Nic., from my heart to yours <3

Words are so hard to find and feel inadequate at a time like this. I hope the memories you made with your mom bring you sweet relief.

What's been working well lately: a week by the ocean with lots of time lying on a beach chair alternately marveling at the surf and reading. Sand between my toes. Picking up seashells. Sitting in contemplative silence for as long as 30 minutes. Staying away from the news to take a breath and ground.

I have absolutely adored a book I read recently: The Sweetness of Water by Nathan Harris and wanted to share that with everyone.

Sending you lots of love at this hard time. Complicated relationships + grief is so hard. May you give yourself lots of grace and space as you navigate it all.

In navigating some personal hard times here... we have found 2-4 episodes of Schitts Creek to be the proper prescriptive dose most nights. Sometimes shit gets really hard and we need something like the full on Mrs Doubtfire. Which I will add will provide lots of laughter balm.

Sending you all the love and healing energy as you navigate the loss of your Mom. It sucks. No other way to state it elegantly. It just sucks.

A few book recommendations: An Unlikely Coven by AM Kvita. As soon as I started reading it, I knew I had to share it here! I finished it in a day and a half. It is a lesbian love story/found family tale.

Voyage of the Damned by Frances White. Also thought of this group when I read it. Fantasy tale about a group of magical heirs wrapped around a gay love story.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. This one stays with you. Holy cow does it stay with you.

Food: If you aren’t on the chili crisp train, let this be your invitation to hop on. I am obsessed. I really like the Momofuku Chili Crunch. I put it on just about everything and have now started mixing it into sour cream to dip just about anything in to it. A little will go a long way so start small at first.

TV: Antiques Roadshow. Netflix has a few seasons but you can find most of the rest on PBS.

All Creatures Great & Small has been redone and has 6 seasons on PBS. Serious comfort tv.

Podcasts: Cal Newport (Digital Minimalism, Deep Work, Slow Productivity) has a podcast called Deep Questions. A fair number of his episodes will strike a cord with this crowd. Check out Episode 388: What’s worrying Jon Haidt now? Especially if you are a parent, you will want to check that one out. Spoiler alert: Roblox is SCARY!!

All my best to this community! You all really do bring so much hope to me in these scary times.

I will make one last recommendation: Get involved in your local politics. Support the candidates you believe in. Either with your time or your resources. You would be amazed at the impact you can have locally with a few hours of commitment. My predominantly red county has a contested seat at almost every level because of the efforts of a relatively small group. I can only image the impact we could have with a few more helping hands!

All Creatures Great And Small is Glorious! The scenery! The wardrobes! The fact that the biggest conflict is usually, “which vet is the better horse vet”, it’s so delightful. The Christmas episodes bring me so much joy year round.

Sending you big hugs. I hope you’re well-surrounded and get the support you need. ❤️

Evan also sent me that Marie Oliver x HR video and that was the first thing I was going to share here. I’ve watched it so many times I can play it in my mind in full. Shanna also found this Heated Rivalry video, which is more on the sweet than the heart-wrenching side. https://www.tumblr.com/francesssssssss/806110734206500864/too-much-shaneilya-heated-rivalry

What is working for me is mostly Heated Rivalry related. Also playing with fiction writing, an in-person bike mechanic class and not pushing myself to be efficient.

Nic, my heart is with you during your time of grief. Like all healing, it takes the time that it takes, which is both its own combination of frustration and release. And get you a friend who sends amazing bumper stickers like that one!! I know I could've used it a couple of years ago. Hell, I'd still use it today.

May I join you in being an AI hater? I've started telling people it's my special interest. Am I also forced to interact with it for my work? Yes. I've drawn the line on not actively using it, but have to read the summaries and such and tear the slop people send me a new one with my editorial pen.

What's working for me:

Journaling by hand. Gathering with friends regularly. Attending drop-in arts-and-crafts sessions at different locations in my town. Lifting weights. Prioritizing sleep. Screaming in my car. Reading romance novels for Anne Helen Petersen's book club. Studiously ignoring most news about the war, esp. hot takes on social. Cooking and baking (Deb Perelman's I Want Chocolate Chocolate Cake is a banger!). Listening to every Game of Thrones-related podcast hosted by Jason Concepcion. Contemplating how I want to spend the next 20+ years of my life.

I sing in the car, but I might give screaming a go, thank you Toni. AI is also omnipresent at my work and I’ve learned to nod silently when it comes up in meetings, and then avoid it as much as possible.

What I've been loving: - also stovetop hot chocolate!! the drinking chocolate from Trader Joe's is my favorite - got a rec for this tomato gnocchi soup (https://naturallieplantbased.com/creamy-tomato-gnocchi-soup/), haven't made it yet but I'm excited! - I'm hosting a "people's shop/everything swap" in a couple weeks and have been happily identifying things I can pass along to friends for free - making little zines for myself of internet writing I like so I can read it offline - daily logic puzzles at https://cluesbysam.com

I'm about 2.5 episodes into How to Get to Heaven from Belfast — it's definitely strange but I'm enjoying it!

My sincerest condolences Nic. Sending love, support and compassion from afar. I’m glad to read about how you’re finding and creating moments of comfort and coping. I know there’s been a lot to process and endure, thank you for all you share. Your heartfelt writing helps me feel less alone during a time of grief in my own life.

What’s working for me; A daily journaling practice using the “Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life” by Suleika Jaouad. Star and moon gazing in the night sky. And watching spring arrive and beautiful birds in my back garden.

Absolutely loved that HR/Mary Oliver mashup so much--thank you for sharing. What's working for me is meal planning with my partner, hot English breakfast tea, making dumb jokes about hard things--like the cluster headaches I've suddenly started getting, the booktalk,etc podcast & patreon group, reading as much as I can always, tiger balm, naan in all the meals I can think of.

Also so sorry to hear about your mom. What a rough grief year this has been for you! Lost my dad at 19 & can't imagine having another parent leave so soon. I think it took me a year after his death to even start processing it to begin with. Hope you're giving yourself all the gentleness. <3

I'm sending you so much love and I hope you're being held and comforted and supported during this time. Also, I love that you have friends with a dark sense of humor who send you bumper sticker photos and make you smile cause dark humor is definitely one of the best coping mechanisms that I can think of.

What's working right now for me isn't much since my birth country (Iran) is under attack and we have almost no contact with our friends and family back home. However, my husband and I have been very touched by American friends and neighbors who have reached out to check on us and ask about our families. We went to an antiwar protest yesterday which also helped us feel less alone.

Also, my mom found a little lost French bulldog near her house yesterday and since he had no collar and wasn't microchipped, she brought him home to keep him safe while we found his owner. I went over to help and immediately named him Bob and fell in love with this ridiculous bobble-headed bug-eyed creature. Bob brought so much joy and laughter with his silly antics that for a few hours we forgot all the horrors of the world. So I guess one suggestion for feeling more joy is to find a lost Frenchie and watch him chase your husky/shepherd puppy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sending you much love through your loss. Two parents in one year is so so much.

I had a sudden and major loss last year and I can’t emphasize how much naps helped. As someone who is usually an active processor (walking, journaling, talking) I was so fortunate to have the time and support to do absolutely nothing but stare at the woods from my porch and nap for weeks afterword. I’m pretty sure that month is what got me through this last year. Take as much time as it takes.

What’s working for me right now is starting garden seedlings, and knitting while listening to an audiobook. I’ll second the previously recommended Secret Life of Addie Larue.

What’s working: my cat let me brush him on my lap for the first time ever (he never understood how to get brushed), doing “man tasks” around the house and feeling badass, preshredded rotisserie chicken from Aldi with salad greens for an easy meal on repeat, reading Cody Cook-Parrott’s new book The Practice of Attention, welcoming the geese back from their winter vacation every time they fly overhead, airing out the house when it’s nice out.

Holding you so close during this time. It sounds like you are doing exactly what your body and soul need to process all of this deep grief.

The naps <3

My husband was diagnosed with brain cancer last year and underwent a craniotomy + really intense recovery, and we are still unsure of what it all means in terms of how much time we have. We sold our house shortly after he was diagnosed, moved into a rental home to get closer to my immediate family for support, and i stepped away from all of my income-generating ventures piece by piece in order to step more fully into caregiver mode. I felt a level of shame around how much I needed to nap during and after the height of everything, but in retrospect, I really do think it was what got me through it all.

What's working for me lately: I fell in love with horses when i was 10-years-old, got my own at 14 and proceeded to spend all of my spare time at the farm for the next 20 years. I lost my horse, Drayko, in the summer of 2023 and stepped away from that part of my life completely at that time. But, as I work to rebuild my life after everything that happened in 2025, I decided to take a job mucking stalls 3x a week. It makes zero sense financially as it pays peanuts, but even after 2 days, I can feel a little piece of my young self waking up and smiling.

You always share the best links! What is working for me lately is re-joining Costco and letting myself lean into some emergency preparedness spending (extra water, food, batteries) because it gives me peace of mind. I've been reading Sarah Wilson's serialized book on Collapse after learning of it from you and it's inspired me and a good friend to have a weekly morning Zoom date to discuss it and all the issues it brings up. The more I learn about it the more I want to learn, and I am so excited to see how else you tackle the subject. I am so sorry about your mom. It's amazing that you got to be there for her. I'm wishing you all the best right now.