Q: Why do people read Slaughterhouse-Five?
A: Because they Vonnegut book.

This week's newsletter will be slightly Kurt because I have been slightly busy. (Sorry, I don't mean to slight you.) I was going to write about being busy but I don't have time to do that until next week. Instead, I will write about the one Vonnegut quote that we often refer to 'round here these parts including just yesterday while enjoying some homemade nime chow on the patio as I looked across the table at Debbie and said, "Well if this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

This is a reference to a Kurt Vonnegut quote which the Internet suggests I have been misquoting for my entire life (I mean, just the times I'm trying to quote it, not my whole life nonstop)(or maybe it is my whole life nonstop; arguably this entire newsletter is just a very bad misquotation of Vonnegut)(and a terrible cookie recipe), because I've just looked it up and found that the quote from the commencement speech he gave was apparently, "If this isn't nice, what is?"

Anyway, even if I've gotten the quote wrong, I've got the sentiment right enough to still pause now (...)(wow, italicizing ellipses does not work) and then to do that, which only becomes more important when every time I look at the news my reaction is "these absolute fuckers just want to make life worse for everyone and they are succeeding", and we all need to remember there are also good things in the world sometimes.

Also I just looked up the quote on a different site and maybe I had it right after all: "And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" I'm wrong even about being wrong! (insert your own airplane joke here)

OTHER WAYS IN WHICH I AM WRONG

A friend replied to my previous newsletter to point out that book count is a terrible way to quantify reading, both since people can read lots of things that aren't books, and that "a book" is not actually a great unit of measurement. (y'know what is a great unit of measurement? The Rhode Island! Any time people refer to something as the size of Rhode Island, it warms my heart)(also Kilohamsters! But no one uses that.)

On the one hand, this is clearly true. In a week I might read a single Dungeon Crawler Carl or Corey Doctorow book, or a dozen graphic novels, or 40 pages of A Resistance History of the United States. Debbie has had similar annoyances with me in the kitchen when I inform her that I am only using 4 potatoes or carrots, since she seems to believe potatoes and carrots come in sufficiently different sizes that this isn't a good measurement.

But, and it's a big but (and I cannot lie), we want a simple number. Even though book count or potato count is a dumb way to go about things (depending on the thing. If you're selling books it's totally reasonable to have a potato count)(always book sale signs, never potato sale signs, to whom can I complain?)(probably the omspudsman), we like having a number that we can instantly apprehend and compare with zero effort required. With food you can use volume or weight, but also that's annoying because measuring things takes effort and counting things doesn't. So there are vast differences in word count and how challenging the material is but that's not easy to compare and the people (me the people)

WE INTERRUPT THIS NEWSLETTER FOR A BAT

I mean, you don't interrupt the process of reading it. But let me tell you, it sure as hell interrupted the process of me writing it. Suddenly, bat! Yes, I had the windows open at night, but there are screens in the windows with holes I could swear were a lot smaller than bat-size.

Anyway, I couldn't see perfectly because I was busy cringing in fear (in a manly way, natch), but I'm mostly sure I managed to shoo it out the window, so I have sent Debbie an email with the subject line "I am 95% sure there is no longer a bat in the office", which I'm sure she will be delighted to wake up to. I am great at writing comforting emails.

DOING THINGS POORLY

Doing things poorly is important, and the topic of this week's column:

• In praise of doing things poorly

"Anything worth doing is worth doing well" is one of those common-sense proverbs everyone heard decades ago. But more recently I heard a new one: "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly." That may just sound like an ad for a reflecting pool painting company, but it's actually the idea that when it comes to doing good things in our own lives, that it's okay not to have high quality as the bar. When doing things well would require more than we have to give, it's still better to do something than nothing at all. (Again, not true for repainting reflecting pools. Finished structures containing water should be done well.)

The problem with doing things well is that it can require an overwhelming (over-well-ming?) amount from us. And when we get overwhelmed, the temptation is to give up and do nothing. For example, it's easy to look at the world and think, "I should make the world better." And there are people who do that very well! I have friends who have made an entire career out of making life better for other people, and then in their free time, they donate time, money, and blood, to continue making life better for other people on a regular basis.

I do not do charity well. I do charity poorly, by occasionally donating a little to a worthy organization and then feeling guilty about not doing more. I was once having a conversation with someone who reassured me I was a good person because of the blood donor shirt I was wearing. I had to tell them that I did not donate blood, but had a generous friend who was a blood donor and also a t-shirt donor.

[...]

Sometimes we have to recognize that perfection is impossible, and there's still value in doing something, because it's better than doing nothing. So embrace doing things poorly. Do a small good thing even if you don't live up to the standards your friends set. Do a slapdash 2-minute cleaning job, because it beats waiting for the motivation to do it properly, which may arrive in 2029. Do things poorly, not just because it's better than not doing them, but because doing them poorly is the first step towards doing them better.

Last week's Banner column:
A Need to Read

I HAVE FOUR SUBSCRIBERS

in binary! My last newsletter title ("You are the 1%") just became more accurate because with my hundredth subscriber, you are personally now 1% of my readership. If that burden of responsibility feels too great, feel free to share this newsletter with a friend who might enjoy it, as a single new subscriber will relieve you of being a full 1% of my audience, thus absolving you of any imagined responsibilities.

That wraps things up for this week. As always, I thank you for reading, will be back in two weeks with another column, and if you can't do something well, maybe this is the week to just suck it up, take two minutes, and do a very poor job of it -- manly cringing optional.

A Reluctant Bat-man,
Seth