“You’re very naïve aren’t you? You’re always in your own little world.”

Along with ‘shy’, ‘intense’ and ‘loner’, the word ‘naïve’ has followed me around all my life like four really boring school bullies (is there any other sort?).

Miriam Webster dictionary defines the word ‘naïve’ as:

1: marked by innocence or simplicity : artless, ingenuous

a naïve belief that all people are good

2: having or showing lack of experience or knowledge

The funny thing is, I’ve never thought of myself as naïve and I have always found it hard to stomach. How can someone so attuned to the minutiae of every environment they find themselves in, who struggles when the very vibes of a situation are less than ideal, how can they be seen as having a simplistic outlook on life?

When I force myself to think about it, and ultimately confront it, it’s probably because I don’t see the whole picture. I see the details - all the details all at once, but I struggle to zoom out. I see the mortar between the bricks of the buildings, but I can’t for the life of me see the whole landscape.

I spot connections and patterns all the time, but sometimes I don’t really know what it all means until someone tells me outright.

The word ‘naïve’, like the word ‘shy’, makes me feel very embarrassed. I flip flop between ‘I’m in my thirties and I can’t believe I’m like this!’ and ‘This is internalised ableism and there’s nothing to be ashamed of here!’

I suppose my lack of contextual awareness does make me come across as a bit gullible or easily led. I don’t believe all people are good, but I am definitely quite trusting, although not as much anymore. That’s the thing with later-in-life discovery of neurodivergence, before the discovery, there’s still a long time for you to identify the issues in your life and think of ways you could fix them. It’s the pattern spotting, it comes in handy. Even if you don’t know why you are this way.

The reason why the word ‘naïve’ has been floating around my head recently is because I’ve been seeing it crop up in my reading. Some of you may know that I’m going through a big ol’ hyperfocus when it comes to art. This has included buying a few books on art history from the charity shop and reading about different art schools and styles.

The Tate Art Gallery says that ‘Naïve art is simple, unaffected and unsophisticated – usually specifically refers to art made by artists who have had no formal training in an art school or academy.’

Well, that’s me in a nutshell.

This week I have been trying to learn a bit more about drawing humans and animals in proportion and using shading to make things look 3D.

As much as I have loved discovering something completely new to me that I enjoy learning about, I am conscious of not wanting to lose the style of my ink drawings that I started to make for this newsletter. There is something fun about them that a ‘proper’ drawing doesn’t convey. There’s humour and a sense of my own identity in how they are drawn.

At the risk of sounding very cheesy, I suppose I could think the same about my own naïveté. I’m glad I’m not hardened to the world or closed off. I’m glad I see things the way I do. My softness and silliness are assets, they’re not things to be ashamed of.

I’ll keep being silly. I’ll keep being in awe at it all. I’ll keep living in my own little world.

Take it easy,

Ren

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