How to Take Care of Yourself (Part 2)
I started this Wednesday morning.
Hi Bestie!!
I know everything sucks really hard right now. Here is some advice from my very good friend and former boss: "Make it the best day you possibly can. There is no shortage of breathtaking stupidity and despair ahead. Don't ruin today by worrying about tomorrow. It's a beautiful day and we are alive to enjoy it." (What do you call a person who isn't in charge of your payroll, who became the person you hang out with at your best friend's wedding, but is too revered for a bestie? I need new words, not that I believe in levels of friendship. A best friend is a best friend.)
The text arrived as I crossed Seventh Avenue to pick up a breakfast order from Taco Bell Wednesday morning, so I was already on my way to making it the best day I could.
(As an aside, I ordered the Cinnabon iced coffee, because I heard it was aw-ful, and needed to see for myself. It was terrible! I loved it!)
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I do not think things will be OK. I am tired of fighting every single day for myself. I am not tired of fighting for you, so I guess we'll keep fighting. I am so used to saying, "It's fine!" when it's clearly not, and, "It will be OK" to make people feel better about the trash fire that is my own life (just smoldering embers now!). I am not interested in lying about this. A million people died from COVID. Many people have died because they were denied abortions. Things are going to suck more. I'm sorry about it. I hate it here.
I spent Wednesday morning bossing many of you around. So let's lean in to that. Think of me as that weird, wild aunt in New York. Your parents don't really understand but you think she's cool. ("She wears pants but she's not a lesbian. Whatever she's up to, it's better we don't know.")
Here is a checklist, start with the first two today:
- Get onto employer-sponsored health insurance if you're on the marketplace.
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Call your GP and make sure you're up to date on your vaccines.
You can reply to this email if you need clarification. I have no guidance for retirees.
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Reserve books from the library. Here are a few recommendations:
Be Ready When Luck Happens by Ina Garten
The Third Gilmore by Kelly Bishop
Anything by Kevin KwanReading Crazy Rich Asians or Sex and Vanity is like going to the swankiest party in your sluttiest (sorry, Mom) dress and getting the hottest gossip all night with no repercussions. Everything I know about Capri I learned from Sex and Vanity.
- Get yourself a Dr. Pepper. Or a Diet Coke and a cigarette, I'm not judging.
- Buy some merch. Get that Nanalan doll. Get the American Football butter tee.
- Turn on the lava lamp. (I have one at work which is a totally normal thing to buy during lunch from Five Below.)
- Buy shit. Get the Charlotte Stone sneakers that dropped from $212 to $118. (Gotta look good when you march.) I'm finally buying the American Football merch that wasn't at the show a few weeks ago.
- Take a look at your resume and LinkedIn. Are they up-to-date? Do they accurately describe all the work you do for your employer? Are you connected digitally on LinkedIn to everyone you know? Have your act together by the end of the month.
- Wash the dishes in your sink and clean your sink. Sort the clothes on your floor and on your furniture: put away what's clean and throw what's dirty in the hamper. Take out the trash and recycling. Wash your water bottle and its lid and refill with fresh water.
- Clean your glasses. Wipe the lenses and clean the frames. They sit on your face! Clean your hairbrush, too.
- Wipe the sink in your bathroom and sanitize the door knobs in your apartment.
- Download Tetris. (Nintendo has a new version, too.)
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I spent most of my life attributing my stubbornness to my dad's side of the family. Everyone can agree that the Irish can hold a grudge like nobody's business. LaVonne tried very, very hard to raise three loving, considerate daughters capable of listening and forgiving. Some of the Hills would cut their nose to spite their face. They died noseless without apology.
Unfortunately, I love holding a grudge. It's like a weighted blanket. Are your hands full? I can hold on to a few of yours! It would be my pleasure.
I also forgive the wrong people. Some people deserve boundaries, but I take a nap in the bike lane and invite them to run me over repeatedly. It's something I've been trying to figure out. How do you hold compassion for others while taking care of yourself? How do you accept that it's not a weakness to care about people? It takes strength to be patient and kind but it's also so uncool.
In my 30s, I realized that the other side of the family can hold a grudge, too. My grandmother held righteous grudges. My other grandmother could, too. I think people remember their other qualities instead: how well they dressed, how kind they were, how free they were with their love and kindness, how open they were to friendship, their top-tier conversational skills, their sense of adventure. Maybe I should find relief that no one says, "She never dined with racists," since I assume everyone will say, "She was always threatening to fight her enemies in the bike lane. She was always yelling."
These things are left out of their obituaries. My grandmother would remind me that I'm a sweet girl, and she loves me. My other grandmother would remind me that I'm strong and brave. No one sees you and cherishes your finer qualities like a grandparent or great-aunt can.
Fortunately, I am too stubborn to die. I inherited it from three lineages. I don't have a plan right now, but I'm available. I'm exhausted but ready. I have supportive footwear, a loud voice, and a lot of snacks.
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Always your friend,
Katherine