one another for most of my adult life.

Nic, your letter arrived at an interesting moment. I, too, am having a "something's gotta give” moment. Between caring for my elderly mother, career and financial stress, and a possible new romantic relationship, I'm overwhelmed. I don't have a question; I just am grateful to hear I'm not alone and to let a tiny bit of it out. Sending you love. Take all the time you need. We'll still be here when you're ready. <3

Have you contemplated doing a 200 miler? I was an ultra runner but have transitioned more to a hiker now. I keep thinking it might be possible to approach the race completely as a fast hike? I was just wondering if you were curious because of your time on the AZT and FKT attempt.

I also want to say Nic that you take all the time you need away from this space. Your readers will be here when you return. We totally get it and I’m so sorry that life is such that the finances and optics of that decision are front of mind (I totally get it, btw).

I am currently with my grandmother that is slowly exiting this existence, my mother who is coming to terms in her own way with becoming an orphan at 67, and a brand new baby, all of us independently coping with the evolving generational trauma and complexities it causes in our relationships. And I keep looking at my precious, weeks old child and my brain says, "we're all going to die one day and leave you all alone!".

So Nic, you are not alone. Take all the time you need.

Sending you lots of care, Nic! As others have said here, hope you can take the time you need. May spaciousness expand and your needs be beautifully met.

AMA: What's the AMA question nobody has ever asked you that you wish they would? (And how would you answer it?)

Oh how I feel you on the new onset of jaw clenching! I'm 45 and didn't experience this before, but I finally made a long overdue decision to step away from the job that I believe was the culprit of this (and got the mouth guard my dentist advised me to get).

All that to say and affirm - yes the body tells us when something's gotta give.

Sending gentleness your way and always appreciate your newsletter, and also appreciate when you set an example of how to take pauses and breaks as needed.

Nic, Not a question. Just wanted to thank you for what you shared in that email about what's going on for you. It feels so refreshing to hear your honest raw processing.

My Dad died at the end of last year and I'm constantly surprised by grief's many faces . For me, it can feel like a soft sleeping creature, I almost forget is there. But one that wakes up abruptly, fiercely and feels like everything. Days where everything feels okay and then something unexpected, like a piece of theatre last week, rips me open.

Reading how you express your grief has given me courage to express something of mine. I'm so here for the way you share - and so here for you not sharing when it's too much and not okay too.

Hey Nic! Just want to echo what so many here are saying: that 1) I'd totally support a paid bereavement leave if that's what you decide is best for you and 2) I'd love to hear all about anything you care to share about your process, who you are during this time, or about your parents. As someone who lost their father at 19, I often find myself so drawn to hearing and sitting with other's parental grief and wishing I had written more during that time. I'd also like to say that it's okay if you write "DID YOU KNOW MY PARENTS ARE DEAD" over and over until another sentence comes--maybe that just needs to be recorded? Wishing you all the softness while you walk through these next months/years and acclimate to this new reality. For a question, I'd love to hear more about your sheep. Tell me all the littlest things they do, the weird things you've learned, and what you are currently learning about them. <3

Who are you?

I read your latest newsletter, where you invited readers to ask questions. I’ve been receiving your emails for quite some time now, although I honestly don’t remember subscribing — I may have done it accidentally at some point. Still, your writing stayed with me, and over time it made me curious. So I wanted to ask: who are you, really? How would you describe yourself? And what do you think drives you to share your emotions and personal experiences with such a wide, varied, and essentially unknown audience? Thank you in advance. I’m asking out of genuine curiosity. P.S. Your latest newsletter affected me deeply.

No question, today - just a note to say take care of yourself and we'll be here when you're ready! That stickiness of grief is so relatable. I think I managed to turn every conversation into one about my brother for at least the first two years after he died. DON'T YOU KNOW MY BROTHER DIED!! And now, I'm kinda doing the same thing with my fur baby who died earlier this year. Everything is about THEM...until one day it isn't. It's only sometimes about them (but still a lot of the time).

Take good care Nic xx

Hi! Not a question so much as a note to say that when my dog died, and a friend of mine adopted a dog not long after, my first thought was “you’re going to love that dog so much and then she’s going to die!!” Which is absolutely not to equate or even remotely compare the grief of both of your parents dying with my dog dying, but just to totally agree with you that grief will show up in unexpected locations for so long, and to give yourself more time than you think to … get used to living with grief, I guess. As so many others have said, I love reading your writing and I’ll be here when you pick back up!

Such a difficult time, Nic. Thank you for always being honest with us, you are continuously and refreshingly human. I hope your break meets you where you need it most.

AMA: I’m not much of a baker, but have an urge to try a cookie recipe or two! Maybe with the end goal of having a “go-to” cookie recipe for bringing to gatherings. Do you have any favorites, or simple comfort recs? I recently made Rice Krispie squares, but subbed the cereal for Ruffles Regular chips, and they were a big hit! So I’m like okay, maybe we can try out cookies next.

I’m curious because you’ve mentioned a somewhat complicated relationship with your parents in the past. How do you feel that impacts your grief now, if at all? Is there anything you look back on and wish you’d known or could change now that you have this knowledge that they do in fact die? (Obviously we know this but we spend so much time in denial about this as well). No problem at all if this is too personal or complicated to answer! I imagine the holidays make everything so much harder <\3

This came at exactly the right moment! Mothers day and my moms birthday was rough and filled with lots of dementia fueled conversations and crying about medicine, moving, and death. I think "She's gonna be dead someday" is the most appropriate thing and something about it made me smile. Like what good is knowing the future if we have to keep it secret?

It's so interesting to me that you'd have capacity for an AMA during this time. I would support a paid grief leave but also a regular AMA could be cool for folks who want to be more engaged. And I always love reading them!!

I am so sorry for your enormous losses, and so in favor of people being really clear about what they need, especially in times of great stress and grief.

I've been really interested in all your writing about money, and I'm curious about whether you would divest from your retirement accounts if there wasn't a tax penalty for doing so, and what your thoughts are about the idea or possibility of retirement in the first place! It's so hard for me to imagine that my retirement accounts are going to exist/ be worth anything when I need them.

Nic, IDK if this helps, but I don't support a newsletter based on quantity of output. I pay for a newsletter to support the writer who creates it. I'm no stranger to deep, earth-shifting grief, and I believe we all should take sabbaticals if we need them. You are no exception to that belief, and I want to support the kind of world we both want to live in.

Thinking of you during this time. Of course Mother's Day would be hard!!! Or any day! Curious if you have any morning or daily routines that are helpful. Or advice about how to establish one? I really want to give myself more structure so more of my time is spent doing the things that are important to me. I think my brain would appreciate structure (but not toooo much structure) but I can't seem to get a routine going. I want to be more productive, not in a capitalist-overworking way, but in a way where make progress on the projects that are important to me and that will enrich my life ... daily things like journaling, PT exercises, etc or bigger projects like deeply cleaning out closets ... any thoughts, lol?

Helloooooooooo 👋🏾. First to echo others - please take the time you need. Secondly - I became an orphan over 20 years ago and all I could think was - Disney films makes this look way more fun. So..... There's that. Congratulations 🎉 to surviving and pleased look after yourself.

I almost didn't ask this question when I saw so many people had left comments, however I will and feel free to skip it if you are all AMAd out.

So I live alone and have done since my mid twenties (so - almost 25 years ago... Wild!) it was literally one of my only big desires growing up and it's still one of my favourite things in life. I'm single and have always enjoyed it - and also been entirely filled up by my friendships - which helps. I currently live in a country and city where I'm not super near to my good friends - and I moved here with little desire to make new friends (although I definitely made some who sit resolutely in the middle circle - not outer or inner).

I am seriously considering moving somewhere just to be closer to people even though it would throw the work situation up in the air. I have never found a way to balance location when it comes to work and people (mostly because I'm from a small island where I can't do what I'm doing here).

So my question - am I crazy? (I guess that's a separate question lollllllllllllllll) What are your thoughts on centering friendship in your life? Most people look at me like I have two heads when I suggest it - while it's perfectly acceptable to move for a job, or a relationship. (Someone literally said these things to me recently).

And since I know you have been open about not having a close friendship group where you are - how do you get that closeness that comes from friendship? Video calls? (One thing I've done for a couple of years is send out a friend's email and that's been nice even though not enough).

Ok!! Longgggg. My bad. Hugs and more hugs to you!

Sending a virtual hug your way 🤍

Do you have any regrets or hindsight thoughts about archiving wild letters? Not moving platforms, but the content itself. Is it weird that the archive of all this content you created is no longer out there or perhaps a welcome reprieve? Curious if you would do it the same knowing what you know now about yourself, the internet, etc.

Side note: you may be thinking of this already, but I saw your comments about paid bereavement leave and have an unsolicited suggestion. I wonder if there’s an in-the-middle option between turning off or leaving comments on. Something like encouraging followers to use buy me a coffee. I believe you can do recurring payments on there now. That would enable people to essentially opt-in to a new short-term subscription or one-off without you risking sub loss here. Obviously ignore if this isn’t helpful for you, but wanted to share what came to mind as I read some of your responses to other questions.

Thank you for making the time and space to answer our questions!

I'm always curious to hear about your no spend experiments if you're willing to share more about the most recent one!

Long time lurker and first time commenter. I know you have written about composting old projects and writing - do you have a sense for what % of your readers have followed you for years/decades vs are new? I personally first found your “how to be a woman” essay (I think that’s what it was titled) and it resonated so much (in a raw and painful yet compassionate way). Since then I’ve followed you on and and off, often thinking “I wonder what she’s up to” checking in way. Sending condolences on your very painful and life changing past year - and thanks for continuing to share your work.

Now that I’ve let everyone get a week’s worth of insightful, high-quality questions in that more closely align with this current topical area, I will sneak in under the wire with one from that ‘other’ side of things that always interests me the most.

I may have the timeline a bit wrong here (I will admit I did not listen to all of Pop-Up Pod eep sorry) but it doesn’t feel like it was too long after you chose to get married that you also started more fully exploring both your gender identity and sexual identity. With the baseline understanding that one of the important parts of your partnership with Gent has always been your continued growth as individuals, I’m still curious about how your ability to examine those aspects of yourself have played out within the context of having actually gone forward with getting married. Were there any points at which the two rubbed up against each other in ways you weren’t expecting?