My father-in-law used to say, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.”

And I can think of more than a few times when I was the one getting the experience instead of what I wanted.

Things do not always go the way we hope or expect.

A conversation lands badly.
The day falls apart.
A relationship ends.
Stuff breaks.

And when life surprises us, it’s easy to get caught up in how things weren’t supposed to happen this way.

Part of resilience is expecting some of the unexpected. Not so you become negative or guarded, but so you can stay steadier and more adaptable when things go off script.

Expect that life will sometimes go off script. And when it does, don’t expect yourself to instantly be okay with it either.

Try this: The next time something goes sideways, pause and acknowledge it. Maybe it’s:

“Wow, I really wasn’t expecting this.”

Or simply:

“Whoa. Didn’t see that coming.”

Stay there for a moment. Take a couple of slow breaths. Notice what you’re feeling and what your mind wants to do. Is it rushing to fix things? Looking for someone to blame? Imagining the worst?

You don’t have to do anything about those reactions right away. Ask yourself:

“What do I need right now?”

Sometimes resilience means giving yourself time to feel what you feel and absorb what happened.

And when you’re ready:

“Where do I go from here?”

When someone else is struggling with an unexpected turn, resist hurrying them toward a solution. Instead, try simply being a calm, caring presence, giving them room to feel what they feel and find their own footing.

Sometimes resilience begins with simply letting reality be reality.