[Seth Says] Happy Holidaze! (too many songs edition)
HAPPY HOLIDAZE! I think holidaze is the correct term, since I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this whole time of year is a weird floaty time where...
[Seth Says] Shop! In the name of love...
...before you break my cart. Greetings, my fine featherless bipeds! Well, maybe that's a bit of a presumption. I suppose any of you may have found a feather...
[Seth Says] Thanks For Nothing!
And I hope you'll noth again soon! TURKEY DAY! Whether you're reading this late on Thanksgiving night with a belly full of stuffing, or during Thanksgiving...
[Seth Says] For the love of god, Montresor!
Cask not what your country can do for you... A PLAINTIVE WINE Well, this is it. The last day to vote. I already voted, already wrote a column about voting...
[Seth Says] You're telling me a GHOST wrote this poem?
HALLO, WEEN Happy All Hallows Eve! Or I guess more accurately, happy All Hallows Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve Eve! It's spooky time, which admittedly is mostly...
[Seth Says] We learned, in 1492...
...a bunch of stuff that wasn't true. Who should be sacrificed to right this wrong? CHRIST, OFFER COLUMBUS Yes, today is Indigenous Peoples Day, formerly...
[Seth Says] I thought of a joke I should have made two weeks ago
...and I guess technically speaking, I thought of it one week ago. So that's three weeks in total, or 1.5 fortnights. Never let it be said I'm week at math....
[Seth Says] A Nice Hot Cup Of Spiders
DON'T YOU MEAN CIDER? I wish I did, friend. But it's 4 in the morning and I just went to use the bathroom and noticed a spider on the ceiling, and so I...
[Seth Says] Episode IV: A New Hope
The new Star Wars stuff has more colorfully clad guards, but the original had stormtroopers in white and Vader in black. So it was also known as "Episode IV:...
[Seth Says] Just because you're paranoid...
...doesn't mean they're not out to get you. THE WORLD IS OUT TO GET YOU And me. And everyone. Oh right, I was going to maybe start with something lighter and...
[Seth Says] Any artist aspires at appreciation...
...and atypical artists also adore alliteration, added an annoying author anticlimactically. I APPRECIATE YOU As always, I thank you for joining me for the...
[Seth Says] It's Not The Heat, It's The Stupidity
HOT ENOUGH FOR YA? By which I mean "hot enough for Youth Apocalypse", because it is the younger generations who will be completely and utterly screwed by how...
[Seth Says] Who shall know the hour?
Probably the person with the wristwatch. TIME KEEPS ON SLIPPIN' Hello, Peoples! Somehow it's Thursday. To be fair, I can't believe it's already July, but...
[Seth Says] Hello, My Fine Feathered Friends!
HAPPY JUNETYETH? Greetings and Salutations! Hope your June is going along well* (*for local maxima given the world). The weather is beautiful, and there's...
[Seth Says] Spring Is Here!
SPRING IS HERE! Ah, Spring, when a young man's fancy turns to going outside for a walk slightly more often, at least if the young man is me, but let's be...
[Seth Says] If I were a squid...
...I'd be a Sethalopod. GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS Hello! Howdy! Wilkommen! Bean menudo! (that's souper wrong) Thanks for tuning in to another edition of Seth...
[Seth Says] Maybe everything will be okay?
Just Squidding. THINGS ARE NOT OKAY As if the pandemic, climate change, and Russia weren't sufficient cause for worry, now we have the Supreme Court poised...
[Seth Says] April Showers Bring...
...less body odor. THE RAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PLAIN I think that's true only because it rolls more than falls when it lands in the hills or mountains....
[Seth Says] IRS: It Really Sucks!
MY JOKES ARE TAXING Hi there, kids! I've used the same picture as last fortnight. I'd love to be responsible for bringing the word fortnight back into the...
Proof that Seth was completely wrong!
LOOK, IT'S A PICTURE Our marketing research team (me, reading two comments on social media and looking at two other newsletters) has suggested that people...
What did the German say when he woke up and saw muffins?
Gluten Morgen! OPEN WITH A JOKE That's probably good advice for life. I realize I already gave good advice in my previous newsletter. I wonder if I'll be...
Seth Dislikes Living in the Updates Tab and Longs for the Primary Inbox Folder.
OBLIGATORY GREETING Hello Friends! And I guess also hello to any enemies using my newsletter to keep tabs on me? I think I'm not really important enough to...