Hello dear,

The cat woke me up at 330am, and I instantly opened my laptop and started writing. It’s a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe two years, where an idea emerges in my body and the first thought I have is to put it to words.

This morning I wrote about being “well used,” the experience of aliveness that comes from a project or team dynamic sincerely wanting the exact qualities, traits, and skills that I have, and want to use.

It’s like the feeling of a really, really good date, where both people feel the “just right” fit.

It’s wild to me that I went so many years not feeling this. In hindsight, though, I think it’s why I numbed out with heavy drinking, or later the doordash / ganja / playstation cocktail. I wonder how many of us are feeling this on the regular?

This weekend, I got to work with Light Dark Institute to deliver one of their workshops. The role comprised an exquisite combination of logistical “getting shit done” with lots of care and attunement towards my team, workshop participants, and our facilitators. And, my favorite part: energetically holding the workshop and the team dynamics on behalf of everyone.

Ten years ago when I started the journey of career inquiry, I had no clue that energetic holding was a thing.

Five years ago, when my first ever coach (shout-out Natalie) asked me “what are you feeling in your body?” my response was “what the hell are you talking about?”

And in the interim… I have gotten to sit at the edge of what’s known to me, legs dangling off a cliff, facing the gaseous purple void of uncertainty and just… savor it. I’ve learned how to stay calm under tense and difficult situations — just ask the Bank of America manager who spend 2.5 hours navigating estate shit with me today. I’ve learned how to actually discern what I want and what I don’t want.

Well, I’m still learning that one. But I’m better than I was!

What would it take for you feel the sense of “being used well?” I’d like to know. Reply, or text me, or just send me a message across the void. I’ll keep an eye out for it.

With love,

Rishi

Oh yeah, we might not do events every time, now. I changed the intention of this newsletter. Check it out here. There’ll still be events and such but it’s not my top priority. And of course, you’re always welcome to unsubscribe <3