The Sound of AI Clapping
Quick housekeeping: this is the last story from buttondown. Starting October 13, these stories come from Substack instead. You don't need to do anything, I'm...
Our Flat Tires
Quick housekeeping: starting October 13, these stories come from Substack instead of here. You don't need to do anything, I'm bringing you along. If you'd...
Dear Nail Biters Anonymous,
[Note: I am moving all publishing to substack. To continue receiving stories, please subscribe here] Dear Nail Biters Anonymous, I'm hopeful this note finds...
Memories of Money
[Note: I am moving all publishing to substack. To continue receiving stories, please subscribe here] Mom has a touch of the Alzheimers. Well...it's more than...
Pictures, In 1,000 Words
The first thing you should know about taking pictures is that you should always add a little tremor to your wrist when snapping. Gives it color and motion....
Only Way Out
“With those packs?!?” The founder of Barefoot Wines asked with serious concern. Or it could have been curiosity. I secretly hoped he was preparing to be...
The Black Bat
You wanna know who the Black Bat is? The police were wondering the same thing. "Did you write this?" they asked, holding out the letter. The Black Bat sat in...
Beetle Bagged
Japanese Beetles raged on my raspberry bushes two years back. F√ck Japanese Beetles. No, really, like f 'em all the way to Sunday. Hell, make it all days of...
So Pitch Black It's Almost Purple
Spread across 900 acres of Utah sandstone, Amangiri was where the artist formerly known as Prince intended to spend thirty days escaping his dependence on...
uncle
My uncle liked to get his nails done every week. Pristine and tidy, trim trim trim, on the regular. His hair, too, cut every third week, same style, same...
I'm No Lion. I've Got a Tail.
I have a tail. Or, well... I wish I did. No, I'm serious. This seems to be a new thing, or maybe a thing I didn't know was a thing - but it's certainly a...
Verdie the Birdie
Know what's cool? Dogs and birds. Together. Because all animals are friends. No, really, I know it's true because Snow White made it so when she sang With a...
Corporate Drinking Responsibilities
"And you haven't even felt those yet." She was correct, I hadn't. This was after guzzling shot number six. Or maybe it was seven. Then I blacked out. You've...
The Manufacturing of Goose
This is meant to be a hit piece on the band Goose. And. Well. It very well may be. I haven't decided yet. I mean...I want it to be. And The Machine tells me...
Twin Balls Doctoring
I promise I won't get graphic. But this is a story about balls. Or, specifically, the Balls Doctor. Or, really, the Balls Doctors. Yes that's right, plural,...
Look!
Where do you look when you walk?
The Sport of the Common Man
I bag groceries with geometric precision, like one might build a Tetris tower. Also, and I’m not bragging or anything, but you should know I’m excellent at...
Ween: A Confliction of Browns
There's a fine line between heartbreak and heart ache
Eras of Assistant Part III: Kate
A second departure, the spirits are always right
Literary Devices, Deploy'd
A passage, He said, and perhaps a book.