Adventures of Superman #499 (February 1993)
Adventures of Superman #499 (February 1993)
FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND, Part 5! Someone stole Superman's dead body! Who could it be?! (Yes, we already know who it is because we saw it happening last issue, but the characters in this comic didn't, so let's not ruin the surprise for them.) Anyway, Lex Luthor Jr. is awoken by an alarm letting him know there's activity in Superman's tomb – apparently, he filled the place with sensors in case of a Walking Dead-type situation. Lex sends Supergirl to investigate and she finds a tunnel leading to the caves under Metropolis, which she thinks might mean that Superman came back to life. Yeah, right, like that could ever happen.
Meanwhile, the Metropolis police have noticed something weird is going on under Superman's tomb, too, and their ballsiest officer volunteers to go into the tunnels to check it out: Dan "Terrible" Turpin (who, fun fact, was in a teen commando unit during WW2, so he's gotta be in his sixties by now). Turpin soon comes across Supergirl being swarmed by a bunch of Underworlders, the failed genetic experiments who live in these caves. These are hideous, powerful monsters capable of taking down legit superheroes… so, naturally, Turpin tries to take on ‘em by himself (losing most of his clothes in the process).
Turpin is seriously beating the crap out of "Bog" up there, until Rambeau (yes, that ram-faced Underworlder is called Rambeau) literally drops some grenades into his pants. Supergirl rescues Turpin just in time, but his exploding trousers cause debris to block the tunnel they were investigating. Still, the now-pantsless Turpin and his bosslady, Captain Maggie Sawyer, now have a pretty good idea of who probably stole Superman's corpse: PROJECT CADMUS! Which, again, we already knew from last issue, but at least everyone's on the same page now.
Plotline-Watch:
Somehow, the most badass team-up in this issue isn't Turpin/Supergirl – it's BIBBO AND GANGBUSTER! As seen in recent issues, Jose Delgado feels bad about the fact that he was sitting on his butt while Superman fought Doomsday, because a guy with nunchakus could have really turned that fight around. After a tearful scene at Superman's grave, Jose un-retires his Gangbuster suit and takes on some drug dealers, though Superman's pal Bibbo was already doing a pretty good job agains them ("NO DRUGS ON BIBBO'S TURF!" Bibbo yells, apparently unaware that alcohol is a drug). We also find out that Jose has broken up with Cat Grant because of his dangerous crime-punching habit.
While Turpin fights "Bog" (no doubt a reference to film director Peter Bogdanovich), we see Supergirl beating up Clawster, the Underworld resident who looks like Doomsday's wimpier cousin. Weren't these evil Underworlders arrested by the non-evil ones a few months ago? How crappy is the Underworld justice system if these criminals are already back out on the… caves?
Ma and Pa Kent are still staying with Lois Lane, and each party feels guilty about not doing enough to comfort the other. The only one who isn't depressed in this household is Elroy the cat – the little bastard always had it in for Clark.
There's a sexy scene that always confused me as a kid, and two decades later, I still haven't completely deciphered its mysteries. After Supergirl leaves LexCorp Tower to explore the caves, Lex Jr. is approached by a voluptuous redhead in a nightgown, who tries to seduce him. Lex kindly asks her to bugger off, then throws a wine cup and yells at her when she doesn't listen. Who is this lady? Where did she come from? Do LexCorp's secretaries sleep in the building? Is this Lord Satanus in disguise, as part of some wicked plan? The only thing I know for certain now is that Lex is a righteous young man who would never cheat on his Super-girlfriend.
OK, it was kinda cruel to describe a scene featuring a hot babe showing skin and not show you any panels, so here we go:
Pantsless Turpin! You're welcome.