San Francisco, CA
January 2024

prologue

One day I'll get better at writing more frequent update emails, so that they can be shorter. Each of these sections could be its own update. Read it all how you wish.

i. now now now

Things have been a mess, haven't they? Half of the folks in my life reflect on 2023 as a glorious, celebratory year. And the other half reflect the pain, uncertainty, and grief that emerged for them.

Probably me it's been a bit of both. Lately I've been focusing on building peace and resolve and purpose in myself, so I can show up for the things that matter to me. Wintering, they call it; I think it's taking effect! Things are more effortful than they’ve been in the past, and so I learn once again how to value rest. I welcome the shift.

After a year (and change) away from any kind of routine or consistent environment, I’ve moved into a gorgeous sanctuary with wonderful, grounded, thoughtful people. I have a room that has a space for a little meditation nook and all of my books. Though I sense it’s not a long-term arrangement, I cherish it.

ii. a soft landing

Over the summer and fall, I truly availed myself to chaos's flow. At times it was wondrous, being mystically tugged along various branching paths. Kaimera Lab was a highlight: making immersive theater in a community of fully committed artists opened me up to possibilities of further creation back home. I got to witness what can emerge when folks have a container to be true to their own natural creativity. It wasn’t the first time, but it deepened my conviction to a relational performance practice.

We did another Stone Soup, this time in France. I directed a small theater piece that evoked the aesthetic of cult initiation, with the aim of inciting rebellion amongst initiates. It was super fun. I also led a workshop called “alien darkroom” with Meggy: sex from the perspective of extra-human bodies and more-than-human intelligence. It was super fun, I’d like to do that one again.

It was in the fall that I also started to admit that I'm also living with a lot of fear. I haven't gone this far into the depths of uncertainty before. Ghosts of old wounds resurfaced and these spirits often guided my flow in ways I didn’t foresee at the time. I had to say no to more things, walking away from two residency experiences that I sensed wouldn't let me prioritize well-being, and eventually decided to return home and establish a bit more structure for myself.

It's obvious to me that “home,” in this era, means the Bay Area. I have decided not to fight it. As Egyptian Nobel laureate Naguib Mahfouz writes:

Home is not where you are born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease

I’m not sure what this season will bring me. For now, I’m wintering and allowing things to emerge as they will. Already I’ve been surprised by what projects and invitations arise that I didn’t anticipate when I first got here in November.

iii. freshman floundering

Creatively, the last year has been incredibly rich. It was only in May that I decided to use the label “artist.” Since then, I created an immersive theater piece, wrote an astonishing amount of poetry, trained in Butoh, landed my first freelance web design contract, and continued my mandala practice, perhaps creating what might be my favorite pieces yet. I’m still learning what it means to live my life creatively, though I sense this will be a longer, more extenuating journey.

Later this month I will debut a new solo performance piece. I shouldn't be surprised that, like clockwork, six months after the culmination of immersive theater training, I find myself in a container developing an immersive, participatory show. As always, a welcome surprise. If you're in the Bay Area and want to learn more... hit me up.

vi. coaching harder

A year into my small business, I am learning how to leverage my natural skills alongside the ones I want to build. Being a leadership coach is a gift, to me and to others. But the expression of this gift is limited if I don't step up as a business owner. I want to lean into that at which I excel while giving myself structure and accountability to grow in other areas (like sales and marketing).

Today is the first meeting of a men's coaching group that I've brought together to talk about gender roles / identity, desire & other sticky feelings (anger! grief!), communication and conflict. Whenever I bring up this project, folks share their gratitude and excitement that this conversation is happening. So, if all goes well we'll do it again, perhaps with a bit more formality.

The group thing is really fun for me. People love meeting in groups. It's different from 1:1 coaching because you might end up walking away with a friend or three. And it's a lower stakes commitment: lower cost, less intimate work with yourself than a 1:1 engagement might feel — though I expect we'll be deep in it nonetheless.

Already I'm preparing for and collecting names for my next engagement: a group coaching container to talk more about family expectations in immigrant families. Here are some questions we're asking together:

• How do I navigate family expectations while taking more risk?

• How can I shift my orientation from scarcity to abundance?

• What does it mean to ask for the things I want?

I've got a couple more spaces in my 1:1 practice, too. If you know anyone who might be looking to shake things up, please do make an intro! Here's how I've been describing the work, lately: Leadership coaching that centers relationality and intuition to help each of us work in concert with our personal integrity and purpose. I've been working with engineering and non-profit leaders, artists, and community gardeners like myself.

vii. clubhouse community

Devika and I are continuing to grow our community with everyday art club. We've done two events at wave, and plan to continue monthly. It's exciting to see people resonate with our format, folks who might feel like artists and many who don't. The most important thing is how the space cultivates play and kindness. We were both exhausted going into last Friday's event and left feeling energized.

viii. teaching and learning

Slowly but surely, I am remediating my relationship with being a software engineer. I’ve been freelancing very lightly for a couple of projects, and am most excited about projects that allow me the chance to explore design and code together. I’m in a wonderful visual design class and that's led to great work too.

I’ve returned to to teaching, building curriculum for a small course on web design and development as a personal creative practice. It feels, in ways, like an amalgam of many things I’ve explored over the years, from the bootcamp to my own design education and artistic explorations. It will be very indie, very informal, very personal. And we probably have room for one or two more folks to join if you know anyone.

ix. dancing with forces

On a whim, I decided to offer tarot readings to people for the holidays, and this led to a series of beautiful connections. I didn't expect that my tarot work would resonate with folks so much, so I'll probably continue doing it.

The wheel continues to turn. I didn't do much to mark the New Year at the start of this month, but there are other milestones. There was the winter solstice, which feels forever away now. Pongal is tomorrow, our celebration of land, labor, harvest, food. I will be celebrating Lunar New Year with loved ones in just under a month. It is, nonetheless, the season of slowness and reflection.

Also tomorrow, we will march as part of Reclaim MLK, something that's been happening in Oakland for 10 years. There is so much grief, both directed and misplaced. There is so much aliveness, witnessing, grace. At times it's overwhelming, but more than ever I feel connected to and empowered with those in my proximity. We are stronger together.

x. gratitude

I’m very grateful for many of you who showed up for me this year. The folks who have given me a place to stay during my chaotic wanderings, my poetry community in Berlin, as well as Kaimera and Stone Stoup collaborators. I’m grateful to anyone who showed up for our relationship by giving me direct feedback and offering me accountability. And many, many more people who had a big part of a year filled with love and connection and community.

The times are weird, but I suspect things are going to only get weirder, and more of what we’re used to will be stripped away. I’m wishing you warmth amidst the rupturous currents.