Welcome to ‘Wavy Thoughts’, my weekly newsletter about how I’m reframing my entire life following my discovering that I am AuDHD (autistic and ADHD). If you enjoy my writing, please consider subscribing for free, or becoming a paid subscriber. I’ll be creating extra content for paid subscribers in 2025! Thanks for reading.

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Listen, I know this is a bit cringe, but hear me out. I’ve been writing this newsletter regularly for just over two months now, and it’s occurred to me that, for the vast majority of you, I am simply a random from the internet.

Well, that is true, seeing as I’ve been sharing my nonsense online in some shape or form since I was about 13. But I’m also an actual real life human who likes gardening, wearing hoodies, and eating the occasional ketchup sandwich (hopefully my GP is not a subscriber).

So as many of us wind down for Christmas, and in lieu of an actually interesting topic where I would need to use my brain to write about it, I am going to introduce myself properly in today’s newsletter.

Hiya, I’m Ren. Welcome to my newsletter, which I have named Neurowavy Thoughts. I don’t know why exactly I chose ‘Neurowavy’, although it does feel a lot more chill than ‘neurospicy’, which if I’m honest is starting to get on my nerves a bit because it’s a little overused now and makes my teeth itch. It truly is neurodiversity’s equivalent of ‘holibobs’.

I asked readers about what they would like to know about me. Thank you to those who very helpfully submitted a question! I hope these answers shed some more light on what this newsletter is and who I am.

How old are you?

The sound of AOL dial up still rings in my ears. One time I accidentally downloaded a virus from Limewire that broke our family computer. I used to take a digital camera on nights out. The other day I found a fully white hair.

I am in my early 30s.

What is your goal for your newsletter?

My goal for the newsletter is to reach people like me. I am a late-identified-many-things. I’d like the newsletter to appeal to those who are ND, sober people, LGBTQ+ folks, or those who enjoy reading stuff from compulsive oversharers on the internet. I also just love to write and I’d be doing this in some shape or form even if I did not have an audience.

What led you to write a newsletter?

I can express myself way more accurately through writing than I ever can when speaking. Speech and me don’t exactly get on. Sometimes my words come out all wrong. Sometimes it is a big effort to get the words to leave my mouth. Sometimes I am situationally mute. I realise that I can’t rely on my speech. I want to connect with people and I have a lot to say. I was a quiet person for many years, and still am in a lot of ways, but now I know that the time is now if I want to express myself creatively. I ain’t getting any younger!

What are some of your current special interests?

I think autism has become my main special interest once again. I am currently reading a book called ‘What Works for Autistic Adults’ by Dr Luke Beardon, and it is literally changing my life. When I’ve had a chance to finish the book and process it, I might write a deep dive into it. It’s fascinating.

When did you find out about your neurodivergence and how did it make you feel?

I found out in late 2021. Earlier in that year I started therapy for the first time, because I suspected I had ADHD and I wanted to visit a neurodiversity-affirming therapist before making a decision to apply for an assessment. Within half an hour the therapist said “The ADHD makes sense, but have you also thought about autism? This sounds like autism to me.” I will never forget how I felt.

I thought about when I was in my teens and living with that uneasy feeling that something about me was not right. As I usually do when I want to solve a problem, I went into full research mode and decided to google a lot of search terms relating to difficulties making friends and feelings of being ‘weird’ and ‘shy’. One of the search results brought up Asperger’s Syndrome (this was around 2006ish). I read about it, and although I had a suspicion that this could fit what I was experiencing, I saw that I did not look like any of those white boys on the web page. This was clearly a syndrome for white boys and men, it seemed. The diagnostic criteria also spoke a lot about liking museums over theatre (I’m a former theatre kid), and memorising things like train times. It didn’t sound like me, so I closed the webpage, and didn’t give autism another thought for 15 years.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like had I been diagnosed as a kid.

What are the main things that have influenced you in a way that has solidified who you are and what your take on those things are?

This is such a good question. It originally asked for the top three things, but I’m finding the third a struggle, so here are the top two:

1. Joining a local theatre group when I was younger, and spending ten years going there every Saturday. Going somewhere where they gave you a script and if you read it out in a certain way people laughed with you, not at you?! What was there not to like? Theatre club put me in touch with other neurodivergent and queer kids, other misfits, and we palled around for years. It gave me an outlet for the writing I had started to do. Suddenly I could access loads of scripts, different types of people, and different social situations. It provided me with a safe space, free of judgement, where I could practice being a sociable human being. It gave me an identity when I felt unseen. Theatre club literally shaped me into the person I am today. One day I’ll write about it.

2. In terms of writing, I love the work of Victoria Wood and would say that she has had the most influence over me. I wanted to be a comedy writer, still kinda do. I would spend hours poring over all her scripts, watching her shows and analysing the rhythms that made something sound funny. Why did she use the word ‘Garibaldi’ when she could have just said biscuit? Why were brand names inherently funny? How could she capture the strange double-negative speech pattern a lot of us people from Lancashire have? Sentences like, ‘Well, it’s not unpleasant.’ I love the way we speak in our part of the world, and she was the person who represented it the most accurately, with so much humour. Having access to Victoria Wood’s material as a kid fuelled my hyperlexia. I wrote to her when I was about 14 and I still have her reply.

Hopefully that gives you a bit more of an idea about me and this newsletter. If you have any topic suggestions for future newsletters or any other feedback, please get in touch, I love hearing from readers.

Until next time, and wishing you a very happy holiday (not holibobs),

Ren

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