Postcard 046 - A Return
I was here a year ago, a different person.
I felt anchored, but was adrift. I felt confident enough in being here, but was weighed down by imposter syndrome. Last year’s talk was carved from stone, slowly worn down over time.
Today I know I’m unanchored, excited about the possibilities. I’ve acknowledged that what I’ll share may not be for everyone, but I see each talk as a tuning fork — an idea in search of people with which it resonates. And this year’s talk erupted from me in a three week span.
I’ve found that rituals often have their own rhythm. These rhythms create opportunities for reflection. If nothing else, doing something for the Nth time gives you a chance to think about N-1 (and N-2, etc).
In this case, I’m giving a talk at an event where the guests are leaders from a range of tech companies connected to a venture fund. It’s an overnight event with a dinner and then day full of invited talks. This is my second time here.
My talk is “about” research, but it’s really about leverage. Too often we think about the highest leverage thing to do as a company and too rarely we think about the highest leverage ways to contribute. As someone who has research in my title but rarely contributes research, I have strong feelings about this.
But being back here, at this hotel for this event isn’t making me think about research or leverage. It’s making me think about who I was a year ago, the last time I was here, standing in front of an invited audience giving a talk.
The person I was, the ways I wanted to be seen, and what I was trying to prove (to myself, to the audience, to the world?) have all changed so much. I move differently, I talk differently, and I care about different things.
I’m both grateful for that growth and for this event to invite that reflection.