How to grow old
This week’s question comes to us from Corlin Beum:
As you get older, what habits do you try to develop to keep your mind young, and fight off cynicism.
Be curious.
When my daughter was a teen, and starting her deep dive into music, we used to go to the record store together. This was usually done on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and the weather here being generally nice we’d walk over and make a few other stops along the way. These trips generally worked out great for her because being a teen with no money, it was a fantastic opportunity to get me to pay for things. Which I was very much aware of, but because I was also getting the gift of her company, I always felt like I was getting the better of that deal. The twenty minute walk also meant a twenty minute conversation.
At first most of our conversations consisted of her asking me questions. Did you ever see The Clash? (Sadly, no.) What was the first record you ever bought? (John Lennon & Yoko Ono’s Double Fantasy.) How come the Chili Peppers made it big but Fishbone didn’t? (Racism.) Who was better, the Beatles or the Stones? (The Kinks.) Does vinyl actually sound better? (No idea. My hearing is shattered.) So why do you still buy it? (Memories.)
As time went on, and her music knowledge increased, she started asking me questions about bands I’d never heard about. It’s not like I wasn’t keeping up with new music, but I was obviously not keeping up with new music. Not with the same ferocity and free time as a teenager awakening to her place in the world and with the energy it takes to form the “self” that typically happens at that age.
Man, I had bills to pay! And weed was now a thing I rubbed on my knee cause it hurt!
But my kid being my kid, she came up with a plan.
“Okay, from now on when we go to the record store I’m gonna pick out an album for you, and you have to buy it, no questions asked.”
“Bet.”
And this is how I learned about Danny Brown, FKA Twigs, Death Grips, Black Midi, Sophie, Weyes Blood, and lots of other stuff. Did I like everything she recommended? Not everything, but I liked most of it. (Like a good DJ, she understood the best way to get me to try new things was to slowly work me past where I was comfortable, but never to make me uncomfortable.) And it all led to hundreds of amazing conversations that continue to this day. Although at this point most of her recommendations are shared over text.
A few years ago, I read an article about how FOX News’ goal was to make people afraid to leave their house. (I apologize for not remembering where I read this.) But that line stuck with me. Make people afraid to leave their house. Make people believe that the unknown is scary. Make people believe that otherness is scary. Looking over the American landscape today, you have to admit their plan worked. Most Americans are afraid to leave their house. My own idiot brother won’t go to CVS unless he’s “strapped.” My own mother tells me there are “too many races out there now.” In my own neighborhood, in my supposedly progressive city, my neighbors attach surveillance devices to the outside of their homes so they can monitor what’s “out there” from the safety of the control panels in their homes. A few months ago, while walking my dog, I saw a neighbor run out of their house to snap a photo of a delivery driver who’d just delivered their dinner to their doorstep. He’s not casing your house, child, he’s delivering your food.
We are so afraid of what’s out there.
And to be fair, there’s some scary shit out there. But the scary shit that’s out there isn’t the scary shit that FOX News warned us about. The scary shit out there are the terrified Americans who cowardly roam around in packs (some of them wearing badges) trying to clear the country of the things that scare them. And they are always in packs, or gangs, or klans, because the idea of being outside—alone—is terrifying to them.
Because the opposite of curiosity is fear.
As a young person, I was told that as I got older I would get more conservative. This was always told to me by people who were afraid to leave their house. And I would ask them why they thought that would happen.
“Because you have more to protect.”
And that’s generally true, as we get older we do have more things to protect, and things get more unfamiliar to us. We don’t recognize the music we hear around us so easily. The food smells in the neighborhood change. Etc etc etc. So we lock ourselves in our house, and we lock up our toothpaste. (The toothpaste! Who will protect our toothpaste?) And we start saying bullshit like “In our day we had to pay our student loans!” We decide to buy a fedora. We take stock of the Black Flag tattoo on our chest before going to bed as an assurance that, yes, we are still very cool, indeed.
Or… we can decide that the thing we need to protect is our entire community. Even if, and especially when, some of it might have become unfamiliar to us. Because those might be the places where our curiosity takes us tomorrow.
🖐️ Got a question? I might answer it. But you gotta ask it.
📰 For the record, this newsletter is proudly made with Buttondown, a company that treats me, my readers, its users, and its employees well. If you’re still posting or reading shit on Substack, you’re putting money in Nazis’ pockets. So maybe don’t.
🎵 The new FKA Twigs, EUSEXUA, is very much worth your time. (And yes, my daughter told me to listen to it when it came out.)
📗 The Shitty Pulp edition of Ruined by Design is now out, and it’s fucking delightful? Do you need it? Ehhh. Will you be overjoyed you got it? Fuck yes, you will be.
💸 There’s a few spots left in my Presenting w/Confidence workshop happening Feb 13 & 14. Get a ticket! Get over your fear of talking about your work. Yes, this includes at job interviews.
🍉 Please donate to the PCRF. The ceasefire is hardly that.
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