LTAFS: Consent, Boundaries, and Other forms of Communication – Part 2
While we are primarily going to discuss what positive and enthusiastic consent looks like today, I am aware this can be a difficult topic for some who might have interest in the rest of the information. So, putting a little space here, so nothing shows up in the email preview.
Also, this will be in the resource page as well, but: RAINN has resources and info to discuss sexual assault, and assisting loved ones who have experienced it, as well as links for those outside the US: The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7: Telephone: 800.656.HOPE (4673) Online chat: online.rainn.org Español: rainn.org/es
When it comes to sexual activity, it’s worth noting that in the US several states have enacted affirmative consent laws. Of course, just as fictional characters can speed or smoke, well, it’s up to you if that factors into your story.
It’s also worth considering that if your character is keeping a secret that would affect another character(s) willingness to participate, that is in some ways a violation of consent.
Now, I’ll use this metaphor again, but just as when writing about a character getting into a car you generally don’t detail every step, some of the specifics about consent, particularly in regards to sexual behavior may get glossed over.
There are still lots of ways to demonstrate that the point of view character is regularly checking that their partner(s) are happy and fully engaged.
Does this mean, I hear fictional Author A asking, that no one in fiction can ever have bad sex? No! It doesn’t. But again, if you are writing bad sex, I want that to be authorial choice and accident.
And consider, that bad sex doesn’t have to be a result of bad consent, it could just be failure to fully communicate.
To use another metaphor, I have a cat. My cat does not speak English. My cat is very able to indicate to me when she feels I should be petting her, when she feels I should stop, and when I am not petting the right spot, over to the left please.
She does all of this non-verbally. And when I get swiped because I did the wrong thing it is often through my own divided attention or carelessness. She communicated correctly.
But it also means that I have to make it up to her.
So yes, your characters may have an off day, or an experience where things don’t entirely match their expectations. But again, if your authorial intention is to show a growing relationship where they work on and address missteps, then this is part of that too.
US States with affirmative consent laws: http://affirmativeconsent.com/affirmative-consent-laws-state-by-state/
RAINN’s Consent Definition: https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent
RAINN has resources and info to discuss sexual assault, and assisting loved ones who have experienced it, as well as links for those outside the US: The National Sexual Assault Hotline is available 24/7: Telephone: 800.656.HOPE (4673) Online chat: online.rainn.org Español: rainn.org/es