Hello everyone & Nic! I don't comment often, but I have read about and felt for your massive, complicated losses, Nic. I am continuing to send you and your family a lot of love. A lot. Of love.
Right now, externally or self-image management-wise, I am more of a mess than I have ever allowed myself to be, yet internally, I am continuing to slowly move towards being the healthiest I have ever been. It's been so interesting to let my facade fade and just be. In all the messiness. Out in the open. Of course, the internal work is ever-evolving & constantly feels like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but when I look in the rearview on the past few years, I am definitely in a better, healthier place. I am now someone who courageously quit an 18-year-long career when it moved from family-owned to corporate & my values no longer aligned. I am now someone who ended a "forever" relationship because I was deeply unhappy, even though we had recently purchased a house together. I am now someone who, after a year of "midlife retirement," found a new job I hated, which spiraled me into a 4-month paid leave of absence (combined mental health & endo surgery leave #privilege). I am in my last two weeks of leave and actively applying to new places with a new sense of myself and what I want to do next. I am clearer about what I am willing to trade my time for in return for income & what I am not. Who am I right now, exactly? I am a person in transition, learning about myself and learning to love myself (easier said than done). I am a person with a mood disorder who is finally learning to live with it in ways that soothe me and don't fight, flight, freeze, or fawn me. I am an Arizonan who moved here for work, but stayed because I found home. I am about to file for bankruptcy because my last, long mood spiral pushed me into severe credit card debt. I am now someone who can share this detail without shame. I am absolutely obsessed with aesthetics (Libra core) and decorated my new place in a way that makes me incredibly happy to be here. & - I am a proud cat mom to Professor Lupin.
I am many more things, and I am continuing to shed many others, but these are what come to mind right now.
Nic- thanks for this prompt. I always love the way you make me think.
Hello everyone & Nic! I don't comment often, but I have read about and felt for your massive, complicated losses, Nic. I am continuing to send you and your family a lot of love. A lot. Of love.
Right now, externally or self-image management-wise, I am more of a mess than I have ever allowed myself to be, yet internally, I am continuing to slowly move towards being the healthiest I have ever been. It's been so interesting to let my facade fade and just be. In all the messiness. Out in the open. Of course, the internal work is ever-evolving & constantly feels like 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, but when I look in the rearview on the past few years, I am definitely in a better, healthier place. I am now someone who courageously quit an 18-year-long career when it moved from family-owned to corporate & my values no longer aligned. I am now someone who ended a "forever" relationship because I was deeply unhappy, even though we had recently purchased a house together. I am now someone who, after a year of "midlife retirement," found a new job I hated, which spiraled me into a 4-month paid leave of absence (combined mental health & endo surgery leave #privilege). I am in my last two weeks of leave and actively applying to new places with a new sense of myself and what I want to do next. I am clearer about what I am willing to trade my time for in return for income & what I am not. Who am I right now, exactly? I am a person in transition, learning about myself and learning to love myself (easier said than done). I am a person with a mood disorder who is finally learning to live with it in ways that soothe me and don't fight, flight, freeze, or fawn me. I am an Arizonan who moved here for work, but stayed because I found home. I am about to file for bankruptcy because my last, long mood spiral pushed me into severe credit card debt. I am now someone who can share this detail without shame. I am absolutely obsessed with aesthetics (Libra core) and decorated my new place in a way that makes me incredibly happy to be here. & - I am a proud cat mom to Professor Lupin.
I am many more things, and I am continuing to shed many others, but these are what come to mind right now.
Nic- thanks for this prompt. I always love the way you make me think.