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The Power of Co-Tending
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I shared last time I wrote to you, about the (now) weekly co-tending sessions. And the way that they have been unfolding has really got me thinking...Ā
What is a co-tending session?
To set the scene, I'll just share a short explanation of what these sessions are and what they look like.Ā
A co-tending session is a group spaceĀ where we can connect and then each tend to whatever it is that we need to - whether that's tending to our own needs, tending to a task or anything else.
This is sometimes called body doubling - where we are present with others to support one another to focus and attend to whatever needs or task that we want to.
So you might come along and rest for the session, or you might do some drawing or journaling, or listen to some music, or do a meditation, or eat some nourishing food, or you might do some reading or work.
IĀ open the session with a short practice & check in, a chance to share an intention for our time together (if you want to - everything is always invitational) AndĀ then we will spend the time doing our separate tending but all online together (welcome to have cameras on or off, everyone is on mute unless they need to ask something. It'sĀ completely open space to use as feels right).
Finally IĀ hold a final check out / final sharing to close our time together.
I had been thinking about the community connection and presence primarily as a form of accountability and support.Ā
For example, to finally finish one of those annoying tasks that you never seem to sit down to do. Or one of those heavy tasks that always feels like too much alone (for example, we've had several people do medical admin paperwork during the sessions and feedback how much more manageable it felt for their nervous systems and minds to do it with the support of the group quietly sitting together).Ā
I often write these newsletters during those sessions, or create something else that I might otherwise procrastinate around getting 'right' / having the barrier of perfectionism, and yet I find during the co-tending sessions I am able to focus and flow on past those worries - with both the feeling of support and also accountability of being together for a specific pocket of time.
It's of course a lovely point of connection for those of us that join.
And it's lovely to have a place to connect where there is no pressure to do or be or say anything.Ā
And yet I'm noticing another theme coming up. One that is supporting people to do things that they don't access on their own - to rest, to meditate to soften.Ā
And we explored this together to see that it is from a sense of felt safety.
The company of the group has been allowing people to meditate. Allowing them to access rest and quiet, stillness and softness.Ā
These might seem at a glance like easy things, but actually for many (if not most) of us, we have been conditioned against forms of rest.Ā
Our bodies aren't accustomed to stillness or softness.
We're braced and more comfortable pushing than slowing.Ā
And it made me reflect on how meaningful the intentional time in community can be.
AND how impactful online spaces can be.
I am really sick and tired of hearing people refer to online spaces as being lesser / not real or meaningful. My experience is that you can create incredibly rich and meaningful, simple community spaces online.Ā
And the fact that these spaces are online means that they're also so much more accessible. Whether that's because of energy, caring responsibilities, access issues, covid and other illness exposure risk, timings, location, social anxiety and other preferences.Ā
In our own spaces, we might feel more of a felt sense of safety. There is more agency and choice around when / how you engage. There is also the possibility to choose completely what you need - if you want loud heavy metal while you do a soduku, then you do you! And another member can quietly tidy their desk while noticing the warmth of sunshine on their skin.Ā
I love that everyone comes along and does their own thing. For me, as a facilitator, it is such a validating experience to witness people honour their needs in the spaces that I hold - it helps me to feel that I am doing something right.Ā
I wonder if you have ways that you feel supported by other people or beings in your life to access certain practices or meet certain needs?
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And I wonder what need, task or interest you might tend to if you felt this kind of support?
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