Hi everyone. I'm dan and like so many of you, a long, long time fan of Nic's writing and their willingness to share so much of their experiences, learnings, insights, and questions with the world. I have what feels like the world's longest memory and can sometimes be found here making callbacks to stories and posts that are both figuratively and in some ways literally from lifetimes ago.
In my teens and 20s, I was perhaps older than my years. I never felt like I was navigating life issues because I knew who I was and the things I liked and didn't like. Now I'm in my 40s (yeesh) and I'm still that same person I felt like I was decades ago, and I increasingly find myself questioning whether that's a good thing. Did I never experience growth? Was I ahead of things then or am I behind now? Both? Neither? But also it's not like I'm upset about it per se; I liked me then and I like me now. It just feels like I missed something somehow.
But while I navigate those questions more broadly, I'm also allowing myself the specific joy of being someone with a chronic illness who spent the last 5-6 years in the wilderness of having no working medication, constant battles with insurance, and rapidly deteriorating health -- only to finally finally finally in the last six months find a new doctor, new medication, and start feeling things stabilizing and turning the corner. The world is full of innumerable terrors and unspeakable hardship but fuck if I'm not simultaneously elated to see a future where I can physically engage with it again. A genuine "look out world, here I come" state of things.
Also I write way too many words, all the time always. If I were texting you, this would all have been one big long text. That's just me, always has been, always will.
Hi everyone. I'm dan and like so many of you, a long, long time fan of Nic's writing and their willingness to share so much of their experiences, learnings, insights, and questions with the world. I have what feels like the world's longest memory and can sometimes be found here making callbacks to stories and posts that are both figuratively and in some ways literally from lifetimes ago.
In my teens and 20s, I was perhaps older than my years. I never felt like I was navigating life issues because I knew who I was and the things I liked and didn't like. Now I'm in my 40s (yeesh) and I'm still that same person I felt like I was decades ago, and I increasingly find myself questioning whether that's a good thing. Did I never experience growth? Was I ahead of things then or am I behind now? Both? Neither? But also it's not like I'm upset about it per se; I liked me then and I like me now. It just feels like I missed something somehow.
But while I navigate those questions more broadly, I'm also allowing myself the specific joy of being someone with a chronic illness who spent the last 5-6 years in the wilderness of having no working medication, constant battles with insurance, and rapidly deteriorating health -- only to finally finally finally in the last six months find a new doctor, new medication, and start feeling things stabilizing and turning the corner. The world is full of innumerable terrors and unspeakable hardship but fuck if I'm not simultaneously elated to see a future where I can physically engage with it again. A genuine "look out world, here I come" state of things.
Also I write way too many words, all the time always. If I were texting you, this would all have been one big long text. That's just me, always has been, always will.