This weekend, I was lying in bed thinking about a potential consulting project that I'm both excited and a little anxious about. It would be one of the biggest and most consequential assignments of my career.

Out of nowhere, the magnitude hit me, along with a rush of nervous energy, anxiety, and self-doubt. And right away, my mind was spinning: Am I really up for this? There are so many ways this could go south. I might crash and burn.

Sound familiar?

Our nervous systems constantly respond to what's happening, often before we're aware of it. When something feels threatening or overwhelming, our bodies can shift instantly into survival mode. Our minds try to make sense of it.

Therapist and author Deb Dana calls this “story follows state.” When our nervous system senses a threat, our minds can quickly construct stories that fit what we're feeling. Often, we don't recognize them as stories. They simply feel true.

Our nervous system isn't misbehaving. It's doing its best to protect us, even when its response isn't especially helpful. Instead of fighting these reactions, we can approach them with curiosity and friendliness.

That's what I tried that night.

What if I practiced a little curiosity here? Where am I feeling this in my body? What triggered that rush? What stories am I telling myself?

I noticed how quickly sensations and thoughts reinforced each other. Instead of treating my reaction as a problem to fix, I became interested in it.

Nothing magical happened. But the anxiety lost a little of its edge, and I wasn't making things harder by struggling against my response.

Looking back, I realize the feeling, however intense, wasn't right or wrong. It was simply what I was experiencing. And it didn't have to determine what came next.

Try this

Next time you experience a difficult emotion, whether anxiety, frustration, self-doubt, or something else, pause and get curious.

What's happening in my body? What story is my mind telling me?

Notice both with kindness, without immediately trying to judge or change them. If you're too overwhelmed to feel curious, that's okay. Find a little steadiness first, then see what becomes possible.

Curiosity isn't simply a way to ease discomfort. It's a small, repeatable practice that can help us gradually expand our capacity to experience difficult feelings without getting swept away by them. Over time, we may find ourselves better able to meet even greater challenges with increasing flexibility and choice.

Want to explore further? For a deeper dive into understanding and befriending your nervous system, listen to this conversation with Deb Dana on the Conversations on Healing podcast.