I’ve tried to write this post for over a week now. I don’t know how to start it.

This isn’t going to be a fun one; the topic is addiction. Family history of drug abuse and alcoholism. Mental illness and self-medicating behaviors. Topics some people might not want to read.

But I need to talk about.

I still don’t know how to write about this.

My family is a family of addicts—mostly my father’s side, but some on my maternal grandmother’s side. Luckily, my siblings seem free of this disease.

Me?

Thankfully, drugs scared me growing up, and even though I had access to them, I stayed away. I never drank to feel numb but I understood the appeal. Having your brain just…stop. No more constant chatter. No more stress. Just… quiet.

Instead, I was diagnosed with being bipolar II and my psych meds have kept me from going down that path.

My father and his siblings weren’t so lucky.

But how much backstory to expose? How much to talk about? Will I get shit from family if they know I write about this in a public arena? Does it matter in the long run? Just because people don’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

My backstory is intertwined with theirs because we share the same family. But there are so many differences. Addiction and mental illness have affected us so differently. Our exposure has been different. Our stories are different.

But by talking about our family history out them in a way they aren’t ready for? Or willing to share with people?

I truly don’t know.