To live with ADHD is to live with the fact that your brain is going to gaslight you for the rest of your life.

I recently moved into a new apartment and have been settling in nicely. It's the first time I'm living alone, which means I get to put things exactly where I want them to go based on what feels intuitive to me.

One symptom of my ADHD is putting something in a place that feels almost impossible for me to forget, only to ultimately misplace that something and spiral about it for hours.

Enter: my lost stamps.

Misplacing these stamps was devastating for a number of reasons.

First, I hate going to the post office. It is probably my most dreaded adult task (after pap smears) and I try to avoid it if I can. However, when I do eventually have to drag myself there for whatever reason, I always make a point to purchase stamps — knowing I will eventually need them but would never want to go to the post office solely to purchase them.

Second, I decided to get ahead on tax prep for the first time in my adult life and realized I needed to mail in a form (which requires a stamp). I was so pleased with myself because I had purchased a new roll of stamps last month after mailing a Christmas present three weeks late. I was ready to take care of this form immediately.

My storage place for these stamps seemed fool-proof when I first put them there. They were in the mail holder in my doorway where I keep all the letters I receive that I leave unopened for months.

I walked over to get my much-needed stamp when I realized... the stamps weren't there.

Huh???

I typically see these stamps at least once a day. And now they're just gone?

I tried to think back...

I didn't remember putting a stamp on anything else, which is the only reason I'd move the stamps. I'm the only person who could move the stamps, unless there's a postman ghost living in my apartment.

I emptied out the letter holder. Nothing.

I emptied out my purse. Nothing.

I checked my desk. Nothing.

I was on all fours, checking the floors. Nothing.

I emptied out the box I keep all my stationary in. Nothing.

I checked my purse and the letter holder again, just in case.

Nothing.

Thirty minutes went by when I started cussing under my breath and talking to my cat.

"Kitty, am I losing it??? Where did the stamps go?!"

Another symptom of my ADHD is hyper-fixation. It had been almost an hour before I could physically stop myself from obsessing over finding these missing stamps — at least long enough to start dinner and think about writing this newsletter.

A productive night of prepping my tax forms was completely derailed, and it ended with me questioning my entire reality.

I have a tendency to beat myself up when things like this happen. I don't understand why I can't just remember and stay on top of things.

I started writing this newsletter as a way of showing myself some compassion and forcing myself to get some perspective. Last year, I was having a mental breakdown a few days before the tax deadline because I hadn't figured it all out yet. This year, I'm almost ready to hand everything over to my accountant months in advance, and I ... simply lost some stamps in the process.

It's easy to focus on the little things that aren't working or perfect. Just try not to let them distract you from the bigger picture — your progress.

I have to mail a package tomorrow, so I will be purchasing a new set of stamps. There's an 80% chance I will find the missing stamps shortly after replacing them. Such is life!

Peace, love and workflows,

Andrea