"clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose"
on football and liberation
hey y’all,
i’ve been greatly enjoying false fall, and am saddened by the climbing temperatures. if you’re not familiar, it’s this blissful period in late august/early september in north carolina when the air turns crispy, the humidity wanes every so slightly, and the leaves do actually start to turn a little bit brown. it’s always short-lived, and is followed by the last vestiges of summer heat until we crest into the shortest autumn, maybe ever (usually lasting only 3 weeks on october).
maybe that’s why i’ve always loved fall. it’s so fleeting, and we tend to love the things we are forced to savor. it’ll be my birthday month soon, and mine and my husband’s first marriage anniversary. we’ll be leaf peeping and lighthouse wandering in just 5 weeks, and i cannot wait. i start to return to myself when summer ends. i’m approaching the mid-way point of my second intermediate pottery class, and my last piece from the previous session should be out of the kiln any day now. i’m excited to do an update.
i’ve also been enjoying a friday morning coffee ritual at omie’s lately. they have my perfect beverage on the menu right now: a cold brew with chocolate milk from homeland creamery. their cold brew has no competition in the triangle area, and local creameries have a special place in my heart. i think about this drink all week long.
i also look forward to football all week long, and in fact, all year long. that’s the other thing i love about fall. i’ve been a football fan since toddlerhood. when i was in marching band, i lived for those balmy summer evenings creeping along into crisp autumn nights with the diffused stadium lights washing over the turf.
no doubt, i got my love of the game from my dad. a lot of early childhood memories with him are on the couch watching patriots games. in another life, i would’ve tried to go the distance and be a football coach. i’m nothing if not a dreamer. we both marvel at the incredible feats of humanity on display every week. it’s a bit absurdist, that millions of people all over the world tune in to watch people play a game. it’s so important, and it doesn’t matter at all.
cam little recently made a 70-yard field goal. he kicked a ball through two poles from 70 yards away. the types of runs and catches these guys do is unfathomable. in no other sport do you witness the impossible quite like in football. due to present circumstances, i’ve been thinking a lot about what football has to do with liberation.
the national football league, as an entity, does preserve the status quo and uphold white supremacy. that’s always been true, just ask colin kaepernick. in case you don’t remember, he was the incredibly talented quarterback for the san francisco 49ers. in 2016, he chose to use his visibility and status to kneel in protest of police brutality on Black men. specifically, on the murders of Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Charles Kinsey, and Freddie Gray.
he lost his job.
while many people are, rightfully, waking up to the reality of fascism in the U.S., many of us have been fighting it for years. kaepernick lost his job for exercising his right to protest 9 years ago. to the average american, kaepernick virtually disappeared from our cultural awareness. to me, and many other anti-fascist organizers, he’s a movement hero. since his excommunication from the NFL, he has gone on to continue his pursuit for civil rights.
he has started a publishing house to write children’s books about oppression. he has fought racist marketing in the sports world (looking at you, nike). he has collaborated with and donated to nonprofits doing the work on the ground, and he’s still showing up for justice today.
Demartravion “Trey” Reed, a 21-year-old Black man, was found hanging from a tree with broken limbs on delta state university's campus. the state medical examiner ruled his death a suicide, but the public and his family have doubts. kaepernick’s “know your rights camp autopsy initiative” will pay for an independent autopsy of Trey’s body to support his family in finding answers and seeking justice.
while the administration demands we mourn the death of a man who dedicated his life to oppression, another young Black man in the south had his life stolen from him. while the NFL holds moments of silence for kirk, kaepernick has put himself at risk again in pursuit of justice. he does so without any expectation of gratitude or acknowledgement. he’s also a man of devout christian faith.
and that is what i have been sitting with the most recently, the concept of faith. something you’ll notice in the football world is the saturation of christianity across every level of the league. this is, at times, irritating to me as someone with religious trauma from the christian church. not to mention the role christianity plays in colonization and white supremacy.
when i left the church in 2011, i had largely abandoned the concept of faith. i’m a scholar, so peer reviewed evidence is the cross i choose to bear. i believe nothing without evidence. now, i’m not an ivory tower. evidence, to me, can also mean ancestral teachings, patterns in nature, letters between lovers in generations long past. i’m not looking for a panel of credentialed white men to validate my truths. i am, however, looking for proof.
this football season, i’ve realized that’s why i feel so lost lately. the reality is, there is no proof that colonization and white supremacy will come to an end. there is no proof that we will change course and prevent climate disaster. there is no proof that we will end the attempts to eradicate entire groups of people. there is no proof that trans people will be equal members of society in my lifetime. there is no proof that the ruling class will capitulate to the masses and redistribute wealth.
i’m using kaepernick as an example because he’s a known entity. he’s a highly visible millionaire, with more power and access than i have. he played the highest paid position, on a super bowl contending team, in one of the most progressive cities in the country. we all learned with him the true costs of holding that position. the golden handcuffs are real, and intentional. kaepernick broke them because he believes, fiercely, in justice and he has faith that it can be achieved.
football teaches me every week that the impossible is possible. it teaches me that having faith is essential to victory. that’s why the whole country is elated to see the lions doing well. it’s why we love to watch the chiefs lose to an underdog team. the bodily freedom and unfathomable achievement of sport exists with or without the NFL.
clear eyes, full hearts. if we stay focused, believe fully, and do the best we can, even under impossible circumstances, we will win. we can’t lose.
xoxo,
kuya von
i showed you my gooey center, please respond 👉👈
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