Directness: A fast introduction of a new PC or player?

This is always a question in OSR games. How do you introduce a new character in a seamless and immersive way when the expectation is that at least one person is having his curtains measured, about six feet by two, every session?

The answer is always Ned.

Ten convenient places we found Ned

1. Ned Was Here All Along

“Who's that?”
“Ned.”
“What Ned?”
“Old Ned. He's been at the back of the party since the village.”

Further questions are discouraged.

2. Ned in Chains

The last goblin falls. Chained to the wall behind it is a surprisingly well-equipped adventurer.
“Name's Ned. Now stop gawping and get these bloody chains off me.”

3. Ned at the Crossroads

At the junction ahead stands a solitary figure leaning upon a staff.
“Greetings, travellers. I'm Ned.”
“Where are you going?”
“Wherever you're going, apparently.”

4. Last Ned Standing

You discover another adventuring party. Unfortunately, they're all dead.
Except one.
“Terrible business. I'm Ned, by the way. You recruiting?”

5. Ned Gets Promoted

“Remember Ned, the torchbearer?”
“Not really.”
“Well, everyone else is dead, so Ned's a fighter now.”
Ned puts down the lantern and picks up the dead PC's sword.

6. Ned Behind the Door

The party opens an unexplored dungeon door.
Ned is standing on the other side.
“Thank goodness. I've been trying to get through this door for ages. Don’t mind if I tag along?”
Ned won’t talk about how he got there.

7. Ned to the Rescue

“When you didn't return, the villagers sent a rescue party.”
“Where are the others?”
Ned looks solemnly into the middle distance.
“It's been a difficult morning.”

8. Ned, Friend of the Deceased

Ned approaches the party.
“I'm looking for my oldest friend, Throgar.”
Everyone looks at Throgar's corpse.
Ned sighs.
“Right. Let’s get the bastard wot did this?”

9. Ned the Rival Adventurer

The party discovers someone has been following them through the dungeon.
“I was going to nick the treasure while you were fighting the ogre,” admits Ned. “But seeing as you've just lost a man, perhaps we can come to an arrangement?”

10. Another Bloody Ned

Throgar plunges screaming into the bottomless pit.
The GM turns to Throgar's player.
“What are you playing next?”
“Fighter.”
“Name?”
Everyone at the table, simultaneously: “NED!”

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