I'm glad you asked/shared, Lindsay, since by what other folks have already added onto this thread it's clear you aren't alone in navigating this <3
My most honest answer, which might be surprising, is that this aspect of taking antidepressants actually doesn't bother me in the slightest. My mom was severely depressed for much of my life, most notably from when I was 16 up until her death 24 years later, and while she would occasionally take meds herself she really never prioritized her own physical, mental, or emotional well-being in any meaningful way. Not only was that so sad to witness, but it impacted our relationship in many tough ways for so many years, and so I genuinely feel SO grateful that there is a medication available to me that even though it doesn't "fix" anything (and I don't need fixing, nor does anyone) the meds do give me enough breathing room to then be able to engage in all the other aspects of life and self-tending that help me to stay (mostly) well.
To what degree my need for this medication is caused by hereditary brain chemistry vs systemic fuckery is an unknowable answer, and while I desperately wish so very many things were different our society/world, this is one place where I have chosen to accept the help that's available to me and not do much more internal excavation about it.
I'm glad you asked/shared, Lindsay, since by what other folks have already added onto this thread it's clear you aren't alone in navigating this <3
My most honest answer, which might be surprising, is that this aspect of taking antidepressants actually doesn't bother me in the slightest. My mom was severely depressed for much of my life, most notably from when I was 16 up until her death 24 years later, and while she would occasionally take meds herself she really never prioritized her own physical, mental, or emotional well-being in any meaningful way. Not only was that so sad to witness, but it impacted our relationship in many tough ways for so many years, and so I genuinely feel SO grateful that there is a medication available to me that even though it doesn't "fix" anything (and I don't need fixing, nor does anyone) the meds do give me enough breathing room to then be able to engage in all the other aspects of life and self-tending that help me to stay (mostly) well.
To what degree my need for this medication is caused by hereditary brain chemistry vs systemic fuckery is an unknowable answer, and while I desperately wish so very many things were different our society/world, this is one place where I have chosen to accept the help that's available to me and not do much more internal excavation about it.