“Okay, guys. Guys. Guys. Listen! Listen. Jürgen has taken the Germany job, okay? They could have asked me — they could have asked me! — but that’s okay. That’s fine. I was at Bayern for three years, three years of my life, but I get it. I like him. He’s a good man. But they could have asked me.”

“Who’s that tickling my scalp?” A voice boomed. The rock shifted beneath everyone’s feet.

“See, guys? Guys. If you are to play football for me, you need to know what you’ll need to do when the 18 meter tall head of Abraham Lincoln animates beneath your feet.”

“What do we do, Mister?”

“First — and you’ll hate me for this — but we’re going to need to overload the middle with the fullbacks …”