Action Comics #695 (January 1994)
Action Comics #695 (January 1994)
LOBO IS HERE… for exactly one page. This issue is somewhat infamous among Lobo collectors and completists for hyping up a one-page cameo, but I’d like to point out that it’s not just one page: Lobo appears on the cover, too. And, to be fair, that’s a pretty funny cover gimmick. (The Lobo thing, I mean. All those speculators who ruined themselves investing in those shiny foil embossed covers probably don’t think that part is so funny.)
It’s a little known fact that other stuff happens in this issue, too. Some type of big robot guy called Cauldron appears to be terrorizing a bunch of law-abiding citizens who are just showing off their weapons at the docks, but when Superman gets there, we find out those people were (gasp) gun smugglers. Cauldron is actually a new crimefighter created by Project Cadmus as a PR move to convince everyone that they’re not “some sort of Evil Factory” (get it?). Also, Cauldron has no mind of his own and is controlled by a disabled man with an eye patch who was crippled while helping fight Doomsday, so it’s kinda hard not to root for the guy.
Superman has his doubts about the ethics of trapping a mindless clone body in a robo-suit and sending it to get shot by criminals, but he agrees to give Cauldron a chance because his buddy Inspector Henderson asks him to. Plus, Cadmus’ Director Westfield insists that evil genius Dabney Donovan, who is sort of like a sci-fi Dr. Mengele, had NOTHING to do with this project. Of course, it turns out Donovan had EVERYTHING to do with the project. Westfield is in cahoots with Donovan and upgraded his cloning gear in return for assistance with the Cauldron project and other matters, which involved giving this insane person access to all of Cadmus’ systems. How could this possibly backfire?
Of course (again), it backfires.
While Cauldron is chasing criminals one night, Donovan takes over the remote control system and starts playing real-life GTA with him, attacking cops and such. Superman, who’d been keeping an eye on Cauldron, immediately flies in to stop him and both end up crashing into a condemned building inhabited by homeless people (including Lois Lane’s hobo friend Charlie). The building collapses and Cauldron’s legs and one of his arms are crushed, so Donovan quits the game and Westfield declares that Cauldron is now “useless.”
Cauldron’s operator, however, doesn't appreciate being told someone is useless because some of their limbs don't work and takes back control of the clone body to hold the building’s collapsing ceiling, Spider-Man-style, thus allowing Superman to take the homeless people out. Cauldron dies and Westfield is like “oh well, we’ll work out the bugs on the next version,” but neither Superman nor the operator want to let that happen. Everyone is very sad about the mindless (but not heartless) clone’s heroic sacrifice. And then: Lobo!!!
NEXT: more Lobo!!!
Plotline-Watch:
Cat Grant introduces Ira Green, the father of Lex Luthor Jr.’s mysteriously missing personal trainer Sasha Green, to Lois Lane. Lois is like “Wait, that girl who kicked Lex Jr.’s ass in front of me disappeared right after? Hmmmm. Hmmmmmmmmm.” Tick-tock, Lex.
Dabney Donovan mentions that he created those little exploding aliens who attacked Superboy back in Adventures #506, as commissioned by Westfield. Other than some property damage, the only consequence of that attack was that Superboy got mad and blew the whistle on Cadmus’ existence on live TV, so I’m not sure why Westfield keeps trusting Dabney. Is he really the only mad geneticist for hire in town?
More wonky power stuff: Superman punches Cauldron harder than he intended and accidentally sends him flying through a building that, luckily, was scheduled for demolition. The real mystery here isn’t “Why are Superman’s powers acting up lately?” but “How come all the buildings he accidentally destroys are always scheduled for demolition?” Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel would have been a lot less controversial if they’d simply added a line about how all of Metropolis happened to be scheduled for demolition.
Lobo destroys a whole damn planet in his one page cameo, just because it was on his way as he traveled to Earth to fight Superman. Hey, if Lobo is so angry at Supes, how come he didn’t say anything when they teamed up the other day during Bloodlines? Was it because he was on a job? Damn, Lobo is really good at compartmentalizing.
Patreon-Watch:
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