lately i've been conceptualizing my brain as an egg
Why? Because it’s just so much more intriguing to say that your brain is “[X] like an egg”, instead of that you’re sad or whatever. Here’s a glossary. Try it...
everybody go watch paganini horror (1989) on tubi right now or i swear to god
Okay, originally I had this big, long, sanctimonious intro written out about how no, I haven’t seen XYZ Prestige Television Program, because I have Tubi at...
there are no good songs called "invisible"
^The hill I’ve decided to die on this week. I mean, can you think of any? No? Exactly. Actually, I’d like to argue that it’s impossible to compose a good...
absentmindedly ranking the entire disney animated canon while enjoying some hummus from my favorite lebanese restaurant
I’ll be upfront: I’ve been super busy all week, and I could write this kind of thing in my sleep. One of the things I was busy doing was attending a bridal...
the 13 craziest things that happened to stacey from the baby-sitters club
My fellow scholars of The Baby-Sitters Club have noted that Mallory, out of the ten sitters, was disproportionately predisposed to misfortune. Mallory was...
let's write some ocd-worsening atlantic headlines
Disclaimer: This article is intended as a parody, and I do not wish to accuse The Atlantic — a publication for which I have tremendous respect — of...
how to roast a cauliflower
Since every corner of the internet became hostile to straightforward information, I’ve dreamed of sharing a basic recipe preceded by hundreds of words of...
cutting off toxic people and the fingers on your violin hand
As we reach the three-year anniversary of COVID lockdowns in the United States, a time when (if you were not an essential worker) there was little to do but...
the lesbian love story i have extrapolated from the killers' sam's town
Hot Fuss, the debut album by Las Vegas-based glamorous indie rock & roll band The KIllers, has three distinct themes: murder, being gay, and COMING OUT OF...
a major hot take
No one should ever write about music. Including me. Especially me. But I am going to write about music many times, probably this one time because I think I...
blue titanic outtakes
Hello, and welcome to a bonus thread of Titanic screencaps I could not fit in my original post! Like James Cameron himself, I axed a lot of content and I...
titanic on my blue tv: does it hold up?
A terrible and whimsical fate has befallen my television: it’s blue. Dabadee, dabadie Quite literally, it is blue. Its hex code is #0000FF. It’s so blue I...
attempting to get the whole harry styles thing
It used to be niche, not vibing with Harry Styles’s music. Or his acting. Or his fashion sense. Not particularly caring for the guy was one of those sexy and...
the seven deadly sins as season one hannah montana songs
The thing nobody tells you about evangelical childhood is that you are simultaneously permitted to consume more and fewer media properties than your peers....
lol you are trapped in this haunted house with me
HI! My name is Ashton, and this is CONTENT. I have a lot of weird garbage in my brain that some of my friends are erroneously convinced is fun to read, so I...