Big Hole
good week everyone.
I've changed newsletter provider. I'm on buttondown now. It's better this way, you'll see.
i'm having a little holiday. ive gone to liverpool. i hear they've got beaches where it's not safe to stand on the sand or go near the water. could be handy if i get depressed.
Big Hole
What's legality of digging a big hole? I've always wanted to dig a really big hole ever since I read Holes. In the book the Holes are made out to be horrendous punishment, and to be fair it would probably destroy my back (I pulled a muscle the other day scooching an office chair over a rug) - but I've never gotten over the tremendous urge to excavate. Don't get me wrong, I stand in awe of builders - I salute every scaffold I see. But I've never really felt the need to erect anything. I don't want my fingerprints on the skyline. But to dig something out? Displace a large quantity of earth? To watch the years fill it back in until it becomes a weird little divot. That'll be my legacy.
To be clear, I don't want to dig a tunnel like that American tiktoker who tunnelled underneath her house. I'm not a terror. I want to big a dig round even hole, perfectly circular. Eerie even, like a crop circle.
There's a lot of guidance on what you can do in your own back garden. I'm mostly cribbing from a website written by the legal arm of a pond design company. But it gets pretty complicated quite quickly. Soil types, the water table, big pipes full of brown liquid that I'm not supposed to hit with the big shovel. Though maybe they're making it sound scary so I'll hire them to make a pond. Must be a horrible job, making a big hole just knowing someone's going to fill it full of water. What a waste!
Stanley Arts Weekend
I have one final Backchannel preview to announce. Its last uncompleted appearance will be at a weekend of work in progress comedy at Stanley Arts in South London right before the Fringe. The line-up is excellent: Sam Campbell, Nish Kumar, Tim Key, Daniel Kitson, Lou Sanders, Rob Auton, Rose Matafeo, Mark Thomas and many others.
I can't confirm this, nor am I brave enough to try, but I think I sort of manifested my inclusion in this programme inadvertently. For those of you who've seen Backchannel already and have been minded to rank its discrete sections will know that The Doctor Piss Bit is the best bit, and it starts with me quoting a line from Daniel Kitson's 2024 show Collaborator about the power dynamics of crowdwork. That whole routine has barely changed across its 16 month incubation.
I can only assume the presence of this quote is why he appeared in the doorway of one my WIP shows last year and quietly told me not to take it personally if he suddenly dashes out during the show (he'd just had a weird curry (it was midday)). And later in my inbox asking if I want to be part of this programme. I was a little starstruck; the man invented mailing lists.
So anyway, not to do the hard sell on this one but I'm really keen not to let the big kids see me with my trousers down. This is when I need to activate my framing as an undiscovered northern treasure making an annual begrudging pilgrimage down the big smoke only to mysteriously sell out - or, you know, sell roughly in-line with the act others on the programme.
Recc: Road To Empress (1 & 2)
Here's a little media recommendation. Road To Empress is an FMV game where you simulate the dramatic rise to fame of Wu Zetian - the first (and arguably only) female sovereign of china that plays out using the airbrushed melodrama of an unrestrained C-drama. It's extremely colourful and histrionic and playful and campy and it's an unexpected good time.
In the 90s, the CPC built one of the largest film studios in the world, Hengdian World Studios. It contains a replica imperial city. 70% of chinese television shows are shot there - they're big into historical dramas.
Road To Empress makes full use of the space. The production quality feels insane for an FMV video game, which usually doing their utmost to disguise a shoestring budget. That said, everyone's clearly very cold. They were definitely filming during the cheaper months, and people are having scenes wearing gossamer silks but you can see the breath coming out of their mouths. The emperor, in particular, looks very cold.
You play as Wu as she enters the palace system as a cairen (the lowest caste in the imperial harem). Every now and again you're presented a choice and if you select the wrong one - you die! Your scheming aunt forces a poison broth to your lips. Great! A palace servant pushes you down a well? Wahoo. The Consort of Preciousness burns the image of a lotus flower into your forehead until you die? It's pure gameplay.
ok goodbye
ok that's it from me - goodbye!
