Photo by Rodion Kutsaiev on Unsplash

I used to do the whole resolution song and dance. Year after year, I’d find myself ‘failing’ my efforts to be better, smarter, kinder, thinner, healthier, more creative, or any of the other overwhelming goals I’d set for myself come January.

So I stopped. I stopped setting resolutions. Stopped trying to ‘kid myself,’ thinking I would somehow be a better version of me just because Planet Fitness was having a New Year discount.

I began to resent the whole new year, new me phenomenon, especially as it became less about evolution and growth, more about all the things I needed to buy in order to fix myself.

I do find it helpful to reflect on the previous year, even to set an intention for the year ahead. I believe there are ways to honor my past and apply its learnings to the future without feeling the pressure of new year productivity and perfection. To create a ritual that feels spacious, compassionate, and intentional. (Ironically, my word for this year is RITUAL.)

January is naturally one of the least productive months of the year.

It’s cold. Dark. We’re coming off of a 3-month sprint to the ‘finish line’ of the year before. Distractions are limitless as we are bombarded with messages from productivity ‘experts,’ diet culture, and retail stores. A lot of us are expected to create a plan for the year ahead, or at least the quarter.

Despite all of this, many of us feel like we have to hit the ground running at the stroke of midnight. I felt that pressure this year… “I have to do this reflection practice before January 1st or it’ll never get done!”

But there is no real deadline for new year intentions or resolutions.

It’s nice to feel like there’s a reset button at the top of the year; I’ve also found it’s conducive for community accountability as we collectively dream of what’s to come and work toward our goals together. Already this year, I’ve joined a Tuesday writing group with some friends, and another group for monthly budgeting.

However, one of the things I hate most about resolutions is that they feel so, well, resolute. Permanent. Inflexible. Mandated.

At New Year’s brunch the other week, one of my friends said exasperatedly, to no one in particular, “My resolution will start tomorrow!” before taking a huge bite of the yummy french toast in front of her.

Resolutions can feel a lot like miserable obligations when you’re not in the headspace to make a change, or when that change isn’t considered mindfully.

I read an article recently that outlines stages of lasting change:

According to the Transtheoretical Model of Change, self-growth and lasting change happen in these five stages:

1. Pre-contemplation - You don't think you need to change.

2. Contemplation - You recognize the potential consequences of not changing, but aren't fully committed to making a change yet.

3. Preparation - You create a plan to change.

4. Action - The strategies you created get put into place.

5. Maintenance - You monitor your progress and plan ahead for possible pitfalls.

(While this method was originally applied to substance abuse, it’s also been used in reference to other types of behavioral changes by mental health professionals.)

January can come at you quickly, and it’s okay if you’re not quite ready to take action yet. Maybe you need to spend some extra time in the contemplation or preparation stage first.

Here are some other reminders about resolutions that may give you some solace:

Resolutions can be FUN and RESTFUL and LIBERATING

For whatever reason, my knee-jerk reaction is to pick the most rigid, soul-sucking, stereotypical, and sometimes harmful resolutions possible.

Instead of…

• I’m going to lose 10 pounds.

• I’m going to give up sweets.

• I’m going to start running every day for no reason in particular.

• I’m going to start waking up earlier so I can be more productive.

How about a more exploratory option…

• I’m going to reflect on why I feel like I need to lose weight in my next therapy session.

• I’m going to go to a new local shop every other week for a special treat instead of keeping a bunch of sweets in the house.

• I’m going to try different types of movement each week to see what kind of exercise is most enjoyable for me.

• I’m going to experiment with a new morning ritual that makes me excited (or at least more pleased) to wake up in the morning.

Resolutions can be TEMPORARY

Life is chaotic and unpredictable.

Over the last few months, I’ve felt a growing desire to learn to draw. It’s felt daunting. I’ve been interested in drawing since I was a little girl but never felt like I was “good enough” to actually do it consistently.

As the new year approached, I began to get overwhelmed by the idea of creating a drawing practice for myself. That’s when a friend recommended WendyMac’s 30-day drawing challenge.

For $6, I’m getting access to 30 days worth of drawing prompts so I can practice and see if it’s something I want to continue investing time into. Instead of approaching this new hobby as a 2024-long commitment, I can just set a short-term goal of 30 days to see how it feels.

New Year’s resolutions are not required

You can grow and change any time of year. There is no magic fairy dust that hits us when we open our eyes on January 1st… it’s a process that happens over a lifetime.

I’m still considering my short and long-term goals for this year, and will probably be in an internal dialogue about it for weeks to come. Trust yourself to find the right time to invest in your growth spaces, at your own pace, in your own way. There’s no rush.

Peace, love and f*ck Planet Fitness 😘,

Andrea