A year of Man Feelings
It's been one whole year of this newsletter! Thank you for being a reader. Here are some highlights, learnings and ideas for the next set of issues. Oh, and is Kermit the Frog the ideal male role model? Read on...
Welcome to issue #52 of Man Feelings – that’s right, it’s been one whole year since I started writing this newsletter, and incredibly, I’ve not missed a single week. I’ve written and sent this thing while on a family holiday to the Canaries, from a field in rural Wales during a festival, while tired and stressed during work, family life and the seemingly-endless six-week holidays.
More importantly, you’ve read it – so thank you! I’m grateful for every reader and I love popping this thing in your inbox every Friday (give or take a day here and there…).
This week’s newsletter is going to be a kind of “year in review” of, well, being a man – and having feelings. When I kicked this project off, I wrote about my goals for it:
Why am I doing this newsletter? I don’t really know yet. But I think that just normalising speaking about feelings, as a man, is something that I can do. Other men might read it, and might speak about their feelings too – whether it’s to me, to their mates, or just to themselves (which might be what I’m doing if nobody subscribes).
As weeks and months passed by, I gradually moved away from trying to write about a particular “theme” of masculinity-related topics, like these ones:
Being a "fixer" of problems (September 2023)
Boys don't cry... but perhaps men should? (October 2023)
Do you need to know how to drive to be a man? (January 2024)
Instead, I just tried to write about things I was thinking, feeling or experiencing that week – whether it was being shat on by a bird, taking photos of the northern lights, or last week’s essay on crabbing in Norfolk. They’re all “man feelings”, too.
The evolution of man (feelings)
Anecdotally, I’ve ended up having more conversations this year with my male friends about our emotions. I wish I could attribute this to my little newsletter, but I think perhaps there’s something bigger happening which is causing us to be more aware of the risks of not sharing this stuff with each other.
Maybe it’s because my core friendship group and I are all approaching the same 40-shaped milestone, and have gained a new perspective on life because we just don’t care so much any more about other people’s perceptions and judgement? Maybe we’ve become subconsciously aware of the negative impact that the “manosphere” is having on younger guys, and trying in our own way to fight it? I don’t know the cause, but I’m glad it’s happening.
Many of the men in my life have faced major challenges and life changes these past twelve months. Two of my best friends have become dads in the recent past and I’ve watched their journeys from afar (not in a creepy way, they live on different continents) with love and awe at how well they’ve adapted into this new way of being. My brother-in-law, who’s a hero of mine for his resilience and determination, has wrestled with multiple crises simultaneously this year and has bested them all – though he’ll never beat an eagle in a fight, sorry bro. The dads I know from the school gates, tired pub evenings and bleary-eyed coffee chats are all doing fantastic jobs raising great kids and showing them what proper fathering means: being involved, present and emotionally available. I’m inspired every day by the men I’m close to.
The path ahead
But there are still absolute idiots out there who continue to undermine and damage things. It’s not enough to strive not to be these men, we need to constantly teach the next generation what a better example is: why aspire to be Andrew Tate, with his legacy of hate, vapidity and sneering? And when you look at who men on Reddit are suggesting as role models, we get… Captain Picard. Kermit the Frog. Aragorn. All great fictional men/frogs… but perhaps we could do more to hold up real-world examples of regular guys doing a great job?
But this isn’t my sole cause in continuing to write this newsletter. I like to write and I want this to be a fun read, not browbeating. So I’ll continue to write about silly things I’ve thought about, including my embarrassing addiction to narrowboat documentaries, going to see Shania Twain with my mum, and trying to get noticed reading edgy books as a teenager.
So thank you for being part of this and reading my newsletter each week – I appreciate you and your time. A special thank you to anyone who gets in touch after reading it to share a thought it provoked, or a follow-up comment: I’m hoping to start publishing some of these “Guest Feelings” in future editions.
And a special thank you, once again, to Annie, who started this whole thing off by calling me out—politely, with care—when I spouted off like a typical man who hadn’t done the work. A year later and I’m still talking with my friends about how I feel – I dedicate these posts to her (except the rubbish ones).
Mini-feels this week
What will succeed Succession?
We’ve just finished watching HBO’s award-winning Succession, which I’m aware finished broadcasting over a year ago. Look, parenting means you’re behind the curve on most things unless it’s the new season of Bluey, okay?!
Anyway – if you somehow slept on this show like we did, it’s basically the best thing I’ve ever watched. It’s incredibly cast, written and produced. The characters are perfect and yet awful, with trainwreck-like abilities to prevent you from looking away. And much like this newsletter, there are several hidden Peep Show references. What more could you want?
The biggest thing it’s left us with, though, is the catchphrase of main character Logan Roy, played with titanic ability by Brian Cox. When frustrated or outwitted, Logan utters a disgruntled, Scots-inflected curse which Maddy and I now hurl at each other with mock-frustration whenever we can. Text alone isn’t capable of rendering Cox’s tone, so I urge you to watch this YouTube supercut of its every use. But to end this week’s newsletter, I’ll include it here:
FACK ORFFFFF!
– here’s to another year of Man Feelings! Matt