Action Comics #697 (March 1994)
Action Comics #697 (March 1994)
Bizarro's World, Part 3! Superman not only gets to fight Bizarro for the first time in this storyline, but he also finally gets to rough up Lex Luthor for the first time in... this entire continuity, maybe?
Superman bursts into Lex Luthor Jr.'s personal sauna and demands to know what he has to do with that "Bizarre-o" creature who seems to have his same powers and kidnapped Lois Lane recently. Supes is so angry that he doesn't even notice Lex is clearly very sick until Lex's "mum," Dr. Kelley, points it out. Superman apologizes for getting carried away, but then Lex admits that he does know where Bizarro came from: his overzealous employee Sydney Happersen created him while trying to find a cure for his boss' mystery illness (which is actually the Clone Plague going around Metropolis lately, but Superman doesn't know Lex is in the risk group for that).
When Superman hears Bizarro is in Midway City, he speeds there and finds the monster trying to "fix" a drawbridge by fusing it together with his heat vision. The poor brute doesn't understand why the cops are shooting at him after that, or why someone who looks like him shows up out of nowhere and punches him across several city blocks.
Superman manages to gain the upper hand on Bizarro, but unfortunately he punches him harder than intended (courtesy of his expanded powers, as seen in recent months) and almost causes a building to collapse. Superman throws Bizarro into orbit to get rid of him while he deals with the collapsing building situation, thus continuing one of the most long-running traditions in this era: Superman throwing crap into space when he doesn't know what to do with it.
As he floats over Earth, Bizarro's warped memories remind him of Smallville and he's like "You know who never dropped a giant globe on me or threw me into space? Lana Lang. She was nice." He stops by Smallville to visit Lana, who is supremely freaked out by the sight of an ugly backwards version of her childhood crush.
Seeing Lana in danger makes Superman double-angry and he finally punches Bizarro so hard that he stops moving. What's more, Superman seems relieved that can't detect any signs of life in the creature (he won't be going into space for six months to atone for this one). After making sure Lana is relatively okay, Superman takes Bizarro's "corpse" back to Metropolis for study... but, of course, we see on that last panel that he opens his eyes, because there are still two more issues left in this storyline. CONTINUED!
Plotline-Watch:
Lex Luthor is now officially as bald as, well... Lex Luthor.
After that, the most significant event this issue is that Lana's run-in with Bizarro convinces her that she definitely doesn't yearn to be Superman's girlfriend anymore and she literally runs off to tell her boyfriend Pete Ross she wants to marry him ASAP (meaning "in three issues," or Action #700).
Superman thinks that he hasn't been this angry since Lex Sr. kidnapped Lana Lang (way back in Superman #2), right before Bizarro kidnaps Lana Lang. Coincidence or psychic link?
Also, Bizarro takes Lana to Smallville's old Simonson Limestone Quarry, which is Superman's official spot for fighting duplicates: that's where he fought the Pocket Universe Superboy in Superman #8, the Eradicator-controlled Matrix/Supergirl in Action #644 (as Lana points out), and now this. Superman ‘86 to '99: still the internet's foremost authority on Smallville's old Simonson Limestone Quarry after all these years.
When Superman apologizes for manhandling Lex, he says: "If someone were ripping up the city in *my* name, I'd be pretty upset too." More Action #700 foreshadowing!
Lex tells Superman he probably got sick after being exposed to the toxic junk in Coast City when he went snooping there right before it fell into the water (Superman #83). This is a pretty good cover story, because Lex WAS a big dumbass for going there without any protection whatsoever.
Patreon-Watch:
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And now I leave you in Don's capable hands for art commentary and, as usual, all the interesting details I missed despite owning these issues for decades...
Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):
We begin with the cover, and it's such a unique composition that it rang a bell. I went into my old copy of The Greatest Superman Stories Ever Told and found the very first Bizarro story, in Superboy #68. It's maybe the best Bizarro story, and of course, the closest to the Frankenstein novel, right down to befriending a blind girl. I digress--anyway, at one point, Superboy, trying to get rid of the Bizarro menace, attempts to hurl him like a discus into outer space. But Bizarro being Bizarro, he boomerangs back at Superboy, and smashes into Superboy. The pose isn't identical, but I thought it was close enough to be a potential homage. What do you think? Do I have too many Superman comics on the brain or is there something here? [Max: I see it! I also have the Greatest Stories book and read it a million times and never noticed the reference, very cool!]Inside we are greeted with a fairly action-packed splash, of Superman smashing through a glass wall into Lex Junior's steam bath.
It's a great image, with lots of motion, and Superman's carelessness with the flying glass lets the reader know he's not messing around (later in the book, Superman even thinks to himself he hasn't been that angry since Superman #2, and there's definitely a visual callback now that I think of it!). [Max: ANOTHER thing I never noticed! I am astonished.] Page 4's chiaroscuro Superman is a great look, and I can't help but wonder if this isn't somewhat influenced by the shadowy renderings of Superman by Immonen a few weeks back.
There's still more uncharacteristic Superman destructiveness as he flies away to confront Bizarro on that same page--I wonder if this is disregard, or a signal that Superman's powers are out of whack.Page 5 gives us a new look at Lex Junior's deterioration, and it's interesting, looking at this from an era when Lex Luthor has been fit/thin for decades--Junior is very much looking like the Lex we now know.
Superman is pretty brutal to Bizarro in the story, and it's interesting to me that even though we've seen that Superman's mass and power level have increased, he's unable to shatter this Bizarro as easily as he did in their first meeting. It's a bit comical how many times Superman believes he has destroyed Bizarro in this issue, only for Bizarro to bounce back and counter-attack.Then later in the issue, we get another hint of a call-back to the boomerang idea from the original Superboy story, where Superman hammer-throws Bizarro off-world.
Later in the story, I'm wondering if Jackson Guice had recently watched Terminator 2, as Lana looks for all the world like Linda Hamilton (which wouldn't be bad casting for that part, back in the day!) and on the same page, Bizarro definitely has an Ah-nold vibe. [Max: Add this to the ever-growing "I really should have noticed this years ago" pile, please.]On the whole, this is another slugfest issue, where besides a pretty good duke-out, not a ton happens.
STRAY OBSERVATIONS:
It occurs to me that it must be quite an act for Lex to keep up the accent and Australianisms all the time. On top of all the other ways he's an evil genius, he's also a master thespian, it seems.
Bizarro "fixing" a drawbridge is exactly the sort of danger he should be causing--not intentionally evil, but misguided in a child-like way.
Interesting that Lana calls the character who brought her out to the quarries "Supergirl" even though her previous identity looked nothing of the kind. [Max: Remember she did first meet Matrix in her Supergirl form back in Adventures #442, Don!]
Clark's uncool treatment of Lana continues, calling her efforts to protect him a "foolhardy stunt". You're welcome, buddy.
The characterization of Lana craving normalcy is one that echoed in portrayals of her in Lois & Clark, and later on, Smallville--she certainly loved Clark, but would have been happier without the powers. I'm sure Pete Ross is glad for her phone call, whatever the reasoning.