Dear ,
Welcome to this third newsletter, where we'll be thinking about expectations.
I had expected to write to you sooner, but life and work has had other plans (which I'll share about later in the newsletter!)
I also will likely be a bit quiet over the coming month as my son is scheduled for a surgery (which I'm feeling all sorts of wobbly about) and I'll likely be tending to him a lot of the time.
Thank you for your grace and patience in me getting these notes out to you - I create them with a lot of care and a fair bit of time so I hope that comes across and you know that writing to you is important (and so enjoyable) for me!
In this newsletter you'll find:
- Links for the audio version of the podcast
- Explorations around the 'expectation gap' and how this can impact our parenting / caregiving for little ones.
- Ways to work with me in the next few weeks
|
|
|
|
What were you expecting?
My son is very big for his age. He's currently 2.5 and wearing age 5/6 clothes. He also has a lot of language and is a verbal toddler.
Sometimes I let this fool me into forgetting that he is still a toddler.
I start to build expectations that just because he can say lots of words, that he can understand concepts that are not accessible to him.
I start to expect him to be able to access logic, and reason in ways that would make life easier for me in the moment.
But this doesn't work, because again - he is a toddler.
And as I work with parents in many different areas, whether it's sleep, feeding, parenting/ attachment, this is one of the biggest sources of challenge and friction showing up time and time again.
The Expectation Gap
This is quite simply the gap between what we expect of our children, and what they are actually able to do. Societally we often have wildly unrealistic expectations of behaviour from young children.
We expect babies to 'sleep through the night' (when night waking is protective)
We expect toddlers to 'regulate their emotions' when most adults haven't mastered this skill (and the pre-frontal cortex is not fully developed until our late 20s / early 30s)
We expect children to fit around a world that is not designed for them.
They are often positioned as the scapegoat for a world in which the systems don't support parents or families or anyone vulnerable.
Feeling tired? You need to make your baby sleep better...
Feeling overwhelmed? get your toddler's 'tantrums' under control...
Worrying about the state of the world? WORRY ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S SCREENTIME INSTEAD
My biggest invitation to start thinking about this, is to think about the areas of 'friction' that you notice coming up regularly in your relationship with your child/children (or anyone!) This might be things like certain transitions, certain moments in the day or navigating certain environments.
And then I invite you to be curious about what your expectations are in this interaction / moment: What are you expecting of your child? (perhaps what are you expecting of yourself?) Are you expecting your child / yourself to meet certain standards / go through this process or moment in a certain way?
And with each of these expectations exploring:
- are they developmentally and individually appropriate and accessible? (thinking of things such as age, temperament, neurotype, trauma histories and other factors that you might realise are relevant and need to be considered).
- are they aligned with your values? Is this something you actually want to be expecting of your child or yourself, or is this an external pressure that has become an internalised stressor?
This is something I'm in an ongoing process of exploring, evaluating, and often unlearning. It's not another thing to add to your to do list, instead I hope it might offer a new, potentially more expansive and supportive lens for you parenting/caregiving.
Society wants compliant children, but through their non-compliance, they can be some of our greatest teachers, if we make space for it.
------------------------------------------------------------
If you'd like to explore this further with me, I offer 1:1 Connection-Based Parent Coaching sessions, (where I can hold space for all of these explorations and any questions, curiosities and challenges that come up along the way.)
|
|
|
|
Each newsletter I'll share how you can work with me in the coming weeks.
All offers have a Solidarity (concession) rate for anyone that needs it.
🌿 1:1 Support
Connection-Based Parent Coaching - Space for you to be held in your parenting journey. I have space for 1 Parent Coaching client.
Sleep Support - Responsive Sleep Support that works for your family.
I have space for 1 sleep client currently. Click on the link to learn more.
🌿 Groups
I'm not currently running groups but hope to run a toolkit group (mentioned below) soon!
Work has been a bit wildly busy having started working for Sarah Moore, running programmes at both her own organisation Dandelion seeds positive parenting, as well as now working for her at the Jai Institute for Parenting. If you are interested in either of these programmes / providers and want to chat please do send me a message and I'd be very happy to connect and advise on which you might find most supportive for you.
Covid Conscious Resilience Toolkit Sessions
I run sessions within a framework called The Resilience Toolkit. I am going to be running a group programme, specifically for families that are 'still covid-ing' / are covid conscious. I don't yet have then new dates confirmed, so if you are interested please let me know and let me know what days and times work for you - you can simply reply to this email.
🌿 Free Resource
Sleep Biology Basics
You should have received this when you signed up, but in case you didn't or if you've lost it / need access again - you can access the FREE Sleep Biology Basics Resource HERE
🌿 Tender Support For You
You can check out the different ways that I offer support for individuals (not specifically for parents / caregivers, and also all things I apply in my parenting on a daily basis!) in Tender Being with Harriet.
|
|
|
|
Thank you so much for being here.
🌱 It's an honour to support you and your tender little beings 🌱
If you found this supportive - please feel free to forward on to a friend!
|
|
|
|
Have any questions?
You can reply directly to this email or use the button below
|
|
|
|
