Super Titles Round-Up (November 1994)

This month: Superboy vs. King Shark! Steel vs. a serial killer! The Outsiders vs. the Outsiders! Your wallet vs. too many Superman spin-offs!

Superboy #9

First full appearance (he was teased last issue) of King Shark, who is either the son of a Hawaiian lady who got freaky with a shark deity or just a big guy who is massively deformed. Superboy takes a break from perving on women with his new X-Ray goggles to assist FBI agent Sam Makoa in the case of the human shark who eats people. They find him, but Superboy quickly regrets it when he almost gets eaten. Luckily, this is when he discovers that those goggles Professor Hamilton gave him have another, less perverted use: heat vision!

In the end, both King Shark and his "crazy mother" are arrested (since when is it illegal to cut your own arm off you to feed your homicidal mutant son?!), and it's implied that she had other children with the Shark God. Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think those other Shark Siblings ever showed up. Maybe the right opportunity just hasn't come up yet, or maybe, just maybe, she was crazy.

Steel #9

There's a serial killer on the loose in Washington, and his victims look like they were hit with a sledgehammer. As the state's foremost sledgehammer user, Steel is a suspect, especially according to a particularly belligerent detective who almost seems like he's trying to divert attention from something. Hmmmm. Anyway, the other cops are so desperate to find the serial killer that they hire a psychic: Steel's friend from all the way back in Man of Steel #22, Rosie.

Rosie tries to use her abilities to find the killer, but all she sees is a detective badge. Hmmmmmmmm. Soon enough, the killer finds her, and he turns out to be a big cat-like monster (King Cat?). Steel tries to save her but it's too late, and with her last words, Rosie reveals that she's always known he's John Henry Irons. It's the fact that both characters are voiced by Shaq what gave him away.

The cops come in just in time to see Steel holding Rosie's dead body and arrest him for murder. None of them see that she had drawn something on the floor with her blood: a bullet. Like, a cop bullet? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Aquaman #3

Superboy guest-stars in this story, which is (perfectly) titled "Arthur Goes Hawaiian." Aquaman, debuting his new hook-hand look, wants to have words with the US admiral who sent him on the ill-fated mission that resulted in piranhas eating his hand (hence the hook). The admiral is in a Hawaiian army base, so when Aquaman gets in a tussle with the soldiers there, Superboy intervenes and ends up stepping all over Aquaman, literally.

Aquaman says "I'll be back," but Superboy doesn't look very intimidated (yes, of course he does Terminator joke). As it turns out, he should have been, because Aquaman returns with a shit-ton of whales and floods the entire base with the resulting tsunami, causing Superboy to almost drown to death for the second time this month.

Superboy is pissed and wants to continue the fight, but that admiral Aquaman was looking for calls him off and says he "shall make appropriately grateful noises to your backers" (a line that has been stuck in my mind for 30 years). So, to recap: Superboy made a chump out of Aquaman, then Aquaman made a chump out of Superboy. The perfect crossover. My only complaint with this issue is that the cover spoils the end of the King Shark fight by showing Superboy's new glasses shooting heat vision, which doesn't even happen in this comic. It is a pretty cool cover, though (by Tom Grummett and Terry Austin!).

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Outsiders #12

The Eradicator's Outsiders fight Katana's Outsiders in another classic superhero vs. superhero scuffle, which happens for just as stupid but way less entertaining reasons than the one in Aquaman #3. It's something to do with those psychically addictive sci-fi guns from last issue, which are actually made (birthed?) by a big alien mass with tentacles. No, it doesn't make more sense if you read the comic.

The most interesting part of the issue, to me, is that Maggie Sawyer and the Metropolis Special Crimes Unit show up, and Maggie gets hypnotized by Looker's new vampiric powers.

(Or maybe just by Looker's looks.)

Then some stuff happens that doesn't amount to much, since by the end of the issue, the Outsiders are still mad at each other and split in two teams. At least we get a blurb saying a Superman crossover is coming next, which means the Outsiders will finally get to fight someone other than themselves again. Anyway, let's get back to more important matters, meaning: Maggie Sawyer...

Metropolis S.C.U. #1

First issue of a 4-part miniseries about Mags and the S.C.U. gang. This mini is curious because it was first teased almost two years ago in the Superman Gallery special, which showed a sneak peek of the cover to #3, only it's marked as #2 and Superman has short hair in it. I suspect they might have lengthened Superman's hair in the interior pages too... except in this one panel where they were like "eh, no one will notice."

The plot follows the S.C.U. as they investigate a series of mysterious fires at LexCorp facilities, seemingly caused by lasers from the sky. I didn't know dealing with sky lasers was part of Maggie's job description, but okay. She also has to deal with some fires in her private life (she forgot her girlfriend Toby's birthday and her ex-husband is being a dick about letting her daughter visit) AND with Lois Lane being a pain in the ass as she tries to join the S.C.U. for a story. Maggie's like "hell no," until Lois saves Dan "Terrible" Turpin from clumsily falling to his death at the site of a fire (more like Dan "Terrible Balance" Turpin), so Maggie agrees to let Lois try out for the team.

By the way, the S.C.U. members introduced here will continue to appear in the Super-Titles after the end of this mini -- especially Lyle, the science dork with anxiety issues.

There's also a cameo by Terra-Man, who reads about those fires from the prison cell he's been in since 1991's Superman #52 and seems strangely displeased for a villain whose whole deal is blowing up facilities. I wonder if he hadn't appeared for so long because they were holding him for this mini or just because he's, you know, Terra-Man.

Guardians of Metropolis #1

First issue of another 4-part miniseries, this one about Project Cadmus and the usual gang of geniuses there. We start with the Newsboy Legion kids shooting a home movie with Loch Trevor, the flying sea snake from Superman #43, and things get crazier from there.

There's a lot going on, but the main plot concerns Boss Moxie, the nemesis of the original Newsboy Legion in the '40s, coming out of prison after 50 years and hitting up an old Intergang hideout -- which happens to be an evil orphanage ran by Apokolips' Granny Goodness. Meanwhile, the Guardian learns that his sister (who was an old lady while he remains young due to cloning shenanigans) just passed away and left a grandchild named Bobby, currently at that same orphanage.

The Newsboy clones find out about this and break into the orphanage, where Moxie recognizes them and, instead of instantly dying of a heart attack, figures they owe him the secret for how they're still young.

Incidentally, it's established in this issue that Moxie is the father of Intergang's head honcho, Bruno "Ugly" Mannheim. Later on, this was de-established as Ugly was retconned to be Darkseid's son, but I guess both things could be true (Darkseid can possess human bodies...).

The final pages of this issue pick up on another long-running storyline: ever since their first appearance in Superman Annual #2 (1988), everyone at Cadmus has believed that their insane founder, Dabney Donovan, is dead, even though he's been secretly running around behind the scenes pulling crazy schemes, like when he saved Luthor's brain or murdered Cadmus' Director Westfield. Now, he finally presents himself to the Guardian and the Cadmus bosses, but only to kidnap them via a "Mime-Bomb" (exactly what it sounds like) and... take them to the circus. We'll find out what the hell that means next issue.

TO BE CONTINUED! FOR ALL THE ISSUES ABOVE! (EXCEPT AQUAMAN, UNLESS I START AN AQUAMAN BLOG.)

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