Thanks Phil for yet another well-written and well-reasoned tale post which particularly resonates with me because as a celebrant, I'm also in the truth business.
My role is to help families tell the truth about their loved ones, and that underpins the humanist attitude not only to ceremonies but to all of life. As I was taught, a celebrant has to be part detective, part lawyer, part journalist, part diplomat and we have to develop an instinct for ‘the elephant in the room’.
In funeral meetings, we have to listen carefully. not only to everything that is being said, but also to what’s not being said. A funeral is not a trial, so nobody is obliged to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and there are lots of things people would prefer not to mention; alcoholism, drug dependency, family breakdown, mental illness and more.
Shame is a powerful emotion, which is why when I sense that a subject is being avoided, I ask my clients to tell me what it is so I can find ways to talk about it – or not talk about it, as the case may be.
My role is not to pass judgement, editorialise or to give my opinion but to speak on behalf of my clients, which is why – unlike a journalist – I send them my script so they can change them.
As TS Eliot wrote, “Humankind cannot bear very much reality” and there is no doubt that euphemism can be helpful. I’ve lost count of the number of people who liked a drink more than it liked them, who were connoisseurs of exotic tobacco or who, by instinct and temperament, were essentially gentlemen of leisure.
On the other hand, I can still remember every single ceremony when the family felt able to be open about whatever the problem was, and those are the best ones of all.
Thanks Phil for yet another well-written and well-reasoned tale post which particularly resonates with me because as a celebrant, I'm also in the truth business.
My role is to help families tell the truth about their loved ones, and that underpins the humanist attitude not only to ceremonies but to all of life. As I was taught, a celebrant has to be part detective, part lawyer, part journalist, part diplomat and we have to develop an instinct for ‘the elephant in the room’.
In funeral meetings, we have to listen carefully. not only to everything that is being said, but also to what’s not being said. A funeral is not a trial, so nobody is obliged to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and there are lots of things people would prefer not to mention; alcoholism, drug dependency, family breakdown, mental illness and more. Shame is a powerful emotion, which is why when I sense that a subject is being avoided, I ask my clients to tell me what it is so I can find ways to talk about it – or not talk about it, as the case may be.
My role is not to pass judgement, editorialise or to give my opinion but to speak on behalf of my clients, which is why – unlike a journalist – I send them my script so they can change them. As TS Eliot wrote, “Humankind cannot bear very much reality” and there is no doubt that euphemism can be helpful. I’ve lost count of the number of people who liked a drink more than it liked them, who were connoisseurs of exotic tobacco or who, by instinct and temperament, were essentially gentlemen of leisure.
On the other hand, I can still remember every single ceremony when the family felt able to be open about whatever the problem was, and those are the best ones of all.