It's December 31st at 7:31pm and I've already attended and left my "New Years Eve" party by myself at a great little place called Book Society in Berkeley where I sipped on a mocktail made in the "Great Gatsby" theme and left in the rain with two new books underneath my arm to start 2026 with. I was dressed in Dark Parlour grandeur in a silk bias cut dress in the hue of a heavily oaked glass of chardonnay. My face was completely enshrouded in a thick layer of green fringe and topped with a 1940s hat, underneath it I adorned one of my favorite pieces I've made this year - one of my watch face chokers in black.

Now I sit on the couch eating leftover pasta, listening to jazz music and letting my thoughts wander to my next inspiration for the things I want to learn and make in January.

Ten Years Against the Grain

2025 has been one of those formative years. One of those years where you finally become aware of all the things that have been staring you in the face for decades and you're finally ready to do something different, something new. This was the year I took a good hard look at my daily sewing practice and said it's time to close that chapter of my life.

I spent the past 10 years learning, making and trying my best to master garment making - from my days in NYC to a newlywed in shipping containers in Oakland to a mom in my private studio in Jack London to a divorcee living on my own. The work showed results, but certain concepts always eluded me. And the "fit" factor - on my ever-evolving body - I could never capture it no matter how much I tried and learned. I was churning out things because I NEED to make, but I never felt like I was getting anywhere.

Something Finally Clicked

I decided to pick up jewelry making on a whim - mostly I was interested in chainmaille and it seemed 'simple' enough to try my hand at (boy was I wrong). I started sourcing lost jewelry pieces at antique stores, visualizing them as something else, reverse-engineering how things were put together. Learning about Swarovski crystals - how they're made differently than any other kind of crystal. The sheer insane amount of variety of beads. What "findings" are.

And then visualizing something, drawing it out and making it come to life and WEARING it. Finally, something that worked WITH my brain instead of against it.

For those of you who have watched this develop since summer - you've seen in real time my pivot and the system I've been developing with myself. Building mood boards around themes, artist inspiration, color palettes. It gave me structure but left room to explore.

The Split: Two Paths Forward

It was upon finishing "The Alchemist" this summer that I had to acknowledge that I am an artist and that's what feeds my soul - making, creating, learning. I've never exactly leaned towards selling things I've made as a career option, but that's always the way people seem to want to push my skills or talents.

I had to acknowledge that my purpose in starting this creative journey was not to make things to sell. It's to make something from my mind come into reality. Making garments never clicked because of fit - but making things from found jewelry or metal objects could be something I could adorn myself with, or I could build a collection around a theme and that thrilled me. That was something I could see putting together an art exhibit for that would feel purposeful.

This thought process split my work into two distinct paths: Jem DeSanti - my art practice, monthly themed collections, developing my style. And Dark Parlour - where I'll eventually offer custom mourning jewelry for others once my technique develops. Artist and purpose, separate but working together.

Two business books helped me see this clearly: $100 Startup and Building a Story Brand. I especially liked the idea of thinking about what you create in terms of how it helps other humans on a fundamental need, not from a consumerism point of view. Artist, business, and purpose don't have to be the same thing - and I don't have to contort myself into one shape to make them all work together.

The Books That Cracked Me Open

"The Alchemist" did more than clarify my creative path. As I neared the end of the novel I wept at the thought of finishing because I saw so much of my own personal journey in it. The book taught me about listening to what the universe keeps showing you - when something isn't working despite trying over and over, go a different direction. Not understanding your persistence with something until later when it shows you why.

But the real reckoning came from other books this year.

"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie was a hard read. I had to truly recognize that I grew up in an alcoholic family and the neglect that resulted, and how it showed up in what I thought was my worthiness in relationships. How I had been performing what I thought other people expected of me instead of just being myself.

"Attached" gave me the framework to finally see incompatibility clearly - learning about attachment styles and recognizing them in myself helped me identify when things weren't going to work and learn how to speak up for myself.

The revelation from "The Alchemist" hit different after those two books: I had been building my life so that a mate would WANT to choose me, instead of recognizing I deserve someone who champions my dreams. I'd been performing in my creative work the same way I'd been performing in relationships.

Being Myself for the First Time

At 40, I'm only now realizing I hadn't been truly myself for so long. I had developed a persona - performing for attention and acceptance. It took a lot of puzzle pieces to finally get put into the right spots: going sober, learning what my values actually were, getting the right dosage of medication to finally get my anxiety and panic attacks under control.

I started stripping it all away. Growing out my grey hair. Adopting a minimal "french girl" aesthetic for makeup. Creating basic uniforms for different areas of my life to eliminate decision fatigue. Starting to make music again after years away. Doing morning pages and weekly check-ins on what's working and what's not.

There was something purifying about this change - finally being okay with being alone because I was building a life I was actually satisfied and happy with.

December's Making

This month I've been overwhelmed with inspiration. I just started reading Erté's autobiography and the sheer amount of name dropping was astounding - I want to stop every second and learn about this person or that person. What a way to live in the 1910s. So inspiring that I'll probably need to do another collection around them.

I had to laugh out loud at my sad attempt to learn how to carve mother of pearl shells - I resigned myself to the fact that carving might need to wait until I have a better setup for collecting all the dust. But that did leave time for me to obsess about the beauty of cathedral beads and what materials are being used to make the large luxurious tassels that are just dripping with decadence. I have so many more ideas floating around of objects I want to make with them coming up. Learned that you need a LOT more silk thread than you think you're going to need, for sure.

What's Ahead

As I go to bed at a reasonable hour (because I genuinely LOVE going to bed early and waking up at the butt crack of dawn to explore the inside of my brain), I'm nervously excited about what's ahead. Dark Parlour will launch in 2026. The collections will continue. The skills will deepen.

Let's see where we are this time next year and what I'll be sharing.

—Jem

P.S. You can reply to this email - I read everything.