Adventures of Superman #458 (September 1989)
Adventures of Superman #458 (September 1989)
This cover with Jimmy Olsen stretching his arms unnaturally isn’t symbolic of his inner struggles or something. It’s symbolic of Jimmy Olsen stretching his arms unnaturally (as well as the rest of his body), because that’s exactly what happens in this issue.
We start with the entire Daily Planet staff attending a mandatory aerobics class, which is like something out of Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. Even Perry White is there, wearing a track suit and being predictably grumpy about it. When the class starts, Jimmy feels weird while doing the exercises but keeps going at it to impress Cat Grant – he makes an impression, alright, when his limbs and torso suddenly stretch all over the gym as he screams in pain. After nearly choking Cat to death, Jimmy jumps out of the Planet building to avoid hurting more people. Meanwhile, Superman tries to help Jimmy by grabbing him but only makes things worse, since Jimmy’s stretching body isn’t durable like Mr. Fantastic, but all flimsy and crappy like a Stretch Armstrong doll.
Jimmy starts bouncing around the city without control, causing random destruction, until Superman manages to stuff all of him inside a bag fashioned out his red his cape. Professor Hamilton then puts Jimmy (now calmer and seemingly back to normal) inside an isolation chamber to study him, and it’s eventually determined that the bizarre transformation was caused by a virus that altered his DNA. But where did Jimmy catch something like that? Hey, remember this panel of Superman hugging Jimmy right after arriving from the depths of space in Action #643?
Yep, Superman apparently gave Jimmy a virus through a display of affection… which sounds kinda dirty, when you put it that way. Rather than being worried that Superman is probably carrying an alien disease around Metropolis, Jimmy chooses to focus on the fact that his “best friend in the whole universe” tried to kill him. Because it’s not like it was accidental or anything.
Plotline-Watch:
The last page shows a spaceship approaching Earth. The last time we got a teaser like that, it turned out to be two ugly aliens who came to steal Superman’s powers. This time it’s someone considerably sexier, who comes to steal… his heart!
This whole story could be counted as a gritty reboot of Jimmy’s “Elastic Lad” tales from the 1960’s, when he would turn into a superhero and happily fight crime with his elastic powers. Now it’s all angst and pain and betrayal. It’s so gritty, in fact, that they even got the guy who inked The Dark Knight Returns, Klaus Janson, to co-draw this issue.
WTF-Watch:
Speaking of which, I like Klaus Janson and I like Dan Jurgens (the other co-artist on this issue), but I hope they never work together again. Ever. Their styles don’t really mesh well: Jimmy looks like Joan Rivers in some panels, and that’s before the virus messed him up. I do like this part where Jimmy destroys a billboard of Booster Gold and Superman is like “I never liked that guy anyway” as he tosses it into space.
Booster, of course, is Dan Jurgens’ signature creation. He probably added that joke himself (he’s also co-writer), but I like to think Janson slipped it in.
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