Two late diagnoses that are giving me a whole new lens to understanding my experience of the world.
brought to you by Tender Being with Harriet
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Dear ,
This is a very personal newsletter (although I think I struggle not to send personal ones!) with some shifts and changes and growth that feel appropriate at the time of Imbolc and the birth of spring.
In this newsletter you'll find:
- A personal update that shifts into a professional reshaping
- Ways to work with me in the coming months
- Some recommendations from me of stuff I've been learning from, enjoying and some actions you can take
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A tale of two halves
A few weeks ago, I heard the words "congratulations, you are autistic".
I had known they were coming - I was part way through a collaborative identification (also called an assessment / diagnosis pathway) for both autism and ADHD.
And yet it still hit me with a huge wave of emotion. As if I had suddenly come home to myself after 35 years of being lost.
I felt gratitude and relief and grief and overwhelmed.
I felt grief because of all the versions of me that have felt misunderstood, unaccepted, wrong. For all the ways that life might have felt easier if I'd had this insight into myself those many years ago. I also felt a sense of buzzing and excitement to have these new lenses with which to understand my brain and my processes, and an eagerness to start applying these. Permission to dive even deeper into my interests (one of which has long been neurodiversity!).
I felt excited to feel part of a community that I have been slowly and subconsciously integrating into over the last six or so years.
All this to say that I now know, and want to share with you, that I am an 'AuDHDer'.
And this combination is particularly important for me, as I've always felt that I've been a person of two halves - half that is sensitive and deeply feeling and needs structure and calm, and the other that is excitable and energised and needs creativity and novelty.
One of the things I'm rethinking is how I run my work - and how I run the newsletter.
As someone in my mailing list, you are truly really important to me. I think about writing to you all the time. I have huge lists of ideas of what to say in my notes folders (ADHD creativity and multiple ideas!) but I have noticed myself struggling with the organisation side of meeting the (entirely self-imposed) deadline of the Celtic Wheel events (ADHD struggling with task completion...).
And I thought about letting go of any structure and just writing to you intuitively, as and when I had things I really wanted to share. But part of me (likely the autistic part) felt stressed by this lack of clarity, and I also feel aware that despite having lots of ideas, without some kind of structure these will likely not get sent.
All this is a long way to say: I'm going to start trying to send bi-weekly (ish) emails to you. These may be more like letters than always being a practice, but will definitely sometimes be practices too - I guess I'm waiting to see and allow for that intuition and creativity, as well as any input/requests - If you have any preferences / requests I would be so grateful to hear them! You can reply to this email and let me know any thoughts.
I'm taking a prompt from Imbolc, and trying to trust my own unfolding... I'm grateful for you joining me in this and I wonder if you notice any pull to trust your own process of unfolding? To let go of the rules and see where it takes you.
Embracing sensitivity and deep feeling
I mentioned last newsletter that I am training in Grief Tending, which I'm finding to be such a rich and clarifying experience.
In one of the sessions, a poem was shared that moved me hugely so I want to share it with you in case it resonates. It's called 'I do not consent' by Maya Luna (and its pretty long!) I've created a very imperfect recording (several second pause before it starts!) that you can access here that will be on a reel at some point... (please note there is some use of the word 'crazy' that is not inclusive framing).
Learning more about grief and building our literacy with grief, has helped me massively with recognising how our society has pathologised sensitivity. I am recognising that all of us embracing our sensitivity is a form of activism. And it's one that is desperately needed in the world right now. Our refusal and avoidance of grief has led to so much of the suffering, greed and disconnection that we are witnessing/ experiencing.
And both my identification/diagnosis process and the grief tending training have timed perfectly with my work on recalibrating and connecting up the two branches of my work (Tender Being & Tender Little Beings) into one tender tree. They have helped me to realise that the thread that weaves through all of my work is holding space for these tender moments, big feelings and vulnerable processes. As well as adding more depth, context and hopefully clarity to my website. I'd love to know what you think if you want to have a read.
I am quite confident that you being here means that you are part of this movement of reconnection, of embracing sensitivity as a beautiful offering to the world. And I want to thank you for that and for being here.
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There are a few ways you can work with me in the coming months -
🌿 The Mycelium Community Membership
The Mycelium includes:
🍄 Monthly Home Practice Invitation
🍄 Monthly Community Connection Session
🍄 Celtic Wheel Events
🍄 Private Podcast
🍄 Community Space
The Membership will be available on a 'pay what you can' basis. There are three tiers including a free option for anyone who needs it.
You can sign up using the link, or if you need a free space, or have any questions then simply reply to this email and let me know!
🌿 Resilience Toolkit
I'm currently taking new 1:1 Resilience Toolkit clients. You can see the details listed on my website, and there are solidarity (concession) rates available for those who need them.
Covid Conscious Resilience
I'm also growing my covid conscious resilience sessions, having connected with two other facilitators!
I'm so excited to be collaborating with them and we have setup a mailing list which you can join to stay up to date with when these programmes will be offered. They were previously free, but to make it sustainable for us, we will offer them on a 'pay what you can' basis - with free spaces available for anyone who needs them and suggested rates provided.
Misha is running a 3 session programme starting this Thursday. Julia is going to be running a programme in likely late Feb/March, and I'm currently planning a family CC programme - dates TBC.
We're also planning to run 'practice groups' / drop-in sessions (again pay what you can basis) for those who have completed a series of CC toolkit. I will share details here as this develops, and you can also join the specific CCR mailing list if you would like to be on there too!
🌿 Year-Long Circle Journey
This is still in the planning stages, but I am really excited by the idea of doing a year long Circle Journey. I'm not sure quite what format this will take - if you're interested and have any thoughts or requests I'd love to hear them. I'll share details as soon as they are ready.
🌿 Free Accessible Nature Resource
In case you haven't seen my free resource on The Portal - access it here.
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My Recommendations
These aren't intended as a reading / to do list - just a little insight into the stuff I'm exploring and an invitation to join me if any of it peaks your interest!
Here are my recommendations for this newsletter:
✍️ Substack - Accountability is not moral achievement but somatic capacity
📺 TV - Kim's Convenience (Netflix)
I'm very late to this show, but enjoyed comfort binging all 5 series over the last couple of weeks, as I navigated some difficult life stuff and needed some not difficult TV stuff (although there are bigger themes and difficult parts, but it's mainly a warm hearted comedy).
✉️ Donate
I'm going to share the same link again to ask for donations to Esam and his family, as the 'ceasefire' has not been upheld by Israel, let alone the fact that their home was destroyed and they have nothing. They are being displaced AGAIN, and the tents are being washed away. The situation for them and other families is really desperate. I created a reel about them that you can watch here and you can donate to them directly here.
✍️ Petition
Stop the EU-UAE Trade Agreement - smuggling arms into Sudan
Hilton Hotels - dont support ICE
Tax the super rich
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Thank you so much for your support
🌱 It's an honour to journey together as we cross from season to season 🌱
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Have any questions?
You can reply directly to this email or use the button below
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