…let me explain.

No, too much. Let me sum up. [wink]

I can be the bravest person. I will invite. I will (rarely) invite myself. If I want to see you, I’ll ask.

Most of the time.

But sometimes? Sometimes, I need you to spell it out for me. Because I get stuck in my own head. Because I don’t want to be a bother.

Because. Because. Because.

Look, being a person is hard. Sometimes, I’m bad at it. I still get anxiety if the doorbell rings unexpectedly.

I don’t like asking anyone for anything that they don’t want to give. So anything less than an enthusiastic yes will absolutely turn me into a vampire. I will simply assume, for better or worse, that you would rather eat glass.

Conversely, if you ask me to do something, and I love the idea, I may act like a joyful Muppet. I will not apologize. I’ll be too busy planning my outfit.

Recently, I was working on scheduling something with a friend, and getting our schedules to line up has the usual difficulties. And the way they responded immediately set my heart at ease: Can’t do X. Y is looking easier.

So, I didn’t take the unavailability personally, which I try not to do generally, but everyone has bad days, etc. And that kind of response doesn’t summon old ghosts, like some do.

These days, I am even more grateful for kindness and clarity—two small gifts that really mean the world. Grateful to those who let me be messy. Who pick up the slack when I can’t, without having to be asked. Who make an offer and mean it.

And I am holding on to the gratitude with both hands, let me tell you.

Bits and Bobs

• I have ordered stickers and brownies with custom tags for book launch! (July 21 at Inkwood)

• July 23 is a panel at The Head and The Hand in Philly with Eric Smith (good human, agent, and writer), Artress Bethany White, me, and Cordelia Jensen. You need to register to attend, but come OUT.

What I’m reading: The Swan’s Daughter by Roshani Chokshi (it’s so good — the audiobook is my treadmill treat)

What I’m listening to: Bouncing between Noah Kahan’s new album, Mumford and Son’s new album, and Taylor Swift

What I’ve been enjoying: Your Friends and Neighbors, sitting in the sunshine like a cat, and planning shenanigans

What I’m missing: I’ve said this elsewhere too, but my mom. It’s weird to plan book launch without her, even though she’s been gone over a decade. I miss her.

What I’m looking forward to: Seeing old and new friends, feeding people, and [redacted].

What I’m glad about: No longer expecting things from the wrong people

What helps me: Cooking, working out, making art, and building the occasional blanket fort