Like most of us, I’ve had plenty of hard things to deal with over the years. Some I handled well. Some I didn’t. I have a rich collection of my own heroic stories... and just as many laughable and ridiculous cautionary tales.

And yet, when I’m stressed, I can still forget all of that. A challenge can suddenly feel bigger than anything I know how to handle. My confidence drops, my thinking narrows, and This is hard can pretty quickly turn into I can’t do this. Why did I think I could?

That’s one of the sneaky things about stress. It can make us forget just how much evidence we already have that we’ve made our way through hard things before: crises, difficult conversations, problems we’ve solved, times we adapted, asked for help, changed course, or simply kept going.

Remembering those experiences doesn’t mean this challenge will be easy or that things will turn out the way we want. It just helps widen the picture.

This is hard doesn’t have to become I can’t do this. It can become: This is hard. I may not know how I’m going to handle it yet. But I’ve made my way through hard things before.

Reflect

Think of a current challenge that has you doubting yourself.

Now think of one or two hard things you’ve faced before. What helped you get through them? Maybe you focused on what you could control, asked for help, learned more, changed course, or talked with someone you trusted.

Then ask:

Is there anything from those experiences that might help me with what I’m facing now?

You might even keep a short list somewhere of hard things you’ve made your way through, what helped, and what you learned. Stress can make those stories surprisingly easy to forget.

If you’re supporting others

Instead of jumping straight to reassurance, help them reconnect with their own experience:

“Have you faced anything like this before? What helped you get through it?”

Sometimes helping someone remember their own history is more powerful than telling them, You’ve got this.

Want to go deeper?

Psychologist Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy explores how our beliefs about what we can do shape the way we approach challenges.

Self-Efficacy: The Theory at the Heart of Human Agency, American Psychological Association