💰 The Freshest Deals on the Block

Spotted: The AI infrastructure gold rush just hit a new peak. UK-based Nscale just raised a staggering $2 billion Series C at a $14.6 billion valuation — yes, billion with a B — led by Aker ASA and 8090 Industries, with Nvidia (of course) joining the party. Citadel, Dell, Jane Street, Lenovo, and Point72 also piled in. But here's the truly juicy part: they're adding Sheryl Sandberg (ex-Meta COO), Nick Clegg (ex-UK deputy PM), and Susan Decker (ex-Yahoo President) to the board. Sources say Nscale is eyeing an IPO and already has a $14 billion partnership with Microsoft. The AI boom is "leading to the largest infrastructure buildout in human history," says CEO Josh Payne. You didn't hear it from me, but when Nvidia, Microsoft, AND Sheryl Sandberg all want in... you're not just building a company, you're building an empire. Read more on CNBC

Word on the street: $14.6B valuations are the new $1B. Inflation is real, darling.

Spotted: British manufacturing is having a moment — and it's wearing AI. London-based Isembard just secured $50 million in Series A funding led by Union Square Ventures (yes, that USV) with Tamarack Global and IQ Capital joining. Less than a year after their $9M seed, they're planning to open 25 smart factories by end of 2026. Their secret sauce? MasonOS — an AI system that streamlines everything from quoting to quality control. They're targeting aerospace, defence, energy and robotics while reshoring manufacturing to the West. You didn't hear it from me, but when USV bets on industrial tech, they're usually seeing something the rest of us miss. Read more on The Engineer

Word on the street: Manufacturing is the new SaaS. Who knew?

Sources say Nominal, the software startup helping defense, space, energy, and automotive companies test their manufacturing processes, just hit unicorn status with an $80 million Series B extension led by Founders Fund. The company is now valued at $1 billion — because apparently, making sure rockets don't explode is worth a lot of money. Read more on TechCrunch

Spotted: The robots are coming for... IVF? Conceivable just raised $50 million in Series A funding for their robotic IVF technology. Because when you're desperate for a baby, you want a robot handling the delicate parts. Jokes aside, fertility tech is having a major moment as demographic trends shift. Read more on The Engineer

Word on the street: Augur just raised $15 million in seed funding led by Plural (the European fund co-founded by Wise and Skype founders) to turn existing surveillance infrastructure into real-time intelligence. The founders are Palantir alumni with nearly two decades of European government and defense experience. In a world where critical infrastructure security is suddenly very fashionable, Plural is betting on founders who know where the bodies are buried. Read more on The Next Web

Spotted: Palmer Luckey (yes, the Oculus guy turned defense tech billionaire at Anduril) is reportedly seeking a $1 billion valuation for his vintage gaming startup ModRetro. The Chromatic handheld — basically a premium Game Boy — has the tech world divided. The Verge called it "the best version of the Game Boy ever made," but others can't separate the product from Luckey's controversial reputation. You didn't hear it from me, but when you've already built one billion-dollar company, investors assume you can do it again... even in retro gaming. Read more on TechCrunch

📊 The Macro Tea: Fund Flows

Darlings, the big funds just keep getting bigger. Oak HC/FT has raised just under $2 billion for their latest healthcare and fintech fund — roughly matching their 2022 predecessor. The twist? About 30% will go to early-stage companies (up from 20%), and they're doubling down on AI-infused startups. When healthcare and fintech meet AI, apparently wallets open. Read more on WSJ

💬 What the VCs Are Saying

The CEO of Prompt Security just sold his company and dropped a viral thread with the kind of blunt advice every founder needs: "Just sold my company. Stepping away from VC for a bit. Here's the early-stage fundraising playbook."

His 14-point manifesto includes gems like: "Raise only when it's obvious you're ready," "Ignore associates chasing you — if they want in, the partner will show up," "Seed rounds should close in 2-3 weeks," and the brutal "48h silence = dead."

But the real kicker? "Skip pre-seed. Skip accelerators. Be confident and direct, never a douchebag." Read the full thread

Spotted: When a founder who's actually exited tells you to skip accelerators, maybe listen.

The Ethereum researcher at Arbitrum & Lemniscap dropped some hard truths for crypto (and all) founders: "We are in one of the strangest crypto bear markets and one of the hardest times for founders to raise from VCs."

His survival guide: "CEO's Number 1 job is to build relationships with investors year-round, especially when not fundraising," "VC is a mesh network and they gossip constantly," "Avoid lingering rounds that drag on for months; smaller rounds are better than lingering."

And the mic drop: "They want to bet on 100x, not 10x. Never show doubt, even if you can 'trust' them, they want any reason to say no and protect their LPs." Read the full post

The Research Lead at Odin delivered a thesis that's making the rounds: "Historically, public markets have been venture capital's main customer, and ringing the bell at an IPO remains the crowning moment of any investment — though it happens far less often."

His analysis is brutal: "Many of today's venture capitalists have never experienced a healthy relationship with public markets. Nor do they appreciate what public markets want from a company. Seeing sheer size as the primary dimension of success, VCs have attempted to scale companies into attractive IPO candidates. In doing so, they have compromised other dimensions which are equally valuable, such as governance, competitive position and economics."

The conclusion? "Not only are VCs missing out on great exits, but we are all missing out on the glorious second act of venture-backed success stories, post IPO. This must be corrected." Read the full thread

Word on the street: When VCs forget how to IPO, everyone loses.

The VC at BlumeVentures shared insights from Dan Gray's podcast that every emerging manager needs to hear: "LPs making fewer commitments, but when they commit, have a larger share of the fund (fund sizes have got smaller); net net fewer LPs per fund but each matters more."

The power law is real: "Top 1-10% of the funds chugging along, raising at will; rest struggling." And the geography shift? "Bay Area's network effects have hit saturation. Beginning to see venture funds from outside SF/BA outperform. Likely to see newer hubs emerge."

But perhaps most sobering: "In the '70s-90s, companies were going IPO in 2-4 yrs... Today, 12-15 year hold periods are not uncommon for early stage. That means an LP might back five consecutive funds from the same manager before seeing a single dollar back." Read the full post

The Lumida founder dropped some vintage-year truth bombs: "What's the worst vintage in private credit? 2021. What's the worst vintage in venture capital? 2021. What was the worst time to buy stocks? 2021. What was the worst IPO season? 2021. Was there a common root cause? Yes, trillion in stimulus checks and QE."

His 2025 prediction? "The 2025 vintage in venture capital I also expect will be weak... Take a look at OpenAI, Databricks, etc. and seed stage startups at $100 MM valuations." Read the full post

Spotted: When every asset class crashes in the same year, maybe blame the money printer.

🔬 The Bigger Picture

Until next time, Upper East Siders...

You know you love me,
XOXO - Gossip Girl 💋

P.S. — From $2B mega-rounds to founder playbooks that actually work, this is the tea you didn't see coming. Check back tomorrow for fresh gossip. 👀