World of Metropolis #2 (September 1988)
World of Metropolis #2 (September 1988)
OK, this issue is fucked up. Short version: Lex Luthor has a nude tape of a 15-year old Lois Lane and he… “enjoys” it. First Superman and Barda and now Lois. Why this need to add porno tapes of beloved characters to Superman comics, John Byrne?
Long version: The comic starts with a regular day for present-day Lois Lane as she charges into a burning building to rescue her sister Lucy’s dog. After the routine Superman rescue, Lucy goes stay at Lois’ apartment for the night (since her own is now a pile of ashes) and they have a pizza party. At this point they reminisce about the time Luthor saw Lois’ boobs.
INITIATE FLASHBACK: When Lois was 15 and Lucy was a little girl, they went to Metropolis to see a movie but Lois thought it would be more fun to go to the Daily Planet offices and stalk her idol, Perry White. We saw last issue that Lois met Perry when she was just eight years old, but evidently she didn’t make enough of an impression.
Lois desperately wants to get hired at the Daily Planet, but Perry has a strict policy of only hiring underage people if they wear bowties and are super annoying (more about that in a couple of issues). Luckily, Lois overhears some reporters talking about finding some dirt on Lex Luthor to impress Perry – a solid strategy, since as we also saw last issue, Lex slept with Perry’s wife.
So, Lois decides to do just that: no, not sleep with Perry’s wife, but sneak into the LexCorp building and steal some incriminating documents. Climbing into an unattended scaffold, Lois jumps into Lex’s office, grabs some papers from his desk and just runs like hell while everyone, including Lex, chases her. Obviously she’s caught right away, and Lex has a burly security woman “shred her clothes” in another room to make sure Lois isn’t hiding any incriminating documents.
And then this happens:
Yep, Lex strikes young Lois’ ass with a cane while some lingerie models watch. Oh, but that’s not the creepy part yet. After Lois leaves (revealing she did stash a piece of paper in her mouth), Lex comments that he’d like to further pursue her when she’s older… but in the meantime, he can “content himself” with the tape of Lois being violently strip searched.
Again, she’s 15. Lex Luthor is a child pornographer. This sort of brings his future relationship with Supergirl (which I mentioned the other day) into a new light.
Anyway, that random piece of paper Lois found on top of Lex’s desk did get her a job at the Daily Planet, improbably, and the rest is history. Then we’re back to the present, where Lois and a surprisingly flippant Lucy (considering her whole life just went up in flames) comment that Lex once sent a copy of the nudie tape to Lois, and that she’s pretty sure he’s still making himself “reasonably content” with the original. (Yes, I’m assuming that every instance of “content” in this issue means “furiously masturbating”). The creepy cherry on top of this sundae of wrongness is that Lois says she’ll always be reminded of that experience when she watches women’s wrestling. Lane girls have a weird way of coping with shit, I guess.
WTF-Watch:
Wasn’t… wasn’t Lois sort of dating (or at least considering to date) Luthor during the Man of Steel miniseries, before he became obsessed with killing Superman? Why would she go out even once with a guy who did that to her? It’s the sexy red hair he still had back then, right? That would also explain Supergirl, since by the time they hook up he’ll have regained it in abundance.
See comments on Tumblr: https://superman86to99.tumblr.com/post/70717484578/world-of-metropolis-2-september-1988-ok-this#disqus_thread
Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!
This newsletter is free and always will be, but if you'd like to support us with $1 a month or more, you'll get access to extra articles about non-continuity '90s Superman stuff (shows, video games, Elseworlds, etc) and cool giveaways. Click here to become a paid supporter!