August has been a MONTH (derogatory). School hasn’t even started yet, but the kids all got sick and the antibiotics made one kid sicker. One or all of them then made me sick, and here I am on my couch, currently missing an old friend’s wedding. My roof was leaking, and when I got the roof fixed a pipe burst, and when I got the pipe fixed, rain started pouring through the bathroom window. Everything costs a million dollars, and also its poison. Wars, wars, wars. Motherfucking measles! The grim reaper after all the queer icons…and probably five other new and terrible things by the time I press send.

Reader, I know you know this, and that you, too, are enduring the terrible in your way. I have a lot of thoughts about how to fight the terrible, some of them available in previous iterations of this newsletter. Big picture: resistance remains imperative. Little picture: sometimes one simply must disassociate.

Enter the Gordon Ramsay multiverse.

Now, a lot of my bookish friends and colleagues think my devotion to the Ramsayverse is some kind of weird lapse in judgement. To this I say: for a long time, I, too believed my taste in things to be “wrong,”—as a Philadelphian, a kid from a working-class upbringing, or just a garden variety weirdo, I’ve never liked the things everyone else thinks are cool, and the things I like are decidedly not. For years I even thought my horoscope must be wrong, (which is kind of hilarious because in retrospect obviously I am the most Taurusy fuck out there). But every little blurb mentioned of a love of beauty, luxury and comfort, and the former two never made sense. Not only did I not own or seek out anything luxurious, but the idea actually makes me uncomfortable. This got me thinking, though, “well, comfort—that tracks. I do like comfort, I just derive it from liking what I like, and I like being a Philly trash bag (complimentary).

So, back to Gordon. Because people always give me such weird looks when I say this, I’ve spent probably a little too much time thinking about why I love these shows so much. Obviously they are popular with others out there, too, since they make so many of them. Here’s what I got:

1. The Ramsayverse is Formulaic AF. Yes, duh. This is part of its charm! Can you break every episode of Kitchen Nightmares, the Kitchen Nightmares reboot, Secret Service, and 24 Hours to Hell and Back beat for fucking beat? Yes! But this is also what I loved about the Laws and Orders before I could no longer stomach all the cops. I think this is actually what a lot of people liked about television, pre-legacy shows, whether or not they want to admit it. At the end of a long day (month), after everything has been hard and too many decisions were required of you, predictability—and a guaranteed resolution—can be nice, actually.

2. The Ramsayverse is infinite. There is always another episode, another season. Finish Masterchef? Here comes Masterchef Jr! Finish that? How about Next Level Chef? The options are nearly as infinite as all the Spidermans or whatever.

3. The cursing. Gordon curses so well. Yesterday I was watching an episode where they had to beep out a full two sentences. Sometimes I can lipread him. I don’t know man, it makes me feel at home.

4. The Ramsayverse is good at heart… at least, relatively. Despite my love for the formulaic/mindless, a lot of reality TV actually turns my stomach. Too much backstabbing, meanness, gratuitous wealth, MAGA-coded people, impure intentions. But you need only watch a few minutes of Masterchef Jr. to see that not only is Gordon (despite his yelling at adults) an absolute softy, but he is willing to make himself the butt of the joke to give a kid a laugh. As far as reality TV motivations go, it’s no Bakeoff cake plate, but winnings, cooking gadgets, having your own recipe published in a magazine, and mentorships are all pretty dang wholesome. Also, in a world where most TV personalities can no longer move their faces, I find Gordon’s age-appropriate wrinkles extra endearing?

5. The Ramsayverse is food. I’m not a foodie, exactly, at least not in the fancy sense. But I do love trying new foods, learning how to cook new things, and snacking. Food was for me, like many folks coming of age in the 90s, more of an enemy for a while. Now it is nourishment and comfort and fun, and I’m proud to have turned that around.
   
   I don’t believe in guilty pleasures, except in a literal ethical sense, I guess. Everything else is just pleasure. Innocent pleasures, even, especially the untrendy ones. these days you gotta take it where you can get it. The Ramsayverse is mine. What’s yours?

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   BIZ
   Tomorrow, September 1st, kicks off Deaf Awareness Month here in the States, so be on the look out for updated fall tour dates, giveaway opportunities, and some bonus newsletter content.