Today's Joke
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY:...
Today's Joke
A pretty little girl named Jane was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand...
Today's Joke
A great alternative to body scanners at airports... The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come...
Today's Joke
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural...
Today's Joke
An IDF general asks a young soldier, “What will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you?”The soldier says, “I would take an Uzi and shoot...
Today's Joke
Many wanted to have Stalin's head, even his officials and the KGB.One day at the Red Square, Stalin was giving a speech in front of the public. The KGB...
Today's Joke
A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Israel. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Israelis?"The salesman...
Today's Joke
At the conclusion of the Shabbat services, the congregants of Beth Israel synagogue filed out toward of the sanctuary to the kiddush. As one of them left, he...
Today's Joke
Israelis and Arabs are fighting a battle. From the Israeli side, a machine gun fires, “bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.” From the Arab side, a rifle goes...
Today's Joke
One cheery day, a Texas billionaire was visiting Moscow on business. Russian president Putin was giving him the grand tour, Ukraine, St. Petersburg and...
Today's Joke
Bibi Netanyahu is traveling. The clerk asks him, "Name?"He answers, "Binyamin Netanyahu."The clerk asks, "Occupation?""WE WON IT IN A DEFENSIVE WAR AND...
Today's Joke
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and...
Today's Joke
Ebrahim Raisi, President of Iran, called President Biden on the phone late one night."I’ve had a remarkable dream, Mr. Biden,” he said, “and it’s something...
Today's Joke
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000 last year but didn’t donate...
Today's Joke
The phone rings at KGB headquarters.“Hello?”“Hello, is this KGB?”“Yes. What do you want?”“I’m calling to report my neighbor Yosef Rabinovitz as an enemy of...
Today's Joke
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!”“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”“Give me two reasons why...
Today's Joke
Did you hear about the Israeli who sent a message to the organizers of the Egyptian protesters?He said “Don’t attack the pyramids. We Jews WILL NOT come back...
Today's Joke
An Irishman, Frenchman, Englishman and Israeli are sitting in a pub.The Irishman says: “I have a bit of change left, I’m thinking of buying Citibank.”The...
Today's Joke
Two Mossad agents are waiting to ambush Ahmedinnajad in a dark alley, they were tipped off that he would pass by that alley at 12:30. They wait until 12:30...
Today's Joke
Osama Bin Laden was once taking a long distance train somewhere in Europe and sitting in the first class section. A Jew was also sitting there and smoking....
Today's Joke
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?The Italian – throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.The Frenchman – takes out the fly, and drinks...
Today's Joke
Moshe Dayan was driving down a highway in Israel in a big rush, so he floored the accelerator and, much to his chagrin, got stopped by a traffic officer for...
Today's Joke
A guy is partying in Tel Aviv in a local pub and suddenly noticed he lost his wallet. He got up on the bar and shouted, “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I’ve...
Today's Joke
An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, “Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you...
Today's Joke
Rabbi Levy is having difficulty delivering his usual Shabbos sermon. His new bifocals are making him feel extremely dizzy and he keeps on pausing to remove...
Today's Joke
A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here."Put up your hand if you are the laziest."When 24 men...
Today's Joke
Flying on Obama’s private plane, Obama looked at Joe Biden, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make...
Today's Joke
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a...
Today's Joke
A Russian spy under the alias of “Joe Smith” is arrested by American officials. He is put in an interrogation room and confronted by an official, Agent...
Today's Joke
A Marine is sitting in a pub and leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a paratrooper joke?''The guy next to him replies, ''Well, before you...
Today's Joke
An off-duty soldier took a train. When the train reached its first stop, a general walked in, and the soldier stood up. The General said, "At ease soldier,...
Today's Joke
A Russian worker standing in a liquor line says, "I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Stalin." Two hours later he returns to claim his...
Today's Joke
A high-ranking Nazi official visiting Switzerland asks what a certain public building is for. "That's our Navy Ministry," his Swiss host explains. The Nazi...
Today's Joke
Hillary Clinton is elected president and on the first night she spends in the White House, she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him,...
Today's Joke
In the 1970s, a middle-aged man got upset with his neighbor and spilled a flower pot full of water out his window onto her. She got very upset and pressed...
Today's Joke
Putin and Obama meet in Moscow. They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better....