Archive (Page 8) • Sameach • Buttondown

Mordechai, his wife, and their three children have just finished their shopping and decide to get a taxi back home. So he hails a cab and says to the driver,...

Danny is going on vacation to Israel. He arrives at JFK Airport and goes to have his luggage checked in."Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your...

Yankel always worried about everything all his life. But one day his coworkers noticed Yankel seemed like a changed man.They remarked that he didn’t seem to...

A woman calls her husband at work and says to him, “I have good news and bad news for you.”He says to her, “I’m really sorry dear, but I’m very busy at the...

A middle-aged man sitting at an airport bar in JFK noticed a handsome young man sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, he must be a flight...

Sitting on the side of the highway, waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself,...

Two Jews were standing and talking on a Moscow street. One of them did not have official papers permitting him to be in Moscow at the time. When a police...

A big-time developer from Dallas was visiting Israel. As his Israeli host was taking him around, he pointed to a new 20-story apartment-complex and...

A man shows up to work one day with bandages on both of his ears. “Oy—what happened to you?” his co-worker asks empathetically.“Don’t ask,” the man replies....

A police officer in a small town in Israel stopped a motorist who was speeding down the main street. "But officer," Itzik began, "I can explain.""Just be...

A Russian judge walks out of the courtroom, laughing loudly. A colleague asks, "What is it that you are laughing about?""Ah, I just heard an excellent...

The captain of a Syrian Air Force transport flying over the Mediterranean sends out a MAYDAY message:“This is Syrian Air Force #174 announcing we have lost...

A British man, a French man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes...

The commanding officer at the Russian military academy (the equivalent of a 4-star general in the U.S.) gave a lecture on Potential Problems and Military...

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.Upon returning to England from the South American...

An Army general was in Washington for a meeting and decided to call his base for a report. A young private answered the phone."I'd like an inventory report...

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick. The passengers all look at each other in disbelief.The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,...

On vacation, a woman and her husband had to make an emergency visit to the dentist.”I want a tooth pulled," the woman demanded. "And don't bother with the...

It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new...

A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, “I need a job and I think I’m pretty good.”The owner replied, “Okay, show me what you can do,...

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter...

An American soldier, a British soldier, and a Belgian soldiers crash into German territory in World War 2.Since it's 1944 and the Germans still have hope,...

An Alberta couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their...

Two teenagers are walking on a boiling hot day. Suddenly they see a sign on the gate of a pool saying:“Pool Closed. No swimming allowed.”One of the teenagers...

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If...

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted ‘crazy’ then he would tell me...

Israel is a country where the same drivers who shout at you will immediately pull over and offer you all forms of help if you look like you need it.Israel is...

4 college students had an exam. They decided to go party instead and come up with an excuse the next day. They walk in the next day and tell the professor...

During the Six Day War, a group of Israeli soldiers found themselves behind a sand berm in the desert about 100 yards from a group of Egyptian...

Arafat and his driver are driving along in Gaza. Suddenly a dog runs out on the street and they run it over. Arafat feels terrible and tells his driver, “Go...

America, Israel and Poland are sending up a two year shuttle mission with one astronaut from each country. Since it’s going to be two years up there, each...

A guide is showing a group of Israeli tourists the world famous Niagara Falls. “I’ll bet you don’t have anything like that in Israel!” said the tour...

During his talk, the captain asks, “OK, here’s an easy question for you. Suppose you saw an employee fall overboard. What should you do?”David, one of the...

A time traveler went back in time and saw a CIA agent.Time traveler: What year is it?CIA Agent: 1963Time traveler: Before or after JFK wa...CIA Agent:...

The first student walks into the room, where he will take an oral history test.The teacher asked, "Who is the father of communism?"The first student replied,...

At 8PM one night, a pilot who had run out of fuel made an emergency landing at a top-secret government base. He was quickly surrounded by security and taken...

A boy and his dad are walking through the streets.Boy: "What does the word drunk mean?"Dad: "Well, for example, do you see those two policemen over there? If...

Reporters CNN Journalist Christianne Amanpour and Former CBS Journalist Dan Rather, and an Israeli sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The...

A young Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother, “Guess what, Mom? Today I was the only one who could answer the teacher’s question.”His...

Obama meets the Queen of England. He asks how she runs such an efficient government.Queen: I only surround myself with intelligent people.Obama: How do you...

The heads of the all the Middle East countries have a plan to finally get rid of Israel. They request a meeting with the Israeli Premier and say, “These...

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy Father and thy...

A Jewish woman wants to take her dog to Israel, so she goes to the travel agent to find out how. He says, “It’s easy. You go to the airline, they give you a...

An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night. "There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Millions...

A Colombian drug dealer, a Brooklyn Mafioso and a Mossad agent were sentenced to death in Iran.Each was asked whether he had any last wishes.The Colombian...

A History Professor is welcoming a fresh intake of undergraduates and decides it is worth having a little fun to settle down the nervous young adults.He...

A young lawyer, defending a businessman in a lawsuit, feared he was losing the case and asked his senior partner if he should send a box of cigars to the...

An Arab and a Jew go to a pastry shop.The Arab whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn’t notice.The Arab says to the Jew:...

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face. “Ouch!” the Chinese man says. “What...

While conducting a routine inspection, the colonel arrived at the mess hall door where he met 2 KPs (Kitchen Patrol) with a large soup kettle."Let me taste...