Man's active nature, flagging, seeks too soon the level;
Unqualified repose he learns to crave;
Whence, willingly, the comrade him I gave,
Who works, excites, and must create, as Devil.

But ye, God's sons in love and duty,
Enjoy the rich, the ever-living Beauty!
Creative Power, that works eternal schemes,
Clasp you in bonds of love, relaxing never,
And what in wavering apparition gleams
Fix in its place with thoughts that stand forever!

—from Faust by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

(These lines are basically the theme of the last two months for me. Also, "Unqualified Repose" would be an amazing title for a book.)

Man, it feels really good to finish creative work. Really, really good. And, as usual, I have some pretty unglamorous routines to thank for it.

I've always thought of myself as a free spirit (INFP for life, like it or not), but without intentional constraints, it's an anxiety-ridden freedom at best. True, those constraints are constantly shifting (a friend I used to host a podcast with likened it to a unicyclist who is always making tiny adjustments), but they need to be there for me to actually make things, and to feel good and grounded while I'm doing it.

When I decided to push through my blockages around The Self-Taught Life and finally finish the prototype, I started with a simple morning routine:

• After my husband brings me the best coffee in the world (I am very lucky), get dressed in gym clothes
• Put in headphones and do an active meditation/learning practice in the Healthy Minds program for 10-15 minutes (it's free, and evidence-based); while I'm doing this, putter around the house, watering plants and neatening things
• Get out my yoga mat and any equipment I need; do a strength training session from Alo Wellness Club 3x a week (it's free; can you tell I really hate subscriptions); otherwise, do a mobility or stretching session, whatever my body needs
• Write more of The Self-Taught Life for as long as it's flowing; then stop

Obviously there are other things I need to do during the day, but this created a container that gave me confidence that I would show up every day on what mattered most to me. I got a lot done this way.

After about week 7, I started to wonder if I could temporarily shape my life so I could have the luxury of just focusing on this project. I figured I had about 2 weeks to finish. I decided to put off all my other work for 2 weeks so I could get it done. I then decided to change my one short session to three sessions total. I would write for three 90-minute sessions with a half hour break in between each. Then I allowed myself to be completely done with all work for the day.

I finished the prototype in a day and a half. Then I finished another project I'd spent 3 months on in one day (it was 85% done; I had estimated another week).

The thing is, I have always known this rhythm works well for me when it comes to executing. However. I may be confessing something very shameful and stupid in saying this, but it's painful to me to think of living my entire life this way. Even Day 1 was painful (it got less and less painful as the days went by). As good as it feels to finish these things, after a while, keeping up that pace begins to feel like a prison. I have followed this pattern many many times, so I absolutely know that this is not something I can happily sustain. I will rebel eventually. Probably dramatically.

As I've been doing the Healthy Minds program though, I've started to notice a critical part of meditation that is relevant to any focused discipline: letting go of the practice. At some point, after you've been paying very close attention to the breath or the activity you're doing or to your thoughts, you get to just...stop doing that. Meditation doesn't expect you to stay effortfully present forever.

And so, the way I got myself on board with this creative sprint was to build in some time to "let go of the practice." Not just regular daily breaks and a clear cutoff point, but also allowing myself to let go of my routines entirely.

For at least a few days this week, I'm going to let go of the practice. For me, this means allowing myself to follow my interests, wherever they lead me. I love starting new things, but I experience a lot of stress around doing that, because I know it's difficult for me to finish them. At the same time, I feel compelled to finish everything I start. So next week, I'm going to allow myself to start all kinds of things that I never plan to finish. That sounds like heaven to me.

And THEN, I will enjoy again the rich, the ever-living Beauty! I invite you to join me, if you're able.

See you on the other side,

Sarah Avenir
https://sarahavenir.com