'And I should like her, if you see fit, to be permitted to write an answer.'

'Permission! If that is all that is needed, I permit!'

from The Blue Flower by Penelope Fitzgerald

You might remember that since I wrote you last, I took a bit of what I called "freedom time"—a few days where I followed my interests completely, without needing to finish anything that I started. It was a celebration of having finished several projects (including the Self-Taught Life prototype!). It was glorious. Here are a few things that I did:

Obsessed over creating the perfect smoothie: I was inspired by a nutritionally-dense smoothie I had at a local smoothie bar that tasted incredible. I love food, and believe that food should first and foremost be a pleasure to eat, which honestly, nutritionally-dense smoothies often are not. They are fine. But it seems like the chefs I admire and respect do not spend their time in the kitchen making smoothies, or at least if they do, they do not share them with the world.

Is smoothie-making a low status activity in the chef world? Or is it just that if you have the skill to make, say, a breakfast souffle off the top of your head, then you have no need to perfect the humble morning smoothie?

Alas, I have not answered this question for myself OR created the perfect smoothie. I have created a passable PB&J smoothie that is an improvement over the recipes I tried. But nothing that shouts from the rooftops "I am a culinary DELIGHT!" Still, it was fun trying.

Learned how to alter my old jeans: Clothes altering is something that I have always wanted to learn, because in my experience, most clothes just do not fit well off the rack. And when I've gone to someone else to alter my clothes, the first thing they ask me is: what do you want?

Tailors can hem, add darts, take in a waist, add panels, adjust sleeves, pockets, anything you want. But you kind of have to know what that is, which involves some knowledge of how clothing is constructed. Unless you're working with someone who is also skilled at consulting with you on altering your clothing. This is a different skill than being able to do the work.

I have not met anyone locally who has both of these skills, and I don't know if it would be a current financial priority if I did (we have 5 kids either in college or rapidly approaching college). So! I bought an online class, picked a pair of old jeans to work on, and started in. It was super fun. Who knew how cathartic ripping out old seams could be??

Got re-acquainted with the joy of LEGOs: I happened to have the "Galileo's library" set in my closet, from a Christmas when I got it for free for buying other LEGO sets for people. I thought "oh I'll give this to one of our kids" but it felt off. It seemed like a gift that would be met with "Thank you! But...why did you specifically think of me when you got this particular LEGO set?" And I would not have an answer for them except, "it was free." Which, while entirely the truth, is a less than desirable answer in that particular context.

Recently, my friend told me about her LEGO obsession, and I realized that if someone gave me a Galileo's library LEGO set, it would be the exact perfect gift. So I gave it to myself, and it was glorious. Then for Mother's Day, my kids and I splurged on the Zelda Great Deku Tree set and built it together, and that was glorious.

Geeked out on my systems: As a general rule, I don't let myself work on my systems. It feels way too much like actual work but absolutely is not.

I have a voice in my head entirely dedicated to systems creation, organization, and management. It tells me beautiful lies like, "If you only had a system for this, all of your problems would be solved," or "I know exactly what this needs! A better system!" or "You definitely should do that thing! After you've built a teeny tiny little system for it."

During freedom time, I listened to that voice! I organized my recipe collection using actually useful and consistent categories. I culled my little library-within-a-library that houses all of the books I own or have gotten from the library that are relevant to my current work and interests. I built a new personal knowledge graph that includes everything from all of the old knowledge graphs/databases I have ever had and makes them into an elegant flat-file system in Obsidian, so that I can train Claude to find things for me, and also to maintain said system (18,724 markdown files!).

Had so many IDEAS! It's like my brain was actively repressing ideas because it knew I would never let myself start on them, since my current era is all about focusing and finishing. But as soon as I allowed myself to start new things without needing to finish them, the dam broke, and so many new ideas flooded forth. Some actually useful for my current projects and priorities!

Being free is my love language. I think there's still a video of me somewhere in a striking (and enormous!) Napoleon hat screaming FREEDOM! with a baby on my lap. Also, the George Michael song of the same name is on frequent rotation around here.

However, I've also learned that too much unstructured freedom eventually creates fertile conditions for the tyranny of Decision-Making Overwhelm or the hostile takeover of Complete and Utter Inertia.

To prevent any internal overlords from having the time to stage a coup, I'm always switching up my strategies. It's quite hilarious to me all the convoluted tactics I've invented to get myself to do things while simultaneously having the most freedom possible. Right now it's FOCUS until FINISH, and then...FREEDOM! So we all get what we want (we meaning the various factions that exist within this one particular self.)

Wishing you freedom and joy,

Sarah Avenir