Reflection #2 Life in Chapters

“Every part of the journey is of importance to the whole”. –Teresa of Avila

When my life falls apart, or stark changes befall me, I find that I do what I do best. I write. In June my work-life as a bereavement manager of a hospice was eliminated and brought on retirement sooner than I’d planned. Now, a couple of months later, I find myself searching, figuring out what’s next in these so-called ‘senior’, ‘silver’, and ‘sunset’ years.

I’ve written and published a few books, so it is natural for me to think of my life as a sequence of chapters. This present chapter is of an entirely different kind. If I’m lucky the chapter will be long. In truth, I am writing it as I go along and have no idea how the book will end and have no wish to flip to the last page to know so. Just like when I’m reading a good novel, to know the ending before it arrives would take the pleasure out of the reading.

Let me go back and catch you up. I am guessing you’ll identify with much of my “not-so-unique” story. My life did not unfold the way I’d expected. My husband died when I was twenty-five and with it, the life I’d known. One chapter closed, and another began. With greater wisdom, and a three-year old in tow, I awakened to the truth that the life I’d imagined had never been guaranteed.Predictability is not how life works.There was so much I’d planned on being and expected to have. The moment I was living was difficult and different than I’d ever imagined.

I had to set down my grief, commit to the present, and look to the life ahead. Suddenly there were many blank pages and years ahead. The question in the initial weeks and months was, “What next?’  “What now?” There were days when I could hardly get out of bed. As everything began to fall apart, I told myself I could make something new. All I knew was that life was not standing still, and neither could I.

As I said goodbye to my old life subsequent chapters began to write themselves. The ending of my life as a wife and co-pastor of two country churches was ending. At such a young age I didn’t realize that life has many endings and beginnings and with each new beginning, there are things I could not have imagined-- not last year, last week, and certainly not five years before. I leaned into the next chapter.

Just this morning I took my daily walk fully awake, aware of the bare branches clutching the new snow and a dynamic crystal-clear blue sky. I consider the change, the new chapter I am entering. It is both terrifying and exhilarating. I am a person who craves resolution and happy endings all tied up in a bow. My desire for predictability competes with my sense of adventure and possibility.

Once again I consider all I’ve outlived, the life I thought I’d have, and I see that I’ve been more resilient, adaptable, and durable than I knew.

Now it’s your turn

Take time to reflect and if in a group, share as you feel able.

My life’s story is:

a)    unfolding with meaning and satisfaction.

b)    still incomplete but I am leaning into new experiences.

c)    a continuum of random events with little significance.

d)    not in my control due to present circumstances.

Poem #2. Life in Chapters

Each morning, I rise,
stretch,
and give thanks—

for breath,
for love,
for a body that still carries me.

I step away from the busy,
letting slowness
reclaim my hours.

Time with those who matter:
family,
friends,
neighbors.

Gratitude meets me
in quiet walks,
in spring’s soft light.

These are good days.
Not perfect—
but peaceful.

There is a quietness
that feels like truth.

Old roles fall away.
I no longer need
to prove,
to chase.

I seek something gentler—
a steady contentment
that remains
even when I waver.

There is only this moment—

and it is enough.

I am enough.