A Fully Objective Ranking of the Stadia on my Trip
I visited 9 different stadia on my trip, and this gives me a unique opportunity to do a little middle school level compare and contrast, in which I promise...
What's next, then?
There’s no match today, but there are trains, so you get a dispatch. My flight isn’t until 5:30pm local time, so instead of revisiting the WaPa while I...
Bad Supporter Behavior and Other Bummers
I woke up feeling completely better, once I took a hot shower and cleared out my sinuses. I went back to a coffee house that I’d gone to a few days earlier...
Saturdays Are For Lots of Football
I woke up late in the morning feeling a little better, no longer feverish, but with a sore throat still. I got myself breakfast before catching the train...
One more time for Stoke City
My match for today wasn’t until the evening, so I thought about taking a train to somewhere on the south coast, just for kicks, but decided to spend the day...
The Next Great Footie Pundit
Last night, I woke up at 2am and was utterly and completely awake. All done with sleep. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the Red Bull from the Chelsea...
Did you say mail rail???
It's a train! A train for the mail!
This is what it feels like to be champions, I hear
Something lovely about my trip so far is that every match has been different, each providing a different experience. The match for today ended up being very...
When the vibes are more rancid than a forgotten Easter egg in June
I’m a little behind schedule, due to setting a highly unrealistic schedule for myself, fully problems of my own making, but here we are. As of the day I’m...
Rail Replacement Buses and Parked Buses
What a peach of a goal
Finally, seeing Stoke City live in-person
I was there
Well. I’ve had a hell of a start to my trip! Let’s rewind. First of all, the train count is now at seven, if we include locals: London Underground Piccadilly...
While I was flying...
What an interesting morning to be jet-lagged and trans!
Exploring WaPa, my least favorite neighborhood
Waiting in the airport and/or the WaPa
America's Biggest Stoke City Fan?
Sure, sure, great, but why Stoke City FC?
Sure, but why football?
Do I love football for a lot of reasons? Or do I love it because it was cool in high school?
I have a confession to make
Despite my excitement, my travel plans may lead to regrets...
On planning a footballing trip
A planner in planning heaven: the world of football ticketing and train travel
Shall we try again?
Introducing the next iteration—dispatches to follow!
Introducing: World Cup Dispatch
Okay, enough folks expressed interest that I'm going to try to do daily-ish updates from my World Cup binging experience. That said, I don't want to flood...
WWC 2023: Who are we rooting for?
My boss asked me the other day “Who are we rooting for?” and I really had to hold myself back. I only started this job a month ago, it’s not time to let the...
Happy Women's World Cup Kickoff!
What's this? The Women's World Cup began this morning-ish at 3am Eastern time and you haven't heard a peep from me about it? Yes, that's right, I'm afraid. I...
World Cup Kit Competition
Today is the day!!! The World Cup kicks off in Qatar with the host team facing off against Ecuador, kicking off any minute now (at time of publication). In...
In support of a World Cup in the Middle East? Excel-lent Football Facts 3
In support of a World Cup in the Middle East? Excel-lent Football Facts 3 My aunt shared this opinion piece from the New York Times with me this morning and...
Heidi Klum Pitching Her Incredible, Preternatural, Ascendent Worm Costume to the Design Team
ICYMI: For her annual Halloween party this year, Heidi Klum became a worm. And I can't stop thinking about it. I even ended up writing this vignette of Ms....
Excel-lent Football Facts 1
The FIFA Men’s World Cup is 50 days away and as someone who loves soccer/football (for simplicity, I’m going to call it football for the rest of this...
Please retire, Dianne Feinstein
Did you miss me? Sorry, it was a busy month. But we're back, with more numbers, graphs, and ranting. A few weeks back, Nancy Pelosi announced that, at 82...
Who Wants to Be a Billionaire
I made a joke a little while back on Twitter that, given the choice between having my bed magically made up with fresh, clean sheets every day or a one-time...
The Bachelor Ever After
Tonight on get ready for a Theoretiquette unlike anything you've ever seen before. The most obsessive wiki-spreadsheet-scraper begins their journey to find...
The geologic time scale will f*** you up
Okay, I’m gonna be straight with you here. This one has a high probability of fucking you up and/or making you re-evaluate your entire existence. If you are...
Countries that suck the most at the Winter Olympics
I had a different newsletter scheduled for this week, and frankly I’m pretty excited for it, but I realized at the last second that I was really missing an...
How to beat Pixar at its own game
Pixar has produced 24 beloved movies since its debut in 1995. For over a generation, Pixar has dependably produced adorable, marketable animated films and...
Reviving Theoretiquette
Hello cherished subscriber!! Remember when I started my little newsletter two years ago? Of course you don’t, it’s been nearly two year, or, emotionally, a...
Theoretiquette is Leaving Substack
Dear subscribers, You may have noticed I haven’t sent a newsletter in some time. That’s simply because I haven’t had the time to do so. I got a new job and...
What Now?
I don’t have a reader question for this one, I just want to share my thoughts. Sorry, not sorry. Joe and Kamala won. This is true and exciting. And also...
Confusion Standard Time
Dear Theoretiquette, I always see you talking about time zones and stuff on Facebook, but to be honest, I don't get it. Can you explain what all this is...
Early Aught Dramas Are The Solution to Everything
Dear Theoretiquette, One of my direct reports at work seems to be really struggling working remotely. She’s a natural extrovert, and I think not being able...
Unsettling Stallions
Dear Theoretiquette, I've been troubled by something since I was in elementary school, and maybe you can provide some clarity. See, elementary school was...
Baffled by Brothers
Dear Theoretiquette, I recently started transitioning from female to male-ish and I've been confused by which variations of "brother" I should use when I'm...
A Prim and Proper Primal Scream
This is a special edition of Theoretiquette addressing an etiquette question out of Portland, OR. If you aren’t aware, federal cops have been abducting...
Select-A-Lie
Dear Theoretiquette, I'm having an argument with my roommate over paper towels. I prefer to purchase them from this online store that offers tree-free,...
How To Seem Generous
Dear Theoretiquette, I've been wanting to be more generous, or at least seem more generous, when hosting my friends. When I visit other people's homes, I...
Coming Soon...
Hello friend! Thanks again for subscribing to Theoretiquette! I’m truly so grateful for your support and excited to see how this goes. I’m really just making...
Welcome to Theoretiquette
Theoretiquette is a bimonthly advice column in the form of a newsletter because no sane publishing syndicate would actually give me a platform to package my...