Hi, thank you Nic :) I'm Lee and right now, I am finally feeling comfortable in my own skin. I am experiencing gender euphoria more than dysphoria at this time in my life. If I was to liken that experience to being out in nature, it would say it feels like a breeze through a meadow or bare feet on sand. I love queer people and our creativity and resilience. Of course, I am holding this alongside grief and rage around wordly collapse. Thanks for making the space to share who we are and what we love in this moment.

I’m A. I’m a rural-living, single mom balancing the joy that living in community, close to nature brings, with grief about the state of the world. It’s eerie feeling the lifeblood of nature while our community builds resiliency infrastructure around food, communications, water, etc. My health has been declining (burnout) , and I’m taking time off work to tend to myself and I can’t quite seem to do everything I want and need to do. I feel like I’m constantly playing catch-up while also trying to prioritize gentle rest. Despite it all, life still feels beautiful at times. I’m still seeing the glimmers.

I am Kristen - I am in my feisty 50s. My heartbreak at the state of the world is manifesting in anger. In my life outside the chaos, I am a behaviour analyst who is enjoying the last few years of her career and the confidence having 2 decades of experience brings, a cat mom, most proud of the rehab we have done with a truly feral cat, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend and a reluctant person who works out. Reading is saving my life these days. I keep trying to make my concern of the world a little kinder or at least funnier.

Hi Kristen...I love your 'feisty 50s' reference. I'm 64 and just keep getting feistier! I read recently that our female midlife should be referred to as 'coming of rage'...how I loved that! It can be a powerful thing. Stay kind (and direct the rage where it belongs!) :)

I'm Meryl. And right now, I'm learning how to show up for the collapsing world. And more importantly, for the world we will have to create from its ashes. I'm a somatic sex and intimacy coach, and right now I'm in my marketing era as I look at scaling my business. I'm learning to find safety in feeling big and loud, and allowing myself to discover and step into the next version of myself.

Hello, hi! My name is Michaela and I love winter, but I am truly excited for spring and the energy that comes with it. I am currently working on aligning my work with my values, exploring new local friendships, patiently waiting for snow to melt fully so I can go on this year's first overnighter and waiting for the warm enough weather to repot my house plants. Who am I right now? A women in her early 30s shifting a lot of the known into the unknown to align with her needs, values, wants. If not now, when.

I’m Uma, an elder at almost-62. I feel really good saying that because I believe we all need to celebrate wisdom rather than dread aging. I’m practicing small acts of resistance by showing up in a Monday prayer group. We’ve been meeting for months now and praying for everyone and everything. I make art. I write. I read. I chant. What’s carrying me through these tough times is the deep knowing and recognition that our ancestors have done h to is before. So I don’t want to only bitch and moan about things. I take comfort in the fat that my soul chose to be here for this—and I’m here to serve in all the ways I can.

"my soul chose to be here for this" really got me.

Hey Nic, Glad you are feeling (somewhat) better!

What I am right now is sort of what you were prior to your mother's passing, just sort of waiting for a period of grief/mourning that I know is coming, related to both my in-laws (who are closer than my parents in some ways) and my parents aging. My partner and I seem to be sort of frozen in both time and place when it comes to dealing with this. If both sets of our parents were not here, there is no way we would have stayed in this region. And pre-grieving is a weird thing to try and do.

What I am loving is the later winter/spring weather. It is a short window here, but provides 2-3 weeks of just perfect weather to be outside doing whatever: hiking, biking, running, sitting still. I do dread the onslaught of summer though.

Kev, I can relate. My partner and I are in the same boat ... living here because our very old (I can say that I am almost 63) parents are here - and will eventually need even more care than they do now. I try not to pre-grieve. It's hard, because just like young children grow so quickly, aging parents seem to lose function as quickly. I brought my dad a cane I had used after a recent surgery "just in case" he would need it, and my mother asked me if I had a walker with wheels - because she said - he'd definitely be needing that. My dad is a big gardener. I plan to take pictures of him in his garden this summer. That will make me happy.

Hello! Long time no comment, I'm Alyssa. (I can't imagine the grief you've been experiencing this year Nic, and sending all the love towards you and your family). I'm an almost 35 year old full time mother of twin girls who are 3.5. It has been more or less all consuming of my life. I love many things like yoga, reading, running, deep friendships, hiking, camping...and yet I consistently feel like I don't have enough time/energy/space for these things. I'm hoping this continues to shift and change with time, but life with them still feels really intense most days (: I love having honest conversations about the experience of motherhood and the actual realities it involves and the feelings it brings up. I feel like we as a culture lie to each other about the experience of motherhood and it's actually quite damaging to those who then decide to become mothers and feel somewhat blindsided by the realities of it.

Hi all👋 Nicole I echo all sentiments already mentioned, and hope you are finding peace during your grieving and healing. The nuts and bolts of me: 50s, live off grid with my husband and dogs, homestead (which I actually call “instead” because we do things pretty differently than most homesteaders these days) and am a part-time caregiver to elders living at home (my 2 clients just turned 99) I was a listener of the Real Talk pod back before fascism ballooned and am now I’m here for the collapse essays. While I enjoyed listening to you and Lauren talk about running then, not sure that would be relevant in my life now. So I appreciate how you phrased the question, it allows for growth and if we’re not growing we’re not living( in my humble opinion). Also first time commenter, pretty private and shy when it comes to the internet, but if you knew me in real life, soda would come out your nose reading that Thanks for the safe space

I’m Laura, and right now I feel like hibernating. I’m overwhelmed by grief that just keeps coming in both my persona life and the world, by a sense of feeling disconnected from myself and who I am. But, what I love right now is lots of hiking while the weather is slowly cooling here in Australia. I love being about to spend as much time reading as I choose, without feeling guilty for being unproductive. I love connecting deeply with others in small pockets before withdrawing to my sanctuary, my home. I love reading all of your stories, and feeling like we are standing in a worldwide circle introducing ourselves ✨

Love these questions-- who am I right now: a book loving, obsessive reading lover girl. I care a lot about deep conversations & relationship building. I like getting to the meat of it all. I'm also an enneagram two & triple fire sign & holding all of that always. Questions I've been mulling over recently are "How does one show up with both compassion and boundaries with friends in the throws of mental illness?" and "How do I embrace the role of empathetic friend without becoming the enabler of harmful treatment and self abandonment?" They are hard, hard questions for sure. I don't have many answers yet.

I am also obsessively loving all the Heated Rivalry memes & videos I can find while also planning a rewatch. Thank god for media getting us through these hard times. <3

Nic, I've been following your writing for a long time (I have both your books) and it's cool to see your evolution. You write about what you feel called to write about. It empowers me to do the same in my own life.

About me: My name is Haley. I'm 35 years old. I'm married and don't plan on having children. I do have six neices and nephews who I adore. I am a runner, baker, houseplant enthusiast, and lover of weekend trips of all kinds. also, I'm about to turn the page to my next chapter!

Yesterday I accepted a job in a different state, so in a few months I'll be moving from Montana to Colorado. It's been about 9 years since I've done a big move like this, so I have all the feels! As part of the move my partner and I will be closer to his family and I'm really excited to be part of my nieces school age years. I posted a few weeks back about storming with my LinkedIn self...this is a step toward deprioritiezing that part of my career. I am looking forward to the move and the change it will bring, even though it hard to leave everything I know and love where I currently am!

Hiya. I'm Rachel, a fellow independent business person trying to use thoughtful means to make peace with life where I can in a word severely lacking in it. Work-wise, I guide curious people and their organizations to dance with uncertainty and change, which often looks like creative professional development and facilitation. I'm also signing up to house-sit for doggos while their humans go away. Because dogs bring me joy! (also hoovering up Heated Rivalry content on Tumblr)

Hello! I am KT, a writer & higher ed professional living near Philadelphia. I'm feeling especially writerly lately, as I was just (as of last week!) accepted into an online graduate writing program! I'm an active community member here in Philly. I help host a reading club at a coworking community, and I love showing friends and family who visit parts of the city that I think go under-recognized. Right now, my chronic illnesses are keeping me from enjoying the absolutely delightful weather we are having -- I overexerted during my birthday last weekend, and my body is paying the price for it. On the bright side, I get to snuggle with a kitty cat even more than usual, and I can move through this pain a tad bit easier because I was expecting it.

Hello everyone & Nic! I don't comment often, but I have read about and felt for your massive, complicated losses, Nic. I am continuing to send you and your family a lot of love. A lot. Of love.

Right now, externally or self-image management-wise, I am more of a mess than I have ever allowed myself to be, yet internally, I am continuing to slowly move towards being the healthiest I have ever been. It's been so interesting to let my facade fade and just be. In all the messiness. Out in the open. Of course, the internal work is ever-evolving & constantly feels like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but when I look in the rearview on the past few years, I am definitely in a better, healthier place. I am now someone who courageously quit an 18-year-long career when it moved from family-owned to corporate & my values no longer aligned. I am now someone who ended a "forever" relationship because I was deeply unhappy, even though we had recently purchased a house together. I am now someone who, after a year of "midlife retirement," found a new job I hated, which spiraled me into a 4-month paid leave of absence (combined mental health & endo surgery leave #privilege). I am in my last two weeks of leave and actively applying to new places with a new sense of myself and what I want to do next. I am clearer about what I am willing to trade my time for in return for income & what I am not. Who am I right now, exactly? I am a person in transition, learning about myself and learning to love myself (easier said than done). I am a person with a mood disorder who is finally learning to live with it in ways that soothe me and don't fight, flight, freeze, or fawn me. I am an Arizonan who moved here for work, but stayed because I found home. I am about to file for bankruptcy because my last, long mood spiral pushed me into severe credit card debt. I am now someone who can share this detail without shame. I am absolutely obsessed with aesthetics (Libra core) and decorated my new place in a way that makes me incredibly happy to be here. & - I am a proud cat mom to Professor Lupin.

I am many more things, and I am continuing to shed many others, but these are what come to mind right now.

Nic- thanks for this prompt. I always love the way you make me think.

Hello Nic and all of the other commenters! I’ve been a long time follower/listener, and I’ve always admired your words and your transparency. Sending extra love to you as you navigate your grief journey. I’m an almost (April) 49 yo woman struggling with work burnout, perimenopause, and the depressing state of world affairs. Currently trying to decide if my husband and I want to relocate to the city where my company is HQ’d so I can go back to my previous role (so much less stress) or buy a small home in the mountains and get a job at the local hardware store. The second option is mighty tempting as it would eliminate emails and Teams from my life :-) I live in Florida and while it’s warmer than I’d like right now, I am enjoying the sunshine. I love hiking, reading, yoga, albums, and matcha, and being with the people I love.

I’m Beth, I’ve been around here for a few years now. I love your writing because it feels like how I would write/how I want to write.

I am 37 and a nature-based preschool teacher in Holland, Michigan. I love exploring nature with kids and by myself.

Right now, I’m feeling a little stuck and burnt out though, the classroom I’m in is beyond challenging both with kids behavior and teacher issues. So I’m not sure what the future holds for me.

Hi everyone. I'm dan and like so many of you, a long, long time fan of Nic's writing and their willingness to share so much of their experiences, learnings, insights, and questions with the world. I have what feels like the world's longest memory and can sometimes be found here making callbacks to stories and posts that are both figuratively and in some ways literally from lifetimes ago.

In my teens and 20s, I was perhaps older than my years. I never felt like I was navigating life issues because I knew who I was and the things I liked and didn't like. Now I'm in my 40s (yeesh) and I'm still that same person I felt like I was decades ago, and I increasingly find myself questioning whether that's a good thing. Did I never experience growth? Was I ahead of things then or am I behind now? Both? Neither? But also it's not like I'm upset about it per se; I liked me then and I like me now. It just feels like I missed something somehow.

But while I navigate those questions more broadly, I'm also allowing myself the specific joy of being someone with a chronic illness who spent the last 5-6 years in the wilderness of having no working medication, constant battles with insurance, and rapidly deteriorating health -- only to finally finally finally in the last six months find a new doctor, new medication, and start feeling things stabilizing and turning the corner. The world is full of innumerable terrors and unspeakable hardship but fuck if I'm not simultaneously elated to see a future where I can physically engage with it again. A genuine "look out world, here I come" state of things.

Also I write way too many words, all the time always. If I were texting you, this would all have been one big long text. That's just me, always has been, always will.

Hi Nic and friends! My name is Ali, I'm a 38 year old queer woman living in Buffalo, New York (Seneca/Haudenosaunee land). I'm living in a space of contradiction right now...trying to navigate the profound rage and grief at our government, as well as being an anti-zionist Jew in a time where Israel is being more destructive than ever, and at the same time feeling like I am finally living the big beautiful life I have always dreamed of. I'm married to an incredible butch lesbian, we have an adorable tiny house with two pets, I am deeply connected to leftist activist organizing (Jewish, interfaith, and secular) in the city where I live, I have found a new physical hobby that brings me so much joy (roller skating!). Holding both is a lot, but the good is the only thing keeping me from crumbling under the bad. I just finished the first class of a queer Talmud course - Talmud is the documentation of Jewish moral and social argumentation around living a just life, and learning to participate in this kind of knowledge production is a kind of ancestral re-connection to the Jews of medieval Europe that I have been craving.

I am 43 the end of this month. Im just trying to figure out this next phase of my life after saying goodbye to my dog of 17 and a half years. I never had a plan for my life growing up. Actually it was probably just survive and get through it. I've been reading your writing since you had a pink and orange blog :) Happy to be here.

Hi everyone! I'm Lydia, a 33-year old preschool teacher and mom of three. My youngest just turned 3 and I feel like I'm starting to finally emerge from the crucible of new motherhood.

I'm currently navigating figuring out who I am now. How can I carve out time for myself? How can I balance my love of being alone with the needs of my family? What do I actually NEED? (Because, spoiler alert, it's okay to have needs! Who knew!)

I also came out to my partner and a few friends as bisexual a few years ago, and that has brought up lots of things in my marriage, so I'm also going to couples therapy now. Figuring out how to explore my queer identity while in a seemingly "straight" partnership has been a bit of a learning curve, and it's something I'm working on right now, too.

Thanks for inviting us to share, Nic. I'm sending an internet hug your way!

Hi Nic and everyone, I’m Sonbol, born in Iran but have lived most of my life in the US. Right now, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the question was “I am heartbroken”. Although in reality I’m both heartbroken and full of rage watching the destruction of my homeland, and worrying about loved ones in Iran.

In between the grieving and raging, I’m also the guardian (servant?) of one dog, four cats, and a non-swimming aquatic turtle named Jeffrey, who all infuse moments of ridiculous joy and chaos throughout the day. I’m also the daughter of a wonderful mom who is turning 80 years old this summer, and is experiencing some health issues, and I’m currently navigating how to help her in ways that don’t take autonomy and abilities away from her.

I’m also an animal advocate and shelter/rescue volunteer, which has always made me feel like I’m doing a tiny bit of good in this world. I always feel that if everyone did a little bit of good in whatever area they’re interested in, then the sum total of all of us doing our little parts would make the world a better place.

It feels really small to say that I am so, so sorry for everything happening in Iran (and what has BEEN happening), but I had to say something, however inadequate. It is devastating.

I am Jess--37 years old, recently divorced, finding myself again. Didn't realize how much I'd self-abandoned until my (now ex-)husband sat me down one day and said he no longer loved me, that he didn't even care. So now it's 4 months later and I'm feeling better than ever. Instead of looking at the relationship as toxic, I've dug deep on my habits and beliefs and patterns and I've grown a lot, especially in the topics of attachment and codependency. It feels like this has been defining me for months now, but other elements of me are blossoming too.

I'm a full-time book editor, and craving a shift into full-time romance writing instead. I'm a dog mom, and have seen my pup grow even closer to me in the last four months. It's such a joy. I'm my own best friend. I'm living on my own for the first time in my life and I think I like it. I'm a plant lover, both indoor and outdoor, and mourning the shift from big-time backyard gardener to limited to a third-floor balcony this year. I'm reuniting with old friends and meeting new. I'm working on accepting my return to Washington to be closer to my family when I really want to be in Oregon--specifically Bend. I'm working through blocks on working hard in exchange for money. I recently pierced my nose and I love it so much. I've accepted that I hate cooking and would prefer to feed myself with as little of it as possible. I've recommitted to my health journey, found some accountability buddies, and work on understanding my body in ways I never have before. I'm a teacher and creative and honestly, just loving myself a little more every single day.

Hi everyone! I’m Rachel and I am in my mid-fifties, and live in Minneapolis. A little over two years ago I started my own business and I enjoy getting to practice my values and beliefs within my work every day. Personally, my partner and I are both navigating caring for our aging mothers and celebrating our children living lives that seem to reflect who they want to be in this moment. I am finding joy in books, good movies, walks in nature, conversations with my sister, and the daily reminders of what living in a community that cares for one and another (all beautifully unique individuals) can look like. There are also plenty of days that I rage against the state of our world and the destruction we are witnessing on all fronts. And, try my best to not let it overwhelm me. Some days that goes better than others! Thank you Nic for being so fiercely you, I am grateful for your writing. Sending you continued love and peace as you navigate your grief.

It was such a delight to read all of the answers, what a colorful community we are <3 I'm Kellya, a 38 years old french girl living in Germany. I am happily married without kids (by choice) and even more happy in my marriage in the last few months as we have decided to deepen our communication and explore more freely. I have a good paying job that has leaved the center of my life, which offers me the space to be very active in my local community and politics, practicing a more integrated and kinder world.

I’m Jacq, I’m 37 and about to be a parent. I am also a small business owner. The combination of slowing down in pregnancy and reaching a place that feels secure in my business has me in this wonderfully interesting place of having pretty well separated my identity and sense of worth from my work, while also being the most excited and invested in it I’ve ever been. I’m really focused right now on my evolving role in my community including being someone that can graciously receive support, as well as provide it.

Hey all, I go by JJ and right now I’m working on building an off-ramp from work that has me feeling like I’ve hit an emotional dead end, and also that I’m not sure is going to exist in a few years. I’m focusing on the short term at the moment, and under it all I really just want to get off my computer, and get my hands into some dirt. I’m a pretty avid hobby gardener, but lack any real working experience in horticulture or landscaping. Still, I did the scary thing of cold emailing an acquaintance who runs a small native landscaping biz if they needed any help, and to my absolute shock they said yes and I’m able to shadow them/work in an adhoc capacity over the next season!! I’m so excited (and extremely appreciative) of this opportunity, and however it goes over the next few months I’ll at least have a new data point as a directional yay or nay. This week I also attended an in person Queer Entrepreneurship workshop, which was both wholesome and expansive, and really got some dusty gears spinning for me. Being aware and tuned in to the world is hard at the moment, but I am excited to take a bit of a sledgehammer to lawn culture (deeply rooted classism there), while helping to build supportive environments for the birds and the bees.

This is so cool! One of my short-term dreams is to turn our front lawn into a vegetable garden. I love the phrase "Sledgehammer to lawn culture" : )

Hi all! 👋🏼

I’m Alex, a perimenopausal almost 47 year old living happily single and childless in the Philly burbs. Nic, your way of living has inspired me so much over the years I’ve been reading you. Since COVID I’ve been working on decoupling my professional self from my personal self. What would a life free from the shackles of a traditional 9-5 look like for me?

Years ago you posted about a course on mortality you were doing with Alua Arthur (I think with Caitlin Doughty). I started following her and her org Going with Grace… fast forward a few years to now (and several dead family members later) and I just finished GWG’s Death Doula training/retreat over the weekend. Not sure exactly where it will take me but end of life work is something I’m going to keep exploring - it seems AI proof and useful in a time of collapse!

I see you in your grief over the loss of your parents, Nic - it will change you, I hope in some unexpected and beautiful ways. Appreciate you and the community you’ve created!

Hi, I'm Britt. I live in Olympia, WA and am married and a mom to a 12 year old boy. Right now I'm living in the in-between of leaving a 20-year career in non-profit arts education and transitioning to being a surgical tech. I'm starting my pre-reqs for the surgical tech program in April and will hopefully be in a surgical tech program at a nearby community college this time next year. I'm so excited and kinda amazed that I am making this change because change is really hard for me, and I know this is going to be full of ups and downs, but it feels really right. And that is giving me energy while so much else feels bleak. Nic's newsletter is quickly becoming my absolute favorite and something of a touchstone for me in my week. Nic, your priorities and clarity in your writing are so appreciated by me, thank you so much for sharing yourself with us in this way.

Hi Nic! and everyone! :) I'm Adriana. I read from Spain, this is where I've made life for 15 years and where I feel home is but I'm also very much an immigrant. I was born in Venezuela. Right now I'm someone who is obsessed with sewing but haven't done that many projects yet, even though I can't stop thinking about it. Last year I finished a quilt with my mother's clothes, who passed in January 2022 (and this week I sent to print a zine about the project). I'm so sorry for your loss, Nic. I'm sending big hugs your way. You are very much an inspiration to me in your continuous alignment with who you are/ want to be. Also, thank you for your writing, specially for not shying away from the difficult topics like money and collapse. <3

Hi, I am KJ and I just turned 40. I am spending my days balancing the particular grief of paying attention [to everything] and fully inhabiting a life that would have been inconceivable to the girl I used to be. My days are spent in the company of my wonderful husband and an old dog that brings me so much joy. Right now I am in a liminal space of re-thinking what my future might look like now that life has bluntly pruned several promising branches from my "tree" as it were. Each day is a new day.

What a beautiful space you have created, Nic, with this open and honoring question of who are we right now. All I want to be is present in these responses that I have lovingly poured thru and celebrated, in all their hardships and joy and truth! What voices and lives!

I’m 43 and recognizing how much I have changed thru my life, while still rooting into grounding rituals and honoring my need for quiet, solitude, the creative, and exploration. I discovered a tarot guild here in SLC, hosted by our library; it is ALL THAT and so much more - being in this community has been a huge source of presence and inspiration for me since December.

Grief is an ongoing journey; it will come in its own waves, on its own time. You keep being you. You are so loved & a light in this community

Hello! I am S, from the UK. I am in my 30s, I am a mother to a toddler and keen to have more children. I am very aware of the collapse of the world and have been for a long time, but have struggled to find ways to consistently and genuinely respond. I'm still not there, but I really appreciate seeing all of the ways we all find those paths. Like many others here, I am at a transition point work-wise and currently stuck in the final stage of one project that comes with a lot of emotion. I am also trying to face the realisation that I may be turning my back on the kind of ambition I had previously expected of my career, and focusing on the familial and interpersonal. I have really appreciated your money content, which helps me work to propel myself towards the most aligned approach for me (very different to yours). I love to knit and exercise.

Hello! I'm Rachel from Cary, NC. I turned 40 last November and right now I'm in the midst of shifting my work focus both in a new direction and with an even lighter attachment to 'productivity and hustle'.

I also moved in with my partner, Matt, last month and so have been navigating that shift too.

I'm rebuilding the my solo business after 10 years mainly focused on a few services that I've felt done with and so have needed to close down.

Last week, I demolished my business website down to the studs and am in the process of rebuilding it now. It's something I've been thinking about doing for a while and finally started deleting whole sections and now most pages are just blank containers waiting to hold the new next version of my business. It's been both a challenge and a relief to give myself a long runway to pivot and do the work to rebuild in a slow, strategic way. I still slightly - and subtly probably - panic sometimes though because capitalism and the necessity of rent, etc.

Right now I'm loving reading, playing rec sports, standing on the edges of exploring pattern-making and illustration and graphic design skills as an art and creative practice, and writing more and more publicly. I'm also learning Spanish, taking piano lessons, and training to run a slow 10k.

I'm Katy and I live near Philadelphia. I'm a 52-year old archivist and librarian, mom, author, dancer, runner, gardener, lover of animals. But but but... my mom-ness is centered around being the mom of a college-aged son with mental health challenges. And so many of the things I love have either been fully on hold or made more difficult because of a major knee injury last August (I'm having surgery, FINALLY, next month. And because the last year was so very hard, I haven't written anything in so, so long. I feel like I've drifted away from my life, and myself. But I'm hoping that after the long road from surgery onward, I can either regain that life or make something new and better.

I’m Ash. Right now: I am a job applicant. I am grad student soclose to graduation. I am (feeling like) a C+ mom for all the time and energy that I’ve poured into school. I am a wife with a wife in a liminal space, a holding pattern. I am realizing most of who I am is relational and the other aspects of myself, my individuality, feel far away. I feel like I am planning a trip after graduation, but the trip is metaphorical and actually I am just trying to track down and visit all the versions of myself I’ve lost touch with and see who still greets me as a friend. I am a friend. After nearly a decade, I guess I am a Washingtonian, a Tacoman even, but I am equally a person estranged from my mom and my hometown, Bend. I miss versions of each that will never exist again. Their influence is baked into who I am though. So is the grief. I am a loser in the sense that I experience a sense of disorienting loss when I let myself look back or around or over there, yet I’m also an admirer and a believer and a dreamer. I am a radical supporter of messy human growth, a conflict alchemist, and a steward of big feelings. I am alive and I want to be.

I am also a reader and listener and appreciator. Thanks, as always, for the space you create and questions you ask.

Hi Nic and amazing community!

Like many of you, this is my first post. I am entering my late 40s, perimenopausal, happily married, and a dog mom. I moved to Spain this year from the US. It has been a strange time since this was my life dream and also we left because we no longer felt safe as a queer couple. Living here has been more wonderful than I anticipated. I love the scale of life here, small grocery stores I walk to frequently, small baskets of laundry drying on the line, amazing and affordable local fruits and veg in season. It feels like a human scale life rather than the fast paced striving life I left in the states. I also feel like I should be fighting for my home country and do not know how while abroad. I am finding ways to volunteer here, which feels like something but not enough. I am grateful for this corner of the internet; it makes me feel less alone as we live in the both/and of this current world.