Superman #3 (March 1987)

Legends crossover! In the middle of the latest superheroic crisis, Superman gets hit by some mysterious laser beams and finds himself transported to the planet Apokolips, a.k.a. the butthole of the universe. However, Apokolips’ ruler Darkseid (you know, this guy) is completely baffled by the fact that instead of the mighty Superman, his teleporting-rays brought some random jackass called Clark Kent…

…so he tosses Clark into the Armagetto (like a ghetto, but… in space!), which is inhabited by a race of aggressive bums and beggars (bums and beggars… in space!) known as the Hunger Dogs. They rush Clark and steal all of his clothes, leaving him in the bright blue pajamas he wears underneath. Pretty embarrassing for him.

Superman lays low among the bums in the Armagetto for a while, until he sees Darkseid’s soldiers about to throw a beautiful bum-lady into a pit of fire for spreading subversive propaganda. Superman wonders what he should do in this situation for a couple of seconds before remembering that, oh right, he’s Superman.

So he steps in to confront the soldiers, causing them to instantly forget about the woman and allow her escape (while thinking about how “magnificent” this muscular stranger is). Unfortunately the soldiers don’t forget Superman himself so easily and summon a big red robot called the Pacifier to stomp him. After fighting the Pacifier for a while, Superman tears it open – only to find a freaky psychic lizard inside. The lizard latches on to Superman and causes him to fall into the fire pit, which is so hot, it might even melt invulnerable Kryptonians. The last thing we see is Darkseid laughing his rocky ass off at this sight.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Side note: The art in this issue is fantastic. That’s probably because there’s dirt and rubble everywhere, and John Byrne can draw the shit out of dirt and rubble. Seriously, that’s some top notch rubble there.

Plotline-Watch:

• This story was a tie-in with the Legends crossover series that DC was publishing at the time, in which Darkseid systematically undermines the self-esteem of Earth’s heroes in preparation for an invasion, but you didn’t need to read that comic to understand what’s going on here (mostly). This was also the first crossover between the three Superman titles (which mostly had their own storylines), so we’ll see what happens next when I tackle the new Adventures issue.

• Before the “Clark Kent gets zapped into another world” sequence, the issue starts with Lois Lane interviewing G. Gordon Godfrey, a TV psychologist running an anti-superhero campaign in Legends. Say, he looks an awful lot like one of the Darkseid lackeys seen when Superman is recapping Apokolips’ history for the reader, only that guy is chubbier…

• That recap leads to Superman mentioning that New Genesis, Apokolips’ nicer neighbor planet, is currently a bunch of asteroids. This is a reference to the events of Jack Kirby’s The Hunger Dogs graphic novel, released two years before this issue (more on that in Don Sparrow’s section below).

• Oh yeah, the Phantom Stranger appears in this issue. The Legends series shows him having a philosophical debate with Darkseid and he’s still there in this issue, neglecting to save poor Clark Kent from being thrown through a window -- because, as seen the previous week in Action #585, the Stranger knows Clark is Superman. I kinda wonder if that team-up happened just to establish that.

• I also wonder if the psychic lizard inside the Pacifier (the space bums call it a “glommer”) is related to Sleez, another Darkseid lackey we’ll have the misfortune of meeting in the near future. Sleez also looks reptilian and has psychic powers, though he uses them for something way more disturbing than forcing Superman to jump into a fire.

WTF-Watch:

It’s kind of hilarious that Darkseid, a cosmic deity, was thoroughly fooled by Clark Kent’s ridiculous disguise. “But he has glasses! I ordered a man without glasses! Away with you!” I can’t remember if it’s later revealed that Darkseid was just pretending to be dumb for the benefit of the Phantom Stranger, but it’s pretty silly anyway.

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We start with the cover, which is an all-time classic.  When I was reading this at age 7, of course I felt disappointed that this scene doesn’t literally happen—Darkseid doesn’t become so enormous that he can lift Superman like a toy, nor does Superman get shrunk down or anything.  But as an adult I love the risk of a symbolic cover, which in its own way does tell the story—Darkseid all-powerful on Apokolips, toying with Superman.

Inside the issue we start with a unique floor angle of the Metropolis Grande Hotel, looking at Lois Lane in what I imagine was high fashion in 1987.  Byrne tends to draw her as quite stern at times, matching how harsh he makes her personality, so between the hair and the scowl, Lois is looking about 15 years older than I imagine her.

As the story kicks into high gear, we have a pretty great splash page on page three, which despite its lack of superheroics is quite energetic. And again, with the sweater and patterned wool coat, Clark Kent is looking pretty 1987 fashion plate. While the pattern on Clark’s overcoat does indeed appear to be a zip-a-tone overlay rather than drawing each line, Byrne, to his credit, uses the patterns in proper directions, differentiating sleeves from the lapels, etc.

I absolutely love how Byrne draws the geometric path of the Omega Beams as they zig and zag through the crowded Metropolis sidewalks.  I’m a bit confused as to how he was able to dodge them briefly, in order to showcase that they don’t harm his coat, but Byrne was never one to waste a contrivance to help explain the plot.  The beams hitting Clark is a great, silent image.

Upon jump-cut teleportation to Apokolips, we’re greeted by an all-time classic pose of Darkseid by Byrne, and Darkseid is one of a few characters (Martian Manhunter for one) that Byrne absolutely owns.   There’s just no one I can think of who draws him better.  Almost immediately we get another example of the “Byrne hold,” that signature neck lift that pops up in so many of his stories to show dominance over a character.  As this plays out, Byrne’s Clark Kent looks particularly Christopher Reeve-y to me, and Byrne also establishes a trope he comes back to time and again, which is that creatures move quicker than expected on Apokolips.  

The “lowlies” are drawn as grimy and lean as they should be, and there’s something hilarious but sad about the one who grabs Clark’s glasses, overjoyed that they make the ugliness of Apokolips a little blurrier (though, I thought they weren’t a real prescription?).  The patient look of Superman tossing the rabble off of him is a great moment, especially showcasing the contrast of colour.

I know I gush too lengthily about these Byrne issues, but the quick catch-up he gives us on the entire history of the New Gods is pretty stunning, and I like the Easter egg inclusion of Glorious Godfrey in the two shot of Highfather and Darkseid’s profiles.

We get a good look at Byrne’s human version of Parademons, quite a far cry from the animalistic versions we saw as kids collecting Super Powers Collection (or the bat-like monsters from the Zach Snyder Justice League film).

I’m a sucker for an alternate Superman look, so his drifter in rags look is a favourite. As the story ends, Superman being manipulated by a “glommer” is pretty frightening, his legs out stiffly as he flies is an eerie sight. Lastly the image of Darkseid laughing is a harrowing one.  I dig that he just seems to have sheets of sharp teeth rather than individual, human-like dental structures.  

SPEEDING BULLETS:

• Is Glorious Godfrey’s Earthly pseudonym a play on G. Gordon Liddy, Richard Nixon’s attack dog, and apparent mastermind behind the Watergate break-in?  Apart from the name they don’t seem very similar (though by the early 90s, Liddy had a pretty major media reach on syndicated radio), but then again, how many other G. Gordons are there? [Max: All I know is I can’t see the name G. Gordon Liddy without thinking of this guy.]

• While I’ve frequently covered how harsh Lois’ personality is as written by Byrne, he does also make her quite witty; her dry aside about Grist “overreaching” is a good example.

• Looks like I’ve been proven wrong!  In a previous review I asserted that Adventures of Superman #518 was the first time the Darkseid/Dark Side of the Force Star Wars connection was made, but lo and behold it’s right there in the title of this story, “Legends from the Darkside”.  #518 still mentioned the force, but still, I hadn’t remembered this.

• I appreciate the lengthy explanation of both the anti-superhero injunction from President Reagan, and not wanting to reveal his identity for why Clark was running at human speed through the streets, but I do feel like he could just take to the sky pretty quickly without being recognized.  

• A rare swear word for this era, as Clark says “damn” as the Omega beams find their target.  Byrne generally preferred to use the more British/Canadian “blast” in place of “damn”.

• Phantom Stranger is apparently just an observer, but this is a weird scene.  He’s just hanging out, then?  

• My copy of Superman #3 has an editor reference to the Hunger Dogs graphic novel as being the place where New Genesis was destroyed (as Superman muses as he passes the wreckage). I came close to madness trying to find a copy, only to discover it wasn’t published under the name “The Hunger Dogs” but rather, DC Graphic Novel No. 4.  DC Graphic Novel was an experimental prestige-format series of original stand-alone stories—apart from Hunger Dogs, which Kirby intended to be his final word on his New Gods characters.  Comics writer and historian Mark Evanier asserts that there was a lot of interference from DC editorial on this graphic novel, so the original intent is lost to history. But what remains is one of the Kirby-est stories ever, Kirby’s blocky layouts overlaid with fully painted colour for maximum impact.  Though it’s remembered as a missed opportunity (and has since been recollected in various New Gods omnibuses) it’s a pretty amazing piece, filled with beauty and ugliness (and even spelling errors) as only Jack Kirby could render it. But I digress.

• We get another example of everything on Apokolips being high-speed as Superman faces off against a “Pacifier”.

And as with a few retro reviews, I’m throwing in a Don Sparrow version of a character, in this case recreating the “who’s this guy?” moment with Darkseid, and a sketch of shrouded rags Superman behind it. I realized after colouring that in this era Darkseid’s legs and arms were coloured an off-grey purple, indicating a costume, whereas later versions (like Darkseid in Superman/Doomsday: Hunter/Prey) just had his arms and legs bare.  I seem to have opted for the latter.  What do you prefer?  Bare arms and legs for Darkseid, or purple bodysuit?  As they said in the Super Powers Collection ads—you decide! [Max: Team bare limbs here. Gotta show those cannons.]

See comments on Tumblr: https://superman86to99.tumblr.com/post/58091727883/superman-3-march-1987-superman-is-transported#disqus_thread

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